Okay, so I'm the maid of honor in my sisters wedding (May 2007) and have a question about the shower. She's been married before, he has a house so they don't really "need" anything...my sister says what they REALLY want is for the shower guests to contribute to the honeymoon expenses in place of gifts. My question, how do I handle this? I'm thinking that the only way to really do this is to mention it in the (couple) shower invitation, but what's the "correct" way to do that? Thoughts / advice--thanks so much.
2006-10-05 07:07:39 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Honestly, I believe once you've had a shower you are not entitled to another one. Same goes with babies.
If you must.... List it like:
The soon-to-be-weds are registered with INSERT-BANK-NAME. Please make a deposit for their honeymoon fund.
*That way there really doesn't need to be a shower because they wont be recieving any real gifts.
2006-10-05 07:11:56 · answer #1 · answered by Steph 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
There is NO correct or polite way to tell people cash gifts are preferred. It would be exrtemely rude!
And I know what her next question will be: Yes, it would also be rude for her to set up a honeymoon registry or registry for money (just because the bridal indusry offers a service doesn't make it polite to use).
In any case, showers are for the giving of ACTUAL, physical gifts, NOT money or gift certificates. In fact, by etiquette, showers are the ONLY type of party where a gift is obligatory from everyone who chooses to attend-- however, the gifts can be small or handmade.
Wait-- she has been married before? She shouldn't even be HAVING a shower for a second wedding.
It is also improper for a family member (or future family member) to be hosting her shower.
The two of you need to buy the book Miss Manners on Weddings before you plan any further. It's available inexpensively, secondhand, online. A visit to etiquettehell.com might also be helpful.
Please read up on the advice of a published, acclaimed etiquette expert, and not a bunch of clueless teenagers on Yahoo.
2006-10-05 12:48:31 · answer #2 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
From what I remember when planning my wedding, any type of information regarding gifts should not be included ON the invitation itself. It is acceptable to include a separate piece of paper in the envelope. It's easier when it's a registry because it's a simple phrase "Lisa and Greg are registered at the following locations:...."
With money it's harder. If the people being invited to the shower are all acquainted somehow, word of mouth might be the best way of going. Mention it to a few close friends of hers and the group can start spreading the word.
Otherwise, it might be good to see if their honeymoon location offers gift certificates. A lot of the resorts like Sandals or hotels will offer gift cards so if they know the location you could mention that instead... "Lisa and Greg are registered at the Sands... www.whatever.com."
Just keep in mind that no matter what you do, they're still going to get gifts from those people who either don't know about it, prefer not to give money, or are the lovely folks who always give the same gift to everyone. Ugh.
2006-10-05 07:21:13 · answer #3 · answered by stimply 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Just had the same thing in my family. It worked out just fine. Find out where the couple is going...pretend they are going to an island (for the sake of my answer)...on the invite..
Ken & Barbie are going to Gilligan's Island for their honeymoon. As you know they already have an established home and don't really need any houseware items so a perfect gift would be a donation to their honey moon fund or a gift that can be used on vacation such as a beach bag and accessories. Their honeymoon is booked through Ginger Travel association at 618-555-1212 contact them to make a gift contribution.
2006-10-05 07:44:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
There is no way around this without being extremely tacky. If she doesn't like the gifts tell her to donate them to a women's shelter. Some people are so self serving and greedy they just don't understand that nobody is obligated to buy them anything. If the shower is just a money grab then write that on the invitation and expect nobody to show up except some poor person who has nothing and nobody else to turn to.
2006-10-05 12:42:39 · answer #5 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no correct way to do this - and it should not be done. People should be "allowed" to bring whatever gift they want. If they absolutely do not want gifts, there would be no point for the bridal shower. And since this will probably move on to what they want to do for the wedding, they could suggest that instead of gifts, people could donate to a charity of their choice.
2006-10-06 04:00:40 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Etiquette says that you're not to expect gifts of any kind. It especially says that its extremely rude to include any information on where the couple is registered or to request money in an invitation. If this is what they want word of mouth is probably the best way to do it. They can also use thenest.com or theweddingchannel.com to set up a website and somehow work it in there. My best friend added a link to the Sandals Resort that they were staying at and on that website you could purchase gift certificates for the couple. They had almost their whole honeymoon paid that way and it was done tastefully and they followed etiquette.
2006-10-05 07:18:42 · answer #7 · answered by miss m 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
It is rude and in poor taste to ask for money or gifts. Never put it in the invitation.You could tell a couple of the bridesmaids, hey if anyone asks, the bride really wants money for the honeymoon. You could even say to the bridesmaids, if you want to, let's all chip in and give cash to the bride for her honeymoon, what do you all think? If they do not want to, back off.
Money can be a touchy issue, there is always someone who neglects to chip in, or someone who can't or won't give the asked for amount. It always causes hard feelings. And some people just do not think cash is a tasteful gift. And it needs to be handled nicely, everybody who chipped in gets their name on the card. They might want to give a little cash, and still get a present.
2006-10-05 07:19:45 · answer #8 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The best way I know to handle this is you suggest a gift in the invitation to the shower, OR, and I think this is a very cool shower for a second marriage, have a girls day at a spa, and then go to a favorite place (maybe where the bride and groom had their first dinner together) for a dessert dinner! :)
2006-10-05 07:16:18 · answer #9 · answered by ts 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What you could do is throw what I think they call a Jack & Jill bridal shower. Write "no gifts, please" on the invitation and indicate that at the shower, there will be like a raffle. Guests can contribute money to a fund, and a winner is drawn to get a certain percentage of the funds. The rest goes to the couple. This is common for couples whose household is already established.
2006-10-05 07:10:15 · answer #10 · answered by nido_tr3s 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
These days, it is more and more functional for mothers, sisters, or different household to throw bridal showers. More brides and grooms are residing in towns instead of the only wherein they grew up, and their attendants is also in nonetheless yet another town. If they are having the marriage ceremony of their fatherland however not one of the attendants are living there, it is unrealistic to assume a maid of honor in Seattle to plot a bath in Chicago with none support from the locals. So it is as a rule Mom or Sis who can rather coordinate the bathe plans. Faraway bridesmaids and honor attendants are certainly pitching in however increasingly, Mom is fitting occasion crucial and there is no fake pas in that. (In truth, showers thrown by way of household are ordinarilly the norm in a few areas of the nation.) And while it comes proper right down to it, the bathe is approximately items, regardless of who throws it. It appears like your mother simply wishes to be a side of your very certain day. That is sensible - she loves you and wishes you to be comfortable! Since you point out that she isn't financially equipped to host yet another bathe and also you could pick that she now not give a contribution to the bathe your MIL and SIL are throwing - believe of methods that you'll be able to make her suppose predominant and valued. - Have a certain position of honor for her to take a seat in the course of the bathe, ideally subsequent to you. Maybe the MIL and SIL can reliquish a few accountability in the course of the bathe - like writing down the items as you open them - on your mother to do. - Spend the morning earlier than the bathe (or night after) along with your mother for a few one-on-one time -At the bathe, deliver a small speech to thank your MIL and SIL for web hosting a beautiful bathe - take a moment on the finish to thank your mother for being supportive and handy in the course of the traumatic making plans time (and for the period of your whole lifestyles) I wish this is helping. Congratulations for your engagement. Enjoy this time - it flies by way of!
2016-08-29 07:24:57 · answer #11 · answered by liebermann 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋