How to tell parents their child is a bully?

Question

In a preschool where I am a teacher one child has a problem with hitting. Another has a problem with tattling. The tattling boy goes home and tells his parents all this stuff about the hitting boy that didn't happen or at least not to the extent that he says it is. Then he comes to school and teases the child so the child gets mad again. He tries to get the boy that is teasing to go away which just starts more problems. The teasing boys parents are coming to talk to me today. Thinking their son is the victim. How can I make them see that their child is almost as much at fault as the other boy? Insight into child development would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

Cite as many instances as you can, it makes for more tangible proof. Parents need to know how their child is behaving at school, so they can get involved before it becomes an out of control problem. It is pretty common for preschoolers to hit, but the reasons vary. There might be trouble at home, a new baby, or parental influences. It could be that the child has never learned how to express themselves appropriately, maybe they come from a household that tolerates hitting..Are their younger siblings? Older? Sometimes parents don't crack down on the "no hit" policy that other parents adopt..Not that they allow hitting, but when it oocurs they don't take the time, (or don't have the time) to address the situation, and so it escalates. You need to be up front and straight with them. No one should get offended, instead it should be looked at as a spring board for better communication with the child, and a behavioral modification program instituted at home as well as in the classroom.

Answer 2

I have been the parent of the child getting bullied and tattling. So, I will give it to you from my point of view. My daughter would often come home telling me of aweful things a few other girls would do and say to them. These are children in the 5-6 year old range. And I of course was livid with the teachers for allowing this to go on, and the child, and the parents of this hellion. So, in speaking with the teacher, she tells me that both children are very good children, until you get them together, and then one instantly becomes a bully, and one the victim. And that the stories my daughter tell me are not exactly how it seems from the teacher's point of view. But I tell them that y daughter is not lying (which they agree) and that this child is causing a problem. And if it is the best solution, just keep them apart, and no one will continue to have a problem. They agreed, and I spoke to my daughter about staying away from the girl. Then the problems seemed to only occour once the daycare put these two ont he bus to school, and they were no longer supervised that this gilr was becoming a bully again. So, I just kept having to insist to the daycare, the school, and the busdriver to keep this child away from mine. And they have done so. I no longer hear about this child torrmenting mine, and I get evil looks from the childs mother whenever we pass. But it all does not matter as long as she keeps her brat away from mine.

Answer 3

This type of behavior is deveopmentally appropriate, but socially unacceptable. I would advise you to 1) document how often and the cirumstances of the interactions between these students. 2) start by addressing the problem at school with the kids. Tell them that it hurts when you get hit, that it is wrong, you don;t want it to happen again, etc. Also, tell the tattle-tail that he needs to tell the whole story and the truth to his parents. (He is more liekly manipulating his parents than really telling on the boy) 3) when you have several days of data to take to the parents mention to them that their child is having difficulty with hitting or telling the truth or whatever and tell them how you have addressed the issue at school. Ask them to address it at home as well. 4) don't forget to praise the kids when they are behaving correctly. 5) set up a color card system for behavior management. 6) You might want to google the web for a site called You Can Handle Them All, which gives great tips for how to address these types of issues in teh classroom and with parents. Good luck.

Answer 4

I teach preschool as well, and my best advise for you would be to document every time the child hits the other one. State the date, time and circumstances. At our school we handle the parents personally but you may need to find out what your schools policy is. But at our school at the end of the day I tell the childs parents what happened and have them sign the paper that I am documenting the behavior on. Then I document what was said in our conversation. After about five times of this happenening I take it to the next level which is our assistant principal, and I let him make the next decision. I highly recommend you document everything, it is for your own saftey and so no one can say you didnt say anything or that they were unaware of the behavior. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Always start with what the parent WILL agree with:
" I know you are a caring parent and you want the best for your child and of course you will want to know when a problem arises so we can all work together to nip it in the bud. Every child has some issues here and there and one that has come to light about your child is __________. What can we do so that your child can feel good about them self? This situation is making things hard for them" ..... Sincerely put it that you KNOW the parents want to do what is best and then tell them plainly what the problem is.

Answer 6

tattling and making up lies is just as harmful as hitting. Except one is mentally and one is physically. You need to tell the boys parents of the tattler that he is flat out lying, making up stories that just plainly did not happen.Then you tell them that their son is instigating the other boy until he finally socks him to get him to go away. If it doesn't stop i would suggest separating the two boys, maybe to a different class. To see if its just this one boy the tattler has a problem with.

Answer 7

If you are a teacher you have had many classes, lectures, handouts etc. dealing with this matter. This is not new.

Take care of it the soon the better~~for the child, you and all the
children.

Be assertive and tactful always~ ~ good luck!

Answer 8

Just blurt it out. Don't sugar-coat it.

Answer 9

try to video tape what's happening . .. this way everyone will believe it