When I cheated it wasn't sexual, just physical. But now he always thinks I'm lying, makes everything my fault, talks down on me, and everytime we argue he brings up that incident, he goes through my phone, screens my calls, doesn't wnat me to have any male friends, gets mad when I go out as a group if males are present, but when I try to get him to go with me anywhere he doesn't want to.
2006-10-05 06:02:09 · 40 answers · asked by moi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm sorry to say he has not given you a second chance yet, nor has he forgiven you. He just has not pushed you out of his life. If your relationship is going to survive, he has to put it behind him. Maybe once he understands cheating better, he will try to move forward.
Cheating is a symptom. If life were perfect, no one wouldld have an emotional void or need that would compel them to cheat. It's not about the affair, it's about you and your relationship.
Not in all cases, but many, cheating is a symptom not an end to itself. If one, or both, of the the people in a relationship are not getting what they need from the relationship, the will be trouble to follow. The trouble may be depression, substance abuse, gambling, cheating, or some other form of needful behavior.
Sure, there are a small percentage of people who cheat just to cheat. We all know one or two of those. The bigger picture of adultery is something more complicated where everyone is a victim. No. it does not excuse the behavior, but it helps to better understand it. In a perfect world if someone is not getting what they need emotionally, they talk with their partner and all is well. Since the world, and people, are not perfect this sometimes does not happen. Sometimes the cheater can't even process that they are missing something, but still feel the buried emotions.
So a cheater is a cheater? Sometimes, but sometimes the cheater is also a person reaching out and reaches to the wrong place for what they are missing. So address the root problem. It may take some honesty and soul searching, but you can do it. Take it from a reformed cheater. I spent good money figuring it out and will never forget the lessons i have learned.
So maybe a little understanding may come from hubby if he understands the cause. If he does not understand the cause that means he has no control over it ever happening again. Good Luck
2006-10-05 06:10:31 · answer #1 · answered by Thomas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get rid of him! You realize it already too - he's being emotionally abusive to you. Not healthy.
He doesn't trust you. And the fact that he gave you a second chance doesnt mean he forgave you and can trust you again.
It's a hard thing to get over. (Physical, sexual, whats the difference?) You took a bond he thought you held sacred and smashed it up. You may try to think you are both over it but if he's still not, he wont ever be.
Sounds more or less like he took you back to "make you pay" or something sick like that.
Time for you to both move on. You'll be happier with a clean slate with someone who treats you right.
2006-10-05 06:04:38 · answer #2 · answered by Miz_Kassandra 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Emotional abuse is not a second chance....it is slow, painful, confusing, humiliating, never ending punishment.
You have to ask your self why you cheated in the first place?
Usually, it doesn't happen in relationships that are fulfilling and reciprocal.
When trust has been violated, it takes time and sincere desire to re-build.....however, if he is not giving you a chance to rebuild the trust, and continues to 'live in the offense' and hold it over your head, he obviously hasn't forgiven you and is not taking any responsibility for his part in your strayng in the first place.
So, as you evaluate the cost of this relationship versus what you are likely to gain....Do you really want to say in it?
Always remember that you deserve to be loved.......and by someone who will make your life better...not worse.
Don't ever settle...the wrong guy is NOT better than no guy.
2006-10-05 06:26:52 · answer #3 · answered by zuzu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk with him and lay things out once and for all. Tell him yes, you cheated, you're sorry, it'll never happen again (if that is the truth), but also tell him that he needs to make a decision: either he forgives you and moves on, or you leave. Also, remember that forgiveness takes time, it also takes time to rebuild the trust that you sacrificed when you had an affair. You should be doing everything in your power to reassure him that it will never happen again. But he has to show that he is taking steps forward rather than taking steps back.
2006-10-05 06:08:06 · answer #4 · answered by Please use other door 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see where both of you are coming from. Of course you don't deserve that but it is obvious he is insecure and scared you will do it again. I had a simialar situation in his favour so I know how it can be hard to trust someone. You really hav eto prove to him that you love him and redeem yourself if you want him to believe you. And...it will take a long time, it really will so you need to be prepared to show him you truly love him and wont ever do it again. At the same time you need to tell him you know he is scared and worried but it doenst give him the right to try and contol you int he ways he is trying too. tell him you know what you did was wrong but that you told him b/c you thought he should know and do little things to get honesty back. Stupid things work, like tell him exactly what you ate for luch. Try not to ever fib. Go out of your way to show him the truth and earn back his respect but dont let him walk on you just so he can hav ea power trip eithier. I wish you the best of luck. trust is probably the absolute hardest thing to get back once its been violated but i think its possible to at least be friends if it doesnt work out rmantically. tell him exactly why you did it inthe first place. dont excuse yourself but be honest just like you have been on here. good luck!
2006-10-05 06:12:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wasn't sexual, just physical??? What the hell does that mean?
This relationship is over. He doesn't trust you. Period. Granted he has a REASON not to trust you. But if you're looking for him to be all "aw, honey, it's OK, I still love you", forget it... You poisoned this relationship when you cheated. Move on and stop whining about being "emotionally abused". What do you think you did to him when you cheated?
2006-10-05 06:08:12 · answer #6 · answered by bodinibold 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean not sexual just physical? Is that not the same thing? So you ****** up in the first place and burned his trust in you. What the hell? You did it in the first place. Move on you ****** up that relationship. Next time work out your problems before falling for your so called physical relief.
2006-10-05 06:10:28 · answer #7 · answered by omvg1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course he will not trust you. You deserve to have your calls screened and to not be trusted around men. What you don't deserve however is to be talked down on. Men will forgive but never forget that is why he wil always bring that incident up. I would tell him how you feel about the way he talks to you if he doesn't stop I would leave no one deserves emotional abuse.
2006-10-05 06:06:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have done all this to your self for cheating in the first place so now if i was you i would get out of this relationship as it will get out of hand. it will not be long before he starts hitting you
2006-10-05 06:11:52 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont do it becuz if u do it ure start being like suicidal or somethng and yull be all depressed and all that belive me i know i once was there and i didnt really like doing it after we broke uo i felt so much better i even did stuff i origanally didnt do like i went to the beach be my self with no problems i went shoppin in the mall i went to store for groceries i went to the park walkd my dog bought a cell phone started alkn on the web started chating to people thing i reall ywasnt able to do when we went out.{im gay
2006-10-05 06:10:07 · answer #10 · answered by gabriel g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋