My 13 yo old son admitted to me that he has been smoking cigarrettes. I am disappointed and have told him I do not approve. He was afraid to tell my husband his step dad. My husband thinks I should punish him and try to tell him he cannot hang out with his friends anymore. I feel that by trying to control him it will just worsen the situation. I am glad my son feels comfortable talking to me. I am concerned about the fact that he feels so uncomfortable around my husband. Should I punish him?
2006-10-05 05:39:22 · 16 answers · asked by aleiah126 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I cannot tell you what to do, but do not ban him from his friends. I started smoking when I was 14 and my dad was extremely strict. he banned me from all my friends when he found out and let me tell you that leads to a whole lot of sneaking around. I hated to lie to my mom, but because my dad was so strict I had to sneak and I eventually started trying other things. The best thing I think would be to just let him know how very disappointed you are, leave him special notes telling him how much you love him and you want him to be healthy Just letting him know how you feel is the best thing!! They want to make their parents happy. I am 22 now and smoke free.
2006-10-05 05:44:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, don't punish him for that, and certainly don't tell him who he can and cannot hang around with (unless they're criminals).
Mothers can do such damage to their sons (i'm not saying you have), by trying to control them. at his age, you need to lighten up a bit. Certainly talk to him about things, express how you feel, and of course some things deserve consequences. But this doesn't. It's a bad choice that brings it's own consequences.
Maybe you should do some research on why kids start smoking. I don't know the reasons. I never smoked until I was almost 19. But I think a lot of problems come from them wanting to feel like they're grown up and they can do whatever they want. Have you been too protective in the past?
Mothers are usually overly protective with their sons, and boys hate it, and it does cause them problems. I think all mothers should read, Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. It's a book about 'the heart of a man'. It's a Christian book, but even if you're not a Christian, it really helps you to understand boys, and the proper role of parents in a young man's life.
When I read that book, I was shocked at how accurate it seemed to be when it talked about what a boy needs from his parents. I recognized so many mistakes my parents made, and what their mistakes did to me. I'm not a bitter person, so it didn't bother me. I forgive them. But it was good information.
Anyway, that's all I've got for now. Email me if you have any other questions. I don't think the advice you need is going to come from other mothers. Most mothers do not understand boys well enough.
2006-10-05 05:48:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he should receive punishment or he will think it is okay.....and you accept it. I would let your husband talk to him man to man... don't get all gushy about him feeling comfortable talking to you.. you are a female and want to love and nurture all the time, it is part of a mother's role. Sometimes, I am afraid your son will be pulling the wool over your eyes, and you are not doing him any favours by not discipling him. It is very difficult to let someone else discipline, but it will teach him that there are consequnces for his actions and that you and your husband are a team and work together...You divide your power by not backing one another .. don't make this mistake, As you son gets older the problems increase and you really do need a male parent's support....
This is from experience.........
2006-10-05 05:50:00 · answer #3 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I would thank your son for being so honest with you. Tell him you really appreciate how the two of you can openly discuss these types of situations. Don't punish him, but give him all of the tools he needs to make smarter decisions about smoking and health related issues due to smoking. Take him to a local hospital. Maybe have him volunteer there.
2006-10-05 05:55:47 · answer #4 · answered by thejenns22 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I wish someone would have stopped me from smoking when i was 13. I think the best thing you can do is print out all the pictures of cancerous lungs and smoking horror stories you can find, ask him if he wants to breathe through a hole in his throat, see if you can get one of this things as an example and just completly drive him crazy sick with the whole thing. It seems like torture to a kid when your parents nag the crap out of you, you need to scare him straight now. So that can be his punishment. Scare him till he wants to vomit from even looking at a ciggarette.
2006-10-05 07:55:12 · answer #5 · answered by Jersey Style 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard situation there. I have a 13 year old also and I know how quickly they can get in bad situations and around the wrong crowd. I am a smoker myself so it would be an even tougher situation for me. I watch very closely the friends that my daughter chooses and if I disapprove then she does not see them. You should tell him that he is not allowed to see those friends anymore. Maybe take him to a local hospital and visit some lung cancer patients. That is probably what I need to do also maybe then I could quit.
2006-10-05 05:46:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that you should punish him also because at 13 he knows the risks of smoking a "cigarrette"
But I would take him to one of those hospitals that has a lot of people that has been smoking all their lives and the effects that it had on them. That would teach him.
2006-10-05 05:43:59 · answer #7 · answered by Foxxy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell him the consequences of smoking and how its bad for your health and his. tell him the facts about all the things that smoking does and just ground him but don't give him a severe punishment. tell him smoking isnt cool at all, which is probably why he was doing it in the first place. he's made a mistake and help your husband understand that. gl
2006-10-05 06:31:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to punish him if you don't he's thinking well mom isn't punishing me for it so it must be okay to keep doing it. Find out where he is getting them from. One time my dad caught my brother smoking and lets just say my bro didn't like the taste of them after that. He was huggin' the toliet.
2006-10-05 06:22:49 · answer #9 · answered by BadAssGirlINWV 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you shoudl never let a 13 year old run there own life. you need to controil him to keep him from doing stupid things. you don't know that if you do nothing that it wont add to smokinig weed or pot or drinking or having sex. not adviseable here. bad choice in friends you need to put a lock down on his *** because he is only hurting himself and making himself look stupid. tell him NO SMOKING EVER AGAIN. or put him on probation because a minor smoking is mega illegal you could get in trouble with the cops for not watching your son. get him help and get him nicorette pathces and gum and lazanges. also know that he smokes because his friends pressure him and he is stuck in the oral stage. and that means he has to have something in his mouth to keep him busy . don't let him do that buy gum for him please stop it before it is to late
2006-10-05 05:50:29 · answer #10 · answered by Da Q 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋