My ex and I divorced two years ago and it has never been friendly. We have two daughters who are now 6 and 4.He constantly calls me (harassing, threatening) I have changed my number 2 times and he keeps finding ways to get it. He wasn't seeing our children at all (voluntarily) up until a few months ago. Now he has begun dating this woman and he has started wanting the girls more often. This is great except, I don't feel like this woman is a very good person for my girls to be around. I know I cant do anything about who he dates, but she is something else. She is 29 and has three kids with two different dads. She is currently pg again and doesn't know who the father is. (She is claiming it is my ex's) She had numerous affairs on her first husband that ended in pregnancies that she terminated. She uses foul language and drinks a lot in front of my girls and she is constantly bad mouthing me and my family to my girls. Please give me some advice on how to deal with this
2006-10-05 05:34:31 · 25 answers · asked by babe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I am in no way still in love with this man. I am happily in a relationship with another man...my concern is for my children. I do not want them growing up in her presence thinking the life she leads is acceptable.
When I married this guy...he was normal. He had a lot of traumatic experiences back to back within one year and kind of went off the deep end.
2006-10-05 05:41:37 · update #1
Well...unless the girls are in actual physical danger when with your ex and his woman, then there's not a lot you can do about keeping them away from him. Use this as a way to teach your girls about the real world. There's lots of different kinds of people out there and not all of them are really nice, but we all have to find a way to get along.
When he calls you and gets harassing, hang up on him and let the answering machine pick up his calls. Your best bet is to have him leave a threatening message on your answering machine, because he knows he's being recorded so it's legal in court, should you want to press charges
Find out if there could be supervised visitation if you're really concerned about the nature of the conversations. You could claim that she says inappropriate things and you'd rather she not be there when the girls are visiting him. Believe me, if you could pull this off, he'd be less likely to want to have the girls around because he's only using them to look like a family man to his woman. This would be good news for you!
Good Luck!
2006-10-05 05:46:15 · answer #1 · answered by Chellebelle78 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What do your divorce papers say regarding parenting time?
Is he to have them every other weekend or what's his schedule? If you have sole physical & sole legal and he has no set visitation, I think you have every right to determine whether or not your daughters should be with him while she's there. You need to express to your ex what your concerns are about their exposure to her, the drinking, foul language, and the bad mouthing. If she can't control herself while around your children, then they will not be allowed parenting time with him.
If he does have set visitation, you cannot deny him his parenting time. But again, clear cut rules need to be set on what's acceptable and what's not when the girls are with him. If he can't do that or is unwilling, threaten to have his visitation limited, perhaps even supervised visitation if necessary.
When all else fails, seek the advise of a good family atty. or family mediator.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, I hope everything turns out for the best for you and your girls.
2006-10-05 05:49:30 · answer #2 · answered by smh 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As unfortunate as it is, you probably don't have much legal recourse against her at this point. The court could care less whether she is a moral-less tramp...however, be careful not to badmouth her to your children. They are smart enough to figure out for themselves she's not a woman they want to be around. You need to find out what you can do about your ex, which unfortunately at this point probably isn't much either. Just don't get into any arguments with him...avoid getting him spun up at all costs. Just let your kids know they need to let you know if anything makes them scared or upset. Give them some credit for being able to make decisions. If you think your ex is a real scum then you should push for supervised visitation.... Just be careful ok?
2006-10-05 05:43:12 · answer #3 · answered by favrd1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's tough. As for your ex, only communicate with him if it is about the girls. Other than that, you will just add fuel to the fire if you fight back with him. I would hope that your ex would not allow such talk around his children. If he does, I am sorry to say there is not much you can do. The time that they are with you just continue teaching them good morals and explain to them that the way daddy's girlfriend talks is unacceptable and will not be tolerated at your house. They are with you most of the time so what you teach them is what they will be most easily influenced by. Good luck, maybe this relationship between your ex and this girl won't last.
2006-10-05 05:47:01 · answer #4 · answered by Kim M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is really nothing you can do. You cannot get a (209A)restraining order against her as she doesn't fit the criteria of a 209A. Your ex, unfortunately, can date whoever he wants (as can you). Unless there is proof she is harming the children -which means getting the children screened professionally, he can bring her along. My ex had a gf who was even worse as well as volatile. Not only that, she had been jealous of me since high school and used to tell my children horrible things about which (which fortunately they didn't believe). Well, he married her and guess what? He cheated on her too and left her for someone else. You need to do whatever is best for your children when they are with you. You can't be consumed with him and who is he seeing - no matter what kind of person she is...........
2006-10-05 05:44:22 · answer #5 · answered by Lioness 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speak to a welfare worker or social worker (or maintenance court) and explain the situation. If they interview the children, and get confirmation of what this woman is like, they can stop your ex from having visitation right while she is around. You MUST do what is best for your children and their environment. The foul language and drinking in front of your girls is absolutely a NO NO. They rely on you to protect them from situations like this, so you must do everything in your power to stop exposing them to the likes of her. Good luck.
2006-10-05 05:41:13 · answer #6 · answered by Vonnie S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to sit your ex down and tell him you do not appreciate the way this person talks around your girls. If he still gives you a hard time about it then you need to take this in front of Friend of the court and at least get it on record you feel she is a bad influence. If your ex truly loves his daughters, then hopefully he will do the right thing and talk to his new GF and ask her to tone it down around your girls. Good luck!!!
2006-10-05 05:39:12 · answer #7 · answered by b_iceman2001 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like you said, you can't do any thing about who your ex chooses to date. What you can do is decide to keep your contact and that of your children limited to only what is required by the courts to occur with your ex. When he calls you just tell him straight up if isn't directly related to something important about one of the girls that your hanging up. If he isn't civil or isn't about them just hang up. When you choose to listen to him or get mad then he wins. Just be polite and live up to the letter of the law of what is needed and nothing more. After you kids have spent time with him, take time to talk to them and kind of debrief them. This gives them time to switch gears from one environment and switch back to the other and lets you stay involved in what is going on. Remember, you can only control so much and most of that is related to you and your actions so focus your energy there and don't let the rest bother you so much.
2006-10-05 05:43:09 · answer #8 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really want my opionion? If she treats you kids like crap and drinks alot infront of them I would charge the dad with child support and go kick her ***!! Really it feels very good. She hasn't come around since and I got my man back and hasn't been an *** after that. Let her be a bi**h first though so you dont get all the blame.
2006-10-05 05:43:48 · answer #9 · answered by BrendaLP 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't let them go around her at all. Unless you have a visitation agreement by the courts, you shouldn't have to let him see the girls at all. If you want him to be a part of their lives, then get a new agreement that states he can have visitation, or supervised visitation without the girlfriend, if you think he would like about it anyway.
2006-10-05 05:39:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋