Why do some people think marriage necessary before having children?

Question

I just don't understand why people are still hung up on people being married before they have kids. Do you feel this way? Why do some people think is necessary? Do people honestly think just because two people are married they somehow make better parents? In a world where it is uncommon to actually wait to have sex until marriage--why does it matter?

Take that back--in a country (US) where having premarital sex is so common....?

Also--I meant why is marriage necessary when the two parents are still together. I'm not talking about single parents.

I would really love to know how a kid is effected when his/her parents aren't married. There are so many other things that effect an outcome of a child--and marriage I believe is at the bottom of the list!

I just wanted to add. I'm married. I've only had sex with my husband. We have a son together and we're raising my cousin. With that said---I still don't see why it is such a big deal.

Answer 1

as someone who has raised one child and halfway through 2 more, my experience has been that you NEED a female and a male to raise well-rounded healthy children. (of course there are a few exceptions) I have 3 boys- when they were little, they preferred me...as they grow older, they rely on dad more. As i am not a man, there is no way i can answer "guy" questions, offer insight into why men do what they do, personal stuff involving men, etc. (same reason why dads don't usually give the period/sex/birth control talks!)
Most of all, though, children learn how to develop relationships based on what they see from us... How will your daughters learn how to treat a man without a dad? How would sons know how to treat ladies if there is no mom around? You would have to do triple duty picking up the slack... and most people fall short, as evidenced by single parent families w/ problem kids.
In my humble opinion, parents do children a monumental disservice by bringing them into this harsh world and not being around for them. Because of this, you shouldn't have sex with someone you wouldn't want to share parenting with!

Answer 2

I think it's best, but not necessary to have parents that are married. It shows commitment. I agree with you, in that two parents not married but together is not a bad situation, two loving parents at all is better than most kids have. But why would you live together and not be married? I mean, long enough to raise a child? I don't understand? It's more than a piece of paper, it's a vow, a promise, a legally binding contract, who's not entitled to that? If I were a baby waiting to be born, I would pick a happily married couple, and not two people living together, I'd want to feel some sense of security, even if it's a false perception. People live together and split up all the time, that's not the same as divorce.

I don't judge, I just don't understand.

Answer 3

The reason premarital sex is so common is because a lot of people have the attitude that it is ok and they pass that belief onto their children. It is called perpetuating the cycle. If more parents would teach their children that sex before marriage is inappropriate then maybe children would stop being so promiscuous.

Also if two people are together as parents why not get married? If you are already living the life why not just do it. It seems to me like its just a cop out to make it easier to leave if things get rough. What sort of example does it set for children if their parents tell them they shouldn't have sex before marriage but aren't married themselves.

I'm not trying to be holier than thou. I didn't wait until I was married to have sex, but I haven't ever had sex with anyone but my husband. So at least on some level I won't be a hypocrite when I tell my daughter she should only have sex with her husband.

Answer 4

I think if you can't make a commitment to stay together till death do you part, how can you make a commitment to raise a child together? Believe it or not, I think people are more likely to walk away from a relationship when it's not a marriage. Children deserve the stability of their parents being married.

Now that being said, I don't think people who are married are better parents. there are so many people who are in bad marriages. As for your comment about the state of the world or the US; just because it's so rare for people to wait until marriage to have sex, doesn't make that right!

I'll also mention that I'm a 25 year old single mom (and a pretty good one) of 5 year old twin boys. I married their father when they were 1, and separated from him last year. My kids' dad no longer shows any significant commitment to our kids.

Answer 5

It sets a good example to the children. Children model their lives after the adults in their lives. If they see commitment, it gives them a sense of security that you wouldn't find in a home where perhaps daddy is someone different every few years. That, in turn, sets them up to see marriage as beneficial in life. Married people may not make better individual parents, but they do make it easier one each parent by having a supporting partner to turn to when things get rough.

When people say that we live in a world where this or that is uncommon, my first thought is: are you really all that impressed with this world? It's violent and unstable. Love takes a back seat to success, power, money… these aren't things that make your life better. The "it's acceptable by our society" argument is the worst I've ever heard.

Ask any child of divorce or any child of unmarried, parents that aren't still together if they'd rather have had married, committed parents. I don't think you'll get many to say they'd preferred it that way.

Answer 6

If 2 people are committed on all levels and mature adults, I see no reason to definitely make it legal...but there are other things that do come into play. If an unmarried couple breaks up, there are not as many legal protection factors (communal property for example)

If a married couple acquires items during a marriage, it means those items belong to both parties. It does not mean that if there is no legal marriage I believe and in turn can cause many problems that in turn effect children. Unmarried couples may also have issues if one of the partners gets ill. I know a couple who had kids before marriage and the mother had to have a serious surgery. Her partner had limited rights because they were not married...so they got married!

Answer 7

Well, believe alot of it has to do with maturity and commitment. Some people are raised to believe in certain ways of life and accept those ways. Married or not has nothing to do with being a good parent. However, stability, maturity and commitment do. I know quite a few people who have children but really needed a life guard in the gene pool. Parenting is hard and not a decision that should be taken lightly. My opinion is. If you are not in a good enought relationship to make the commitment of marraige, then you should not be even considering children. Children are a lot bigger commitment than marraige and there is no divorcing them.
There are way too many single parents in the world today and most of them are burdens on the system because of lower income levels and education levels. Not all mind you..but most.

Answer 8

I don't know. I got married to my husband because I was pregnant and that has just caused us problems... not that I don't want to be committed.... I just wasn't ready to be married.

We now have some problems, and are trying to find ways to make things work. I think it would have been simpler to let things take their course, and had us actually get married when we were ready....

To your question though... the reason why we got married and it became important was family pressure. My parents thought that my son wouldn't be accepted into the eyes of the Lord unless we were married. We aren't Christian, but I think we both caved into family pressures.

It's not a good answer... but it's the truth. *sigh*

(And this is why we want a baby sitter, LOL. I think right now, especially after moving we need some time out. We have never used a sitter before... but we are running out of options and we haven't had any time with just us in a year.... We both love our son, but it's becoming apparent, we need to work on ourselves a little as a couple too right now.)

Answer 9

That's the reason we have so many problems today! Children need the example of 2 loving parents who work together to raise them in a loving and healthy environment and teach them right and wrong. Of course there are times when there are single parents and they make very good parents, and they do a wonderful job, but the children will miss out on something if they do not have the example of both mother and father. Men and women are different and children learn different things from both of them.

Marriage is important.....it does matter!

Answer 10

I think its a good idea because it shows a bigger committment between the parents. A lot of unmarried couples will split up later on (not that married people dont get divorced). But a marriage is a more stable relationship and it offers more protection to the child (paternity will not have to be established if child support becomes an issue). Also it is nice to be a family not a boyfriend and girlfriend who have a child together. I personally hate to hear "My baby's daddy or my baby's momma".