What would you do?

Question

I used to work for my Dad, then after finding out my husband and I were expecting our first child, we handed our 5 weeks notice and moved back to the UK. During the 5 weeks, my Dad was spiteful and rude and always made me cry (I was very emotional - and gave up smoking!!!) so I was even more stressed. Now I'm back in the Uk I haven't spoken to him in 2 months. I've tried to keep in touch with emails and sent him pictures of my scans and what we're up to, but all his replies are 'off' and distant and I got one today, bulleted points of how we left him in the **** and all this work he's had to do. not even asking how I am again. I think we did everything right. Surely at 24 i have the right to make my own decisions in life.
Should I just give up on him, or just realise it's HIS problem not mine and keep trying to fix our relationship? I've just realised I don't like him as a person.

jennifer c - It may have seemed like we left early, as I was 12 weeks pregnant at the time, but I wanted good health care for myself and my child. It was in another country where I couldn't speak the language and I just had an instict to be somewhere that I felt safe, in a way. I could have stayed til near the end, but I wanted to be somewhere I knew. I guess it just seemed like a mother's instinct to be somewhere that could take care of us. (the health care there was NOT good)

Answer 1

You don't have to justify your leaving him to come back to England. It seems as though your father has forgotten that you were more than just another employee, but also his daughter. It sounds like your father has been very self-centred and is obsessed with work. Some people just sometimes have their priorities all wrong like putting work and career above family. This doesn't necessarily mean he is a bad person and you shouldn't just give up on him. Keep him informed as to what is going on with you and the baby and let him know that you understand that his work is important to him but you are his family. He has let you know that he feels disappointed with your so-called deserting him, well that should be an opening for you to let him know that you feel disappointed that he is showing no interest in your well being or the welfare of his grandchild. Remember, you did the right thing by you and your unborn baby AND you had the decency and good grace to give him 5 weeks notice that you were leaving. (Most places you only need to give 4 weeks notice). He is the one with the issues so let him know exactly how you feel - you only get one set of parents (whether we like them or not!) Family is always worth the effort.

Answer 2

You may dislike his ways and actions, but don't give up on him. You love your dad , that's why you want this matter resolved. Don't stress right now , it's not healthy for you and baby. He is just mad and he doesn't know how to deal with his anger. Your a grown woman and u did what you had 2 do. I am glad you gave ur notice just as if he was any other employer. He raised you right. Keep sending the e-mails 2 him. Let him feel & know your the bigger person. Have ur hubby read the e-mails b4 u do. If it's something that may stress u out--don't read it. create a dad folder. Have hubby put the e-mails u haven't read in that folder. I'm quite sure if you have a boy you & hubby discussed the name by now. You probably decided on having ur dads name somewhere in the babys name. If so, your dad will full of joy. Even if it's a girl--still his baby had a baby. When he looks into that childs eyes 4 the 1st time--nothing else matters. After that delete the dad folder without reading it if u want 2. All of that was probably said bcuz the love he has 4u.

Answer 3

You have the right to make your own decisions, and I think you did it all right. Hes being selfish and thats fine that you dont like him as a person. Hes going about this all wrong. I wouldnt give up on him, but I would write him an email and point out how hes acting and how wrong it is. You DID give him 5 weeks notice. What more does he want?

Answer 4

Just send him Xmas card and birthday card so he can never throw that back in your face. He is the one that is being selfish. I understand how he feels but he must realise that the world does not revolve around him and that now that you are yourself going to become a parent, your priorities have also changed. You need to look after you, and the baby as well as your husband. You will always love him and don't give up on him as such, but don't push him either. His lack of interest towards this unborn baby is totally out of order, but maybe he is deep down finding it hard to accept that he is going to be a grandad. It is a sign that he is getting older and possibly can't hack it himself. He will come to his senses in time, just let him sulk. He should be asking about your wellbeing, and show interest in your baby. He'll be begging for forgiveness in no time.

Answer 5

How sad that your dad reacted that way.

He is probably sad that his little girl - who he got to see all the time at work has grown up and moved away. Not only moved away but moved countries!!!!

Remind him that you love him and that you have done what you did out of the best interest for you and his grandchild. Tell him you are still his little girl at hart and need him even if you are not in the same country - tell him how you feel, ask him question and get him to join in with the experience of having your first child.

He is probable feeling left out - unloved and betrayed for you leaving so quickly (not saying you have done any of these things but he might be feeling it). Remember he is human and put yourself in his shoes - how would you feel if it had happened to you. Where is your mum in all of this?

That aside - he is being a idiot for potentially pushing you away more. Work on it a little longer - it would be sad to not share your happy times with family.

Look after yourself and take care.

Answer 6

You did nothing wrong at all, no other employer would treat you like that he probably just feels like he has the right too because your his daughter. Tell him how you feel and that if he doesnt buck up his ideas then you dont want to hear from him again, tell him all the upset is bad for you and your baby and maybe he might realise family is more important than a job.

Answer 7

Well if i was in your shoes i'd write to him saying how you feel. Like how your old enough to make your own decisions and say how he's not being very fair on you, your husband or his unborn grandchild. If he still doesnt reply i would send one saying that your getting on with your life and you just want to be happy and if he can't be happy for you then whats the point in emailing or writing.

ok, thats what i'd do, lol. Hope you can work things out.

Answer 8

Your dad is being very selfish! If you were just an employee, not his daughter then the same thing could have happened. He will come around, I am sure of it. In the meantime, just try not to get too upset by him.

Good luck with the pregnancy, I am sure you will be just fine.

Answer 9

You don't have to hate your father for anything. Theman is just crossed at the moment and may not be responsible for his actions now. My suggestion is that you keep on doing what you are doing and give hima break. when the baby arrives he will have a new opinion. However, avoid being rude to him, it won't do anybody any good.

Answer 10

Your dad will be a different person when your baby is born-baby's have this habit of pulling family's together.On the working point,surely your dad can employ someone else to do your duties-it can't be that difficult,in spite of the moaning he did!!