We have been together for 8 years, our love life has completely stopped. im 27 he is 29, hes never interested in doing anything. i have asked if he loves me, he says yes. We dont even kiss anymore. I feel really sad, lost and lonely. We never go out. I cook for him, clean the house and wash his clothes, he cant even be bothered to cook for me just one night in the week. Every night he goes into the spare room and sits on the computer so we dont get to talk, only when we say goodnight. He looks at other women naked on the computer but when i got dressed up for him all he said was 'thats nice, how much did that cost' then walked of and fetched something to eat. i felt stupid and embarassed.
2006-10-05 04:21:45 · 38 answers · asked by bekie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Okey day, what are you still doing there?? If leaving doesn't wake him up, at least you know you can move on and find a more appreciative bloke.
2006-10-05 04:25:05 · answer #1 · answered by Disgruntled Biscuit 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd like to say that you could make this work, but...
you shouldn't have to MAKE anything work, nor should you settle.
I've been in two relationships where I felt like this and in both instances I thought that if I stuck around for a little bit longer, just a little bit longer, that things would get better, they'd change, etc.
But it never did.
You need to be with someone who cares about, and from what I've read above, it doesn't sound like this guy is it.
As far as the whole porn thing goes... that's nauseating. If he was single and lived in a frat house, cool, awesome, but he's in a serious relationship and that should have been the first thing to go.
If you think you can 'make it work', give it a shot, but I suggest you pull yourself together, gather what dignity you have left, and hit the road. You can find, and deserve, so much better.
Good luck.
2006-10-05 04:30:16 · answer #2 · answered by Alyssa Dee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been in the same situation. My advise would stop doing the house for him, and washing his clothes, go out more and dont tell him where you are going. He will then notice how much you are doing for him, and wonder if he has lost you. If this doesn't work, I would talk to him. If he says he loves you then he'll change, if he doesn't change I would leave the relationship. I know it is hard, but you will find some one that deserves you!!!!!!
He doesnt know what hes got till its gone!!!! Give it 1 month deadline and see how it goes!I think you are brave for dressing up, I only wish i had the bottle!!!
2006-10-05 05:35:41 · answer #3 · answered by Pussycat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk, then you'll find out. It may or may not be. Hope you can work it all out, you are still very young and should have more things in common as well as the desire to do things together. If he is already a hermit, what will happen when you both become parents eventually (if thats what you want). Lazy, computer obsessed and uninterested in common goals in life as well as lack of consideration for you isn't good. From now on I suggest you either talk first, or if you already have done, from this day forward, make your own dinner, get him to iron his own clothes and wash his own dishes, and see how long before he comes to his senses. He's become too comfortable over the 8 years and this one sided routine needs to stop.
2006-10-05 04:42:09 · answer #4 · answered by ribena 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
looks like you need a new man....if he wont accept you...then have someone else enjoy you...i have just ended a 10 year relationship because of the same thing, if he chooses to look at other women on line....then you get out there and meet someone else...your still young, and there's alot of guys out there who will give you their attention, let him do without, if he don't appreciate you...then get rid of him....make him feel the way he makes you feel, and see how he likes it, ignore him when he wants feeding or clean clothes, tell him he knows where the washing machine is and the cooker is in the same room.....he seems pretty selfish to me, he wants you to do everything for him, and will return nothing, hide the keyboard or screen in the computer room, or take the fuse out of the plug so it wont switch on at all, don't allow him to treat you like some doormat...give him what he deserves....he's taking the piss out of you, stop cooking and cleaning and washing for him, let him do his own work, he's a grown man, if he wants a mother he should have stayed at home...go out, meet friends, just have some fun, don't let this get to you, there's life out there...go enjoy it
2006-10-05 04:35:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
im so sorry, but it looks like it might be for him im afraid. if he s spending his time looking at porn, when he has a real woman in front of him, who he then humiliates, ignores and hurts.
your relationship could be saved if he wanted to, but i really dont think he cares much anymore. he has you as his little housewife doing everything for him, while he sits on his **** on the computer. he takes you for granted.
why not try stopping doing everything for him? let him get his own dinner,go out with your friends, dress up and have a good time. make him realise that you have a life and you may go else where if he doesnt buck up his ideas.
have you got access to the computer when he s not there? i dont want to upset you, but he might be involved with someone else online, either in chat rooms or one to one. can you check his emails and computer history?
he s taking you for a mug, please have some self respect and dignity and get something better for yourself. your still young, you could spend the next 25 years being miserable as sin.
he says he loves you, i say actions speak louder than words...
2006-10-05 04:34:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no its not over, but the relationship is in crisis. trust me i have been "him" for the last year and only after one year of workin at it are things getting back on track. when you have been together for such a long time ( me an my girl 5 years) you take each other for granted. dont. make an effort to go out for a meal evry couple of weeks, if money is an issue dress up get the best food from market, sit at the dinner table put on sum candles enjoy a "nice" evening in. you need to have a proper sit down chat with your man. you gotta tell him how much he means to you but you drifting apart . grab hold of the reigns an dont let go
2006-10-05 04:27:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well i think hes just oblivious and taking you for granted. first, you need to talk. warn him to get off the computer and come talk. if that doesnt work, unplug the computer and take the key board. he will get mad but atleast he will talk to you. now you can tell him that this situation is not working. listen to his side and dont think you are the only one that can be right in a situation. if you cant reach a compromise you both can live with its over. move on. and one other thing, all guys hate spending money on things they think unnecessary. but they will look at other women in sexy clothes. its not that youre not hot or anyhting. its a guy thing. ask him if youre spending too much money or if its something he thinks is unnecessary.
2006-10-05 04:35:40 · answer #8 · answered by butterfly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has lost interest it seems...and you are beating yourself over the head over someone who does not even bother with you.
I suggest you get out of your "housewife" mode and take a LONG break from this relationship, to get your individuality again!
You are doing everything and more for him and he is still demeaning...
I am sure it will be difficult for you to go since this is such a long relationship...but, ask yourself, what do you want...because there are men who would love to have HALF of what you are giving to your partner!
Respect yourself by giving yourself time alone...he doesn't need you, he needs a maid, with benefits.
He is old enough to take care of himself, and please don't run back to him in case he suddenly changes, when you tell him you're leaving...because it will only be temporary changes...
Leave him for a while...and really think about what you want...and then only settle for what it is you want.
2006-10-05 04:31:11 · answer #9 · answered by Patience 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You deserve way better than that. But if you truly love him make him listen to you. Do you try to hard to get his attention...this is what worked for me. Go out and do things on your own, just say Hey, I'm going out with the girls.. Dont give him any attention and actlike you dont care and when he asks you whats up tell him exactly how you feel. Men strive of the fact that when women get in a relationship we cling to them and when we dont they get worried. Dont let him bring you down. There are men out there who will spoil you rotten
2006-10-05 04:28:05 · answer #10 · answered by slightlyjayded 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's stress up abt something...
why don't both of u have a heart to heart talk abt what's happening in ur life...?
If he's confesses that he doesn't love u anymore, then u got to move on... no use crying over spill milk..
Try n salvage the relationship if possible...
Be calm n patient... don't ever ever blow ur top k..
good luck n all the best!!!!
2006-10-05 04:25:14 · answer #11 · answered by ahsinoriahk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋