advice as to how to change? I want to date women and marry. I have gotton sick of the way gay people cheat and lie. I was brought up in church...and wanna get married....and have a faithful life partner. I'm looking for advice to make this happen?
2006-10-05 04:09:40 · 26 answers · asked by :-) 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
It's great that you've become a Christian and that you want to change.
People say it's impossible to change. That's not true.
Others say 'Pray and fast and God will change you'. Well, while praying and fasting can be good and helpful, that will not automatically change you. And while God sometimes miraculously delivers a person from a difficulty without going through all the processes, usually there is some work to do on it.
Don't 'marry a woman' in order to stop being gay. It doesn't work, and can cause a lot of heartache for yourself and others. I suggest you deal with your problem first.
I recommend a good Christian psychologist (find out first if he believes you can change: if he doesn't believe that, he can't help you!)
Contact Exodus International. (You can google that). It is an organization of former homosexuals, or struggling homosexuals. one of those who answered above claims that they are fake. That's not true. Many testimonies of changed lives. If that person doesn't want to change, that's his business. Or if he wanted to change and has become discouraged, I'm not judging him. However you should be allowed to have the opportunity to do what you can to change, with God's help.
He helps with His Spirit in you, with good understanding Christian fellowship (Note: not all Christian fellowship is always good and understanding, I'm afraid), and with able counselling from an organization such as Exodus International. You must be patient with yourself, God is patient with you. But you will also need a lot of perseverance, when it looks as though you are not getting anywhere.
Contrary to popular belief, a lot of homosexuality, if not all, has to do with your thought processes, which are kind of mysterious and have to do with childhood experiences - for example one friend I have, as a small child, used to daydream trying to think up ways he could get his father to notice him. He was in his late 20's when he realized that was what had set him off. Dealing with that matter was a help to him.
There can be hundreds of different reasons - you would need qualified counselling to find yours.
2006-10-05 04:39:22 · answer #1 · answered by Mr Ed 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You were with a guy who sucked (and I don't mean that in the fun way, of course.) This does not mean that all gay and bi men are bad, or that being gay is bad. Like anyone else, you have just come from a bad relationship; unlike straights, you are pressured to change orientation, not just take a break for yourself and stay away from assmonkeys next time.
You don't think straight women who've been with lying, cheating men should try to become lesbians, do you?
You don't really want to do that to yourself or a straight woman, do you?
You don't really want to spend hours and money being told how awful you are, do you?
You know there are gay and gay-friendly churches, right?
Please read the link below.
2006-10-05 04:21:24 · answer #2 · answered by GreenEyedLilo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What do you want to change, the fact that you're attracted to certain people more than others? It's a bit hard to change your likes and dislikes. You can try to repress them, but that doesn't seem healthy. Besides, there are just as many straight people who cheat and lie as gay people. The type of sex you like has little bearing on your moral character. I think you've been sold a pretty picture by the church that's not close to reality. Any relationship you get into, straight or gay, requires some level of work to make it successful. You have to pick your partner on the basis of both of your expectations for the relationship. You have ot establish some common ground for it to be successful.
2006-10-05 04:11:40 · answer #3 · answered by nondescript 7 · 4⤊ 2⤋
I've been there. After 8 years hard struggle, I got freedom. First can I say, the opposite of homo is not hetero, it's holy. That is the first goal. I didn't change by trying to change. Yes there are steps to take, mainly taking your thoughts captive, and not allowing yourself to get involved, but first and formost, you just have to seek Jesus. Run hard after Him and in the process, the sins just fall off. I mention my 8 years struggle to tell you that it can take time. All stories I've read are about that same length of time. Check out Exodus International, get on their mailing list. They're a really good group. Get a good support structure, friends help a lot. The only true hope for change is to ask Jesus.
I found that a lot of my problem was deception. I actually don't believe that gay exists now. Satan planted that thought in me and backed it up with other people's comments, and a small feeling one day. Mostly, my issue was just a paranoia that I might be gay. I believed that and started the ball rolling down over the cliff. Don't let the lie take root. Find it, expose it and rebuke it. Renounce your belief in the lie that you are gay. Don't speak it over yourself anymore. You are NOT gay!
2006-10-05 04:31:57 · answer #4 · answered by BaseballGrrl 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
All the evidence suggests that if you're gay, you can't change; folks like Exodus will lie through their teeth about it, though. If you're sick of cheating and lying -- heck, do you think you won't find that among straight people? If the problem is that your partner was a cheater and a liar, then the problem is NOT that you were gay. You think there are no honest gay men? You think there are no gay men who want lifetime commitment? There are. And you can get married in church if you want -- easy to find a UCC church where you can get married and find a spiritual home. Don't listen to the people who say you have a problem. There's nothing wrong with the way God made you.
2006-10-05 04:15:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
Your eyes have been opened to the Word of God. There is a divine reason why your relationship ended.
You cannot be gay and be a Christian in your heart at the same time.
Read the book of Leviticus and you will see what I mean.
Leviticus 18:22 says Thou shall not lie with mankind as with womankind, it is an abomination.
The only advice that I can give or that any other Christian can give is for you to pray to God for forgiveness for your sins. Pray and then repent of them and live your life according to how God wants you to live it. Invite Jesus into your heart and know that He died for you and also know that if you were the only person on earth, He still would have died just for you so that your sins could be wiped clean.
After you pray for forgiveness, you should join a bible believing church and be baptized in water. You must be "born again of water".
God knows where your heart is so you won't fool Him if you are not serious about seeking forgiveness. You cannot hide your heart from the one who gave it to you.
I will pray for you to make the right choice as well and will prayerfully see you in Heaven someday.
2006-10-05 04:25:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Hey...
U are amazing!!!!!!! did u know that? I will pray for u. I can give u some advice, if u start practicing fasting u will learn how to control ur stomach and people says that once u a control this u will find it easier to control other desires...so that´s is something u can do
Any way the thing is u are now back in the right track and u firmly believe u deserve a better life than the one u had. The awful thing is christians most of times likes to judge people and make them feel bad with their selves. I wish u strength to deal the coming days....stick to ur objectives...
And cant give u further advice coz I am a muslim...but I wish u do great in this life and be happy ...take care.
2006-10-05 04:15:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
I am not of the opinion that you can "change"
I do believe that like any other fleshly weakness, it can be controlled. An alcoholic never stops desiring to drink, they control it and stay away from places where they would be tempted to give in to their weakness.
It would be the same way for the homosexual. You desire the flesh of your same sex. This desire must be controlled, or it controls you.
Prayer and bible reading and studying are a powerful tool to help avoid this temptation and desire. You must also carefully stay away from places and people who would tempt you to give into this desire.
Not sure if you will ever feel desire for a woman, certainly do not make it a goal to desire something that your heart does not.
Jesus said we all must take up our cross and follow him. Your cross is homosexuality, many carry alcoholism and drug addiction as their crosses. Still many more carry the desire to commit adultry, lie, cheat, steal, control.
I think you get the picture, we all have weaknessess and temptations. Only with God can we gain control over the weakness instead of it having control over us.
If at some point God grants you desire for a woman, be thankful for his mercy and grace.
2006-10-05 04:22:44 · answer #8 · answered by cindy 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If youre Gay, Youre Gay! Dont try to change who you are.
Straight people cheat and lie too.
If your religion is making you feel guilty for who you are, CHANGE THE RELIGION! Stay true to yourself.
Would you rather live a lie and be unhappy the rest of your life?
What about the Woman you marry, youd be lieing to her too and thats no way to have a relationship.
Youre probably just heart broken and the world is ending, but youll recover.
2006-10-05 04:17:19 · answer #9 · answered by lick_a_witch 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Well... It's good that you want to change, but you may be trying to move too far, too fast. I'd suggest celibacy for the present. Then you'll have to decide what level your sex drive is set at, and look for someone with a compatible drive of her own. There is nothing harder than being unequally yoked with someone with needs radically different from your own. Especially if you are uncomfortable with 'normal' sexuality. Basically, I guess I'm saying to go slowly and let the Lord lead you. Please be patient. God has great things in store for you.
2006-10-05 04:22:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋