My bf and I went to a nightclub with some friends, and there he kept staring at the half naked girls dancing on the stage. He behaved like I didn't exist in there. I got really mad and we had a big fight. The next day he said he wanted to break up. I felt terrible and cried a lot, cause I couldn't stop blaming myself for criticizing him that day.
We work in the same place, so we see each other every day. We don't talk to each other anymore. (There have been 2 weeks now). Yesterday he sent me a text telling me that he can't stop thinking about me, that he feels terrible and that he wants us to get back together. I said I wasn't sure anymore, but he asked me to meet him and talk about this.
We met, but I'm not sure if I should get back to him.
He is so reserved. I find it hard to understand what goes on in his mind. He looks distant sometimes.
What should I do? Should I get back to him? I suffered a lot when we broke up, but...I don't know if it's good for me to get back to him
2006-10-05 02:53:31 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds like there is a trust issue before anything happens you need to resolve it. You should not have to be put in such a place and feel like you did that day. If he wants to get backw ith you he needs to understand what you will and will not allow to occure. If you take him back make sure that he will never put you in such a spot again.
You shouldn't have been in that spot to begin with, most people would tell you to move on, maybe you should because from experience if they can get by with treating you in such a way the pattern will continue on. Keep busy with your life, try not to think about the past it will come abcka nd haunt you. If he is truely sorry he will have to show you and not just say it.
2006-10-05 02:58:59 · answer #1 · answered by Juleette 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Guys don't' like it when they don't have your trust. First of all, all he is doing is looking. Second, He's with you. Unless he was lets say smacking her *** or something then you should step in. Guys are visual if something catches our attention, then we have to look at it for a bit. I doesn't mean anything. After that is over then we go back to doing what we where doing. So he's reserved. Why don't you ask them what is going on? If you want him back talk to him about what he wants.
Since you broke up and are in the process of getting back together it will take time to get things back to normal. When something goes wrong guys tend to do everything they can to get back to the way it was. These thing take time be patient. If it doesn't work out then to doesn't work out but at least you tried.
2006-10-05 10:22:00 · answer #2 · answered by vincent21k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My fiancee and I recently worked together in a bookstore. We've had a great relationship, and we are very much in love with each other. Yet what I noticed for the 3-4 weeks we worked together was that I was actually getting BORED with her. It was scary. I love this woman enough to marry her, and I was actually seeing her and going "oh, there she is" after only 3 weeks with her.
There is a very powerful "polarization" factor in relationships between men and women. What keeps things working is when a man gets to be a man, and a woman gets to be a woman. Simply by being with him for so many hours a day, you will find him growing distant simply because he needs his own space.
The crap of it is that he notices he feels this way, and it freaks him out too. It is scary when you find yourself bored with the one you love, and your mind starts thinking, "Should I be with her? Why is this happening?"
I read in a book by David Deida called "The Way of the Superior Man" that we guys just need a break from time to time. When you leave your woman, you remember all the reasons why you love her, and miss her, and then you come back. And when we men come back that's when we are ABLE to shower you beautiful goddesses with affection again.
So my fiancee and I have set up times when I just go. We no longer work together, and I have found myself more deeply in love with her then even before, and it grows each day.
So my answer to you is, if deep down in your heart you know he loves you, know this: he probably just became "saturated". When a guy is saturated by his woman, he finds it difficult to show you love, so our eyes naturally stray to other women. We think, "well... i would give her lots of lovin'. Why can't i give it to my woman right now?!" and we are often frustrated by this.
Now that you broke up with him, he is not lying that he can't stop thinking about you. Because now that you are gone, his polarization (male/female) has had time to reset, and he misses the woman he loves. He misses you.
Yet if you work together, you MUST find a way if you stay with him to stay out of each other's way at work. Give each other your own spaces there. There is nothing that kills that polarization (which I call the "Rawr" factor, when I totally want to make love to my fiancee) then when you are together ALL the time.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It's that simple. I hope this has helped you.
Many Blessings
2006-10-05 10:07:54 · answer #3 · answered by Jericho 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May I tell u something? You messed up the whole thing!!! Why did you go to the nightclub,first? I know it was not to pray!!When dancers are around, it is natural for an young man to stare at their bodies(that's precisely what the dancers also want).When fire and coir are together there will be smoke and it was natural!! You are so blindly possesive about him and did not bother to know him, appraise him well.
Only when you broke up, you realised the sorrow. Still you wanted him to be yours but your false prestige is preventing you from openly admitting that and patching up.
Go ahead, he should not be that bad to use you only as a sex toll and look a little deeper, you will find clear mellow love in his eyes!!!
2006-10-05 10:06:54 · answer #4 · answered by THE WORRIER 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men look at women. It's natural. They're half-naked and that draws any man's eyes. You have to learn to get past that, but he shouldn't do it all the time and treat you like you weren't there. That's totally wrong, so make sure you tell him that. He needs to do some proving to you that he's not an inconsiderate jerk before you even think of getting back into that one. Think how it felt when you broke up....you don't want to go through that again, right? Don't do that to youself. He sounds like a jerk to me.
2006-10-05 09:57:42 · answer #5 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honey, never go backwards, always go forwards. if he made you feel like crapola at the night club, then what is going to happen then next time yall were to go out. do you honestly think he will be all over you instead of looking at half naked women on the stage dancing. if yall cant come to an agreement on where to go out so both of you can enjoy the evening, then find someone who appreciates you for who you are. there are decent men out there, you just have to be brutal up front and tell them what you like, and what you dont.
2006-10-05 09:59:09 · answer #6 · answered by legalsecretary27 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its a hard one if you are going to get back with him you need to tell him that his behavior wasnt exceptable and he cant up and leave everytime you's have a fight and things dont go his way it sounds like hes had time to think and really misses you maybe give him another chance but only if thats what you want.Remember hes was the one that ended it and if you've moved on he must must respect that[he made his bed he must lie in it]take it slow and dont rush into anything it'll do no harm to wait awhile
2006-10-05 10:05:25 · answer #7 · answered by keevy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I been with my wife 15v years and there's no way on earth I would stop looking at half naked wemon dancing, but I would never ignore her at the expense of doing so. My wife hasn't stopped looking at handsome guys. You see, we are more than just husband and wife we're buddies. Now would you hang up with a buddy if he/she wouldn't let you look at guys or girls?
There is a limit however, if he completely ignores you than thats just wrong. But looking casually shouldn't be a problem.
2006-10-05 09:57:59 · answer #8 · answered by St.Anger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to tell him exactly how you feel about him, and tell him your reasons for considering this to be a permanent break up, and also your reasons for wanting to get back together. I think you need to explain to him that you aren't exactly understanding him or his behaviours and that if a relationship between the two of you is going to work that you need better communication.
2006-10-05 10:08:17 · answer #9 · answered by lazy lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How much of your nude state did he know? If he had known much about a girl's intimate structure, he probably would not have been that engrossed over the half-naked dancers. Since you missed him so much, give him another try. This time around, saturate him with love and "disclosures".
2006-10-05 10:06:16 · answer #10 · answered by peaceman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋