Do you think it's strange to breastfeed a baby at 1 yr? At 2? What is your cut-off?

Question

I've continued breastfeeding my 11 mth old and I receive constant comments (and very strange looks once they realise I'm still nursing her) from family members. Comments from strangers I dont care about, but my own family and family-in-law are different. I just dont understand their point of view, so if you can enlighten me on this please do! The last from my father: "So how long are you going to nurse her, till she's 10?" I always nurse privately so it isnt the seeing it that is bothering them, it is the very THOUGHT. I've been reading other ?'s asked on this same subject but I cant seem to find an answer that explains this hang-up. It can't all be guilt from bottle-feeders, can it? Or that we're sexualizing something that shouldnt be. Goodness, I saw someone comment that a 2 yr old being breastfed is child abuse! People saying to stop when the baby can eat solid food, has teeth, drink from a cup, etc. What, at 6 mths old??? I'd love to continue but I feel weighed down by my family.

Well, I actually DO live in Europe, and they have strange ideas over here too on breastfeeding. Only 20% of women continue breastfeeding after the first few weeks (due to HORRIBLE pediatricians telling you your child is starving to death if they dont gain 'enough').

As for stop breastfeeding when your child would normally give up the bottle, umm, you would stop giving your child milk at this age?

As for it being for MY benefit and not my daughters, believe me I have thought of quitting so many times I couldnt even count. The only reason I continue is because I know I'm keeping her healthy and giving her the best nutrition I can. She's very healthy even though she's around other children who are sick.

And she does drink water from a sippy cup just fine, no worries there.

The AAP recommends at least a yr, and WHO recommends at least 2 yrs for your child to get all the benefits of breastmilk. Of course, benefits continue after that. Why would someone be against this???

Answer 1

Ignore the family members comments. I am fortunate that I do not get comments from people in my family or even those who I do not know here in real life. I only hear it here on Y!A but I believe it is because I open myself up for it.
I come from a non-breastfeeding family - it's not because they are opposed to it but just that they find no use for it. My mother's generation all bowed to formula pressure and those in my generation find it inconvenient and stressful. None have judged me though one cousin called me brave (I still don't know what that was supposed to mean). My husband's family come from a breastfeeding culture and it was a family scandal when one sister chose to use formula.
Anyway - to the point of the question. I am breastfeeding my two year old and my original cut-off was 12 months, then 15, then 18, then ' hey, what's the point, let's just keep going with this'. I don't understand any of the arguments against extended breastfeeding and all the SHOULDS involved. His teeth won't rot, he won't be too dependant on me (oh yeah, he's in our bed, too), I'm not abusing or molesting him, I don't force him to breastfeed nor do I deny him all the solid food he needs along with water and cow's milk. At this point I believe all the benefits are to him and not to me since there are occasions that I now feel trapped by it (this is usually when I'm very tired after he's had a cranky and demanding day).
As far as your family goes, I would just avoid the subject. Don't bring it up and if they do, say only what you need to say. Don't avoid direct questions, answer them just as directly without elaborating or getting defensive. If they make comments, ignore them. YOU know that you are doing what YOU feel is best for your family and that is all that counts.
And my husband (and all 8 of his brothers and sisters) was breastfed until he was 3 and he holds a PhD in robotics. He is very dedicated to his mother though not dependant on her. They all just feel that she gave so much of herself to her children that they all appreciate it.

Answer 2

You have pretty much defined the parameters of the issue with all your sub-questions. People feel that they can judge you based on all those things. For some, the idea of breastfeeding past a certain age is either child abuse or somehow sexualized. For others it is just based on a weird Puritanical uncomfortable feeling associated with anything dealing with a woman's breast. I mean look at the fuss we made over Janet Jackson's boob and that isn't even the nicest one I've ever seen.

I think the main concern you should have, assuming you are prepared to take all the grief you are going to get from the public at large, is whether or not you are harming your kid, either physically or psychologically. A second issue is whether you are doing it, not for the child, but for you to maintain an emotional or psychological connection through that particular physical contact with your kid.

While I would suggest that you should knock it off at some point between the age of 1 and 2 at the latest, that is based on cultural socialization. For a more professional opinion, you might talk with your kid's doctor and ask some of these question. The doctor should be able to tell you (1) what is customary, and (2) at one point you are doing more harm than good.

Answer 3

The people who are so strongly opposed often feel the way they do because of personal hang-ups or ignorance about breastfeeding. Many people simply have never been exposed to the idea of nursing an older child and don't even realize that not only is it possible, it's normal and healthy. Don't let anyone try to pressure you to wean before you and your child are ready to do so. It's a relationship between the two of you and if it's working for you, you'll both continue to benefit from breastfeeding. I've nursed all three of mine well beyond one year.

Answer 4

I think that you should feed as long as you are both happy. I breast fed my daughter while pregnant with my son. I nursed him when he was born, and sister still had a little snack from time to time and stopped about 21/2. I had only intended of feeding him for 12 months and it continued until he was over 3. We stopped as other people were giving me a hard time, mostly other mothers were the first to make me feel like I was doing something wrong. I might say he is very healthy and rarely sick, and he's six years old now. Keep doing what you want to do and good luck

Answer 5

Good for you! I have a 3 mo. old,and I don't produce enough (I've tried every trick in the book, from fenugreek to oatmeal to pumping every hour on the hour). She was literally starving, and I had to give her bottles, so now she won't nurse at all. So, we compromise. I give her what I can produce by pumping (about 10-14 oz/day), and supplement w/formula. I'd like to keep the breastmilk up until at least a year, possibly until 2 years.
I get lectured on bottle-feeding my baby, b/c people assume it's formula (even if it is, whose business is it besides me, my baby, and my pediatrician?). You'll never be able to please everyone. Do what you think is best. If you just want to end the battles, and you only really care about the nutritional aspects, pump and feed her your milk that way, although it's a bit less convenient than nursing. Personally, I think if you both want to continue, just tell people about the WHO recommendations, and sweetly smile and say, "I'm sure that you agree that (insert baby's name)'s health is the most important thing, so I'm just following the doctors' orders, regardless of what popular opinion is."

Answer 6

Don't let family members get to you on this subject. Each child is different and I think when the baby is ready to stop, he or she will let you know. I have 5 sons and have breast fed them all, and they all stopped at different times. child#1 stopped at 6 months of age, child#2 STOPPED only after a week or two, child#3 stopped at 4 months old, child#4 stopped after a couple of days, and my last son stopped at 21 months of age. I think you should let your child decide or until the child is 2 years old, which ever one comes first. The longer you do it for the healthier it is for the baby. If the baby isn't done nursing by the time he or she is about 18 months old i'd start to ween it from your breast and instead of feeding him 5-10 times a day on the breast, feed him maybe 2-3 times a day and every couple of days go down to a lesser amount of time until you are no longer nursing. And don't give him a bottle either. when you are weening him i'd give him a tippy cup with either regular milk or juice, or you can even pump your milk and put it in the tippy cup for him. I'd have him or her start on a sippy cup around a year of age so as he is used to it.

Answer 7

I sure know what you're going through. Unless you've experienced the wonder and gift of nursing, you can't begin to understand how complicated it is to wean. There is absolutely nothing wrong, weird, sexual, strange about continuing to nurse your child at this age. Only you and your baby will know when it's time to end. I nursed my daughter until she was three, and I received all kinds of opinions from everyone, always unsolicited and negative. My own mother even remarked, "are you going to go to school with her so you can give her booby at recess?" One of the reasons this happens is because our society relates breasts with sexuality. People forget we have them for a purpose, too. As for weaning, people fail to understand that nursing is not just nutrition, it's cuddling, safety, nurturing, all wrapped up in one for your little one. Honey, you're a good mom. By the way, my daughter is a gorgeous, well spoken and well adjusted 14 year old now. I wouldn't have traded those years nursing her for the world. Hope this helps.

Answer 8

I'm currently breastfeeding my 10 month old baby, and I will only stop when I feel he is ready and I am ready. You really just have to grow a thick skin and not be bothered by everyone's comments or opinions, that is all they are. Some people get so heated up about it and will resort to name-calling and superiority complexes, but just go with your maternal instinct and try to ignore them all. My mother (we are all Americans) breastfeed me and my 3 sisters until we were 4 years old!! She did not go around preaching to everyone, and she did not whip out her boobs every chance she got. It was a personal choice that influenced me to do the same with my children. Just hang in there and have no regrets. You are wonderful for succeeding this long!

Answer 9

My cutoff was 3, but now that my daughter is 26 months and we're going strong, I'm thinking 4 may be my cutoff.

Don't let the family pressure get to you. If you want to nurse until your child is ready to wean, go for it. It's not their business, and they don't have to know about it. I found that after about 18 months, my DD had some understanding of the concept of waiting, and now we hardly ever nurse in public anymore (at least with the toddler!). I've found that if I'm consistant with where and when she can nurse, she rarely asks me unless we're in a place that I've decided is "appropriate" to nurse in. however many women still nurse their 2 and 3 year olds (and older) in public, so don't let my decision to nurse only in certain places sway you if you're not ready to be restrictive of where you nurse.

I don't know why people have such huge hangups about breasts. It's just silly. Breastfeeding into childhood will not emotionally scar a child. Children breastfed into childhood will more likely be better adjusted than their peers.

Answer 10

I don't think it's bad! On the contrary!! I think it's the best you can do for you little darling!

My mother breastfed me till I was 2yrs old and here I am...an honors student and one of the best orators at my school! (sorry if I brag!). The only downfall (on my behalf) is that I can't live without my dear mommy! I wouldn't suggest you breastfeed your baby past 2yrs though.
Hopefully you're giving her normal food too, right?! If so...then it's all right to continue breastfeeding till she's at the most 2yrs. Forget that nonsence about child abuse. Child abuse would be to deprive that darling child her milk at 6months!

Don't you bother about what ppl might say! After all...I'm living proof of all the benefits a child gets when breastfed till the RIGHT age(which is not 6months!)