I have been a reclusive widow for nearly 3 years now. I have recently decided I am totally lonely, and have been trying to pull myself out of this cave I've built. My son (27) runs a small neighborhood bar owned by my cousin. I've been going up there the last couple of months, tipping a few, singing a little karaoke, and making friends with my son's and cousin's friends.
I met this guy up there - a friend of my cousin's family - that could be my late husband's spiritual clone. We totally click every time we talk. To make matters worse, he has been trying to seduce me! I would normally say "Hitting on me", but this guy is REALLY SERIOUS, and I AM intelligent enough to know the difference...
It has been a total test of my will to keep this guy at bay, but my will is wearing thin. And I feel VERY conflicted over this. OMG, this guy is only 2 years older than my SON! But I'm DRAWN to him, and I don't know what to do.
OK, PLEASE tell me what you would do, I can't afford a shrink!
2006-10-05 02:00:59 · 25 answers · asked by DangerMom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
bt30705 ... I don't really think my son would have a problem with it. He really likes the guy, one of the first to even look at me he hasn't tried to intimidate in some way.
No, I am my own worst enemy here. If I start a relationship with someone, I don't want to keep it in the closet. But am I willing to have a relationship like that out in the open? I don't know!! And isn't this a hell of a way to come out of my self-imposed exile anyway? I don't want people looking at me and thinking "What is up with that??" And it makes me feel guilty for even thinking about those things. I've never really cared that much what people thought about me before.
2006-10-05 02:21:13 · update #1
quick_sand ... WOW! I had forgotten about Demi and the Kutch, and I love both of them too! I guess if they can handle the spotlight they have to live under, I shouldn't b*tch too much about the very small one I might would have to endure!
2006-10-05 02:26:42 · update #2
Scotty Gecko ... He ALREADY makes my head spin, I'm afraid if it goes any further I may have a stroke! ;>)
I DO appreciate the encouraging words, from EVERYONE!
2006-10-05 02:36:50 · update #3
Pat ... Yes, you have voiced my own concerns. I feel like I'm being cautious, but am I really just getting into something BECAUSE I've been lonely? I don't know, but I hope I am grown up enough by now to not let myself get taken for a ride, to protect myself from any serious PHYSICAL damage.
Damage to the heart is quite another thing. I know you're right, that he will start looking for someone younger, once the "novelty" wears off, right? It would almost be better if this thing WAS just a lusty fling, but this guy could be my best friend too. Maybe my best bet would be to hold on to the friendship and discourage anything further, but I just don't know that I want to do that right now.
OMG, now I'm back to my first question again!
Thanks Pat, for speaking the cold hard truth..
2006-10-05 02:54:20 · update #4
I say have fun and enjoy each others companionship and maybe more. You say you are "drawn to him" and I'm assuming that's attracted physically also to him.
Be careful. Protect your heart. Younger guys usually eventually start looking for younger girls when serious age starts to show on a woman. Darn it. Sad but true. Maybe also date at least one other guy nearer your age so you don't get too emotionally involved with this one. You are way too vulnerable now as a widow coming out of seclusion for 3 yrs.
Best of luck to you. And again, please be careful. You probably wanted to hear something more positive and hopeful, but caution would be in order -- at least for awhile perhaps.
2006-10-05 02:17:36 · answer #1 · answered by Patricia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, Demi Moore is now married to I think a 27 yr old.....?.....It seems a double standard sort of....A man can be older and have a younger wife/girlfriend, but if a woman does it...oooooooh, that is a no no....Hugh Hefner is 80, and lives with 3 women younger than 30, so I guess if you are comfortable with it, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks....right?
2006-10-05 02:06:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
age isn't this issue here..what you want is..i think at 30 years old the guy knows what he wants..just understand that after the lust and sex is over that you still have to communicate with him and the maturity level is different..i'm 41 and my girlfriend is 24..she is my oldest daughters age..we have no children,and have been together 3 years ..it's wonderful,the door is open for her to do as she pleases..when your older the jealousy issues are mute and i trust her..she is her own person and has to be left to grow without hindrance..this is what you will have to do also..she has her own friends and does her own thing when she wants..i suggest you do the same for him..we're happy,life is great! don't worry about anyone else,this is between you two..keep it that way! although i would let your son know as i did my daughter..you have to consider their feelings also,and a little consideration goes a long way here..she was happy for me and i'm sure your son will be too..good luck!
2006-10-05 02:13:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all 47 is not "grandma" age, even if you are one.
Second, age shouldn't be an impediment, it should be exiting! He could probably make your head spin.
Even if it doesn't turn into a relationship, you are still a living, breathing, flesh-and-blood woman. You have needs, and he may be able to fulfill them. And, he might not. But the important thing is to get out there and start living again.
2006-10-05 02:07:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your problem with the age difference, due to your son. You and your new friend should talk about the problem your facing. Tell him that you want him as bad as he wants you but if you go through with the sexual activities, then what? Is he willing to be a part of your life and dealing with the age difference, or is he just wanting to be your sex slave? Either way, I think your in a win, win situation. You will have a new partner that you can have all the sex with you want, or you have a sex slave that you can have all the sex with you want, with out the problem of explaining the age difference to people. Just relax and go with it. Good luck.
2006-10-05 02:09:11 · answer #5 · answered by loser 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I once lived with a man for 18 years who was 21 years older than me. What's the difference? This man will make you feel young and lovely. It may be only for a little while, it may be the rest of your life. Be a devil ,just do it. Enjoy !
2006-10-05 02:11:58 · answer #6 · answered by Cheryl K 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The age difference of 17 years is almost two generations apart. A relationship has be more than just bodily needs. Only you can decide on whether this is appropriate, or not. We don't know all the particulars.
2006-10-05 02:05:46 · answer #7 · answered by WC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy's almost the same age as your son.
There is an old saying that you should take heed to.
THERE AIN'T NO FOOL LIKE AN OLD FOOL. end quote.
A lot of young guys prey on older women and take them for a lot of money. Don't let this happen to you.
If it's a sexual thing, go for it. Just remember if he starts needing money, the romance is over.
2006-10-05 02:05:31 · answer #8 · answered by Cal 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
r Live a little, what do you have to lose? You aren't living you life for your children or grandchildren, but I do recognize that they deserve respect. You haven't said or did anything that sounds disrespectful. Age is just a number, you are as young or as old as you feel. You can be intimate with someone without having intercourse! Go fir it!
2006-10-05 02:08:56 · answer #9 · answered by Special K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You dont need a shrink, age dosnt matter if youre both over 18, if you click then you click, relax and start having fun injoy life
2006-10-05 02:05:42 · answer #10 · answered by a1_friend64 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋