Any five reasons/facts to be considered in agirl before marrying her?

Question

I just hope there should be some facts to take into consideration before taking a woman for marriage and there should also be some facts if seen in a woman then she should not qualify for marriage. I met this lady early this year and we are already planning to marry this December 06 I Just wanted to make sure in case. We argued so much for the first time on simple things...I kind of did not like that..Any help please?

Answer 1

Sorry this is long, but relevant and true.

FINDING A LIFE TIME PARTNER
I think this is absolutely amazing!
For those that are looking out, take note!
For those that are married, just a reminder why u married whom u married!

FINDING A LIFE PARTNER
5 Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.
A relationships coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term marital success. When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Ms.Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:
Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life bottom line-and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:
Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3:
Is he/she a munch
A munch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing." So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?
Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:
People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:
How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boy, taxi driver, etc. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot you--who can't do nearly as much for them! Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:
Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married? Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage ...for the worse!"
If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye." Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults isn’t really that important.

Answer 2

I must say one thing to help you with this dilemma. I was once told that if you can name the reasons why you love a person, then it's not real love. Love is unexplainable, it is a feeling that can't be explained. If you can tell yourself why you love this woman, why you want to marry her, then I'd think it over. If you can't say to yourself, I love her because.....then it's meant to be. No relationship is perfect, there will always be arguments. Even if you think it's over simple things, to her it may be big. But an argument every now and again is healthy. If there is no arguing, then there are some real problems. I am not saying you have to fight every day or even once a week. Just that at times you might not always agree on things, and that's okay. It just means that you are expressing your own opinions rather than always taking the backseat. I like that in a person, when they can say how they feel rather than being a "yes" man or " you choose" person. So maybe taking it slow on the marriage plans is what you should do.

Answer 3

Good signs in a potential wife: (although there are no guarantees):

1) She has had a good role model. Her mom and dad have a good relationship (she's a nice kind person)
2) She's a caring nurturing individual. She cares for your welfare not just what she's getting out of you.
3) She's nice to people and has good, decent friends who love her.
4) She doesn't smoke or is a heavy drinker
5) She doesn't have a criminal record (easy to check and people forget that this is a strong possibility and very telling of her personality. ie shoplifting, assault, public drunkenness, etc)
6) She's a responsible person and takes her commitments, like her job, seriously
I7) she's never had an affair with married men, even if she herself wasn't in a committed relationship

That's all I can think of.

Also if those initial arguments were just from a lack of agreement on subjects then no problem, but if during those arguments she ever became verbally abusive, hurtful or disrespectful, then those are some MAJOR red flags.

Hope these help and good luck. Sounds like you're very conscientious about your decisions. Good for you.

Answer 4

Do you have the same life plan? Ask him how he pictures his life in 10 years. If he says, "living in a condo in New York City, bussing tables until he gets a gig." And you're thinking of a country cottage, 6 kids and a safe and secure career to retire from, it's not gonna work. Do you want kids? Some people think it doesn't matter but believe me, when that clock starts ticking, the issue will come up and it's better to know how he feels about having a family. Do you enjoy each other's company? Meaning, talking for a long time with each other, going out to different places, social events,etc. Alot of people don't really understand that when you marry somebody they become your best friend. The situations listed under this question exclude sex. Along with other things, sex is something that will thin out with time. I would also adivse you to look at his "home life" habits. Are his friends a huge priority? Is he "up in the air" about what's going on after he gets out of work? Or does he usually go home to check things out and change? Does he work? Alot of women think that his little lazy ways will change once they get married or once a baby comes but a man who doesn't hold onto a steady job will probably continue to do the same later on. And will probably be less interested in progessing (buying a bigger home, getting a promotion, going to school,etc). Always assume he will stay the way he is. If you admire those qualities then you love him for who he is. If you expect him to change it's gonna be a bumpy road!

Answer 5

Sweetheart you all ways have territorial arguments at first.
1. Is she true and faith full.
2. Does she have the same values as you.
3. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with her.
4. Do you have common goals.
5. Would you walk on hot coals for her.
After that marriage is only hard work. Dec 6th is a great day for a wedding. Good luck

Answer 6

If your gut is telling you this isn't a good thing, then don't get married. Maybe you aren't ready, maybe it's not the time, maybe she isn't the one. But it sounds like you already have issues. Most married couples argue and disagree. Maybe she's as nervous about all of this as you are. You two need to sit down and really talk. You need to tell her that you are unsure because of the arguing. Share your feelings with her. This is a lifelong commitment you're making. Good Luck!

Answer 7

it seems like you havent been with this lady for long,,, why you rushing into marriage?? i mean look at it this way, why dont you spend sometime together then get married when you ready and you know what you getting yourself into... i dont think you getting married to get a divorce but to spend the rest of your life with this lady. RIGHT?

Answer 8

Have you been under a lot of stress??? That could have been the cause of the disagreement. Do you care for this person??? How do you think you would feel if she were not in your life anymore??? Weigh the pros/cons. Good Luck.

Answer 9

i agree with rosie. it is hardest to explain what is truly at the hearts core. if you know, then there is nothing left to explore...thus the challenge has either eluded you nor had the profundity to have your persistence.
ask yourself what it is that you truly want for YOURSELF in your life.
will she be there through it all?

P.S.

Love should be sacred...no matter how many times it happens.
if you cannot be honest with this person... then i really do wish you good luck.

Answer 10

if you see her the one you wouldnt mind what she does and still happt for her than you marry her. if she makes you feel happy and love and she is no other women you want in your life, than marry her.