Is it ok to let my boyfriend have female friends? And how close it too close?

Question

I dont have a problem with him having them, its the text messaging, phone talking type that i dont want him to have... and of course i'd never let them go out alone because who knows what the hell would happen.. but really, what is ok to allow?

Before, I let him do what he pleased but it became a problem when he started demanding i end my friendships with males becase he was convinced that friendships lead to cheating.. so my question was, then what makes you any different? As one of you mentioned, leaving out of the room to talk on the phone is out of hand, and only text messaging while im sleep or in another room.. well it seems like he wants me to suspect something!

and i did end my friendships with those males to make him feel insecure which i now feel was a dumb move

Answer 1

Ok...Let me present two scenarios...
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and counting. Our rule is that we don't have the opposite sex as friends.This is because we are fully aware that there is no point in saying, that you want to stop eating cookies and then go sit next to the cookie jar. Don't get me wrong, we trust each other...but why complicate things, when we have family members who are of the opposite sex that can always help us with advice etc., and especially since there are so many other problems and situations that a couple need to deal with, without adding one more.
The other, is my sister and brother-in-law...the have been together for over 10 years, married for over 3 years. They have friends of the opposite sex outside family and they even check out guys and girls together whenever they go somewhere, look at magazines etc. They are definitely very confident and secure in their relationship, and are still going strong!
It is not even what you need to or can allow, more than what you both need to talk about.
Look at what you can handle, and be VERY honest to yourself about it.
Then present it to him...if he doesn't agree to it then i don't think its going to last in the long run, since this is a major issue.
In the end, you want someone who wants, in this situation, the same things as you, if not, it will lead to serious fights, and insecurities later...

Answer 2

My relationship with my boyfriend is new he talks to other women but doesn't include me as telling them he's in a relationship I'm still figuring out IF I even want to be in a relationship again since I've been lied to and cheated on by men and I WAS the faithful one so my faith in men is more than shaken but I'm still trying. If the security is there and you're in on in he doesn't hide anything fine but my confidence isn't that great where men with female friends is situated. If the woman in the guys life can handle it go for it I however can't be the "other" woman while he talks to other women regardless of the way it's put. Sorry I know "men" feel that women IF they love them should have to deal with it I think that's bullshit I wouldn't do that to any man I am with ever it's double standard that is very far from fair.

Answer 3

My boyfriend has female friends that call and talk to him on the phone. I have male friends I talk to sometimes. When they call he talks to them right in front of me. They usually say hi to me too. If your boyfriend has female friends that call and he leaves the room to talk to them, or they don't acknowledge you THEN that's a problem. I try not to be so jealous because I don't want him to think I don't trust him. But he should tell every friend male and female about me, so there is no confusion that he has a girlfriend.

PS. He can go to the movies alone with a girl I trust him, but he can't go out of town with her, no over night trips there is a limit.

Answer 4

Do you have any reason not to trust him?? If you do- dump him and get it over with- and how do you want him to have female friends?- going out alone would be a bad idea- so there is the ph and text- so sounds like it is not ok- what is left- would he like you having male friends?? He might want to think about that-how it feels- take care- D

Answer 5

My guy has 2 women as friends. One is an ex who is in a long term relationship but at the moment lives alone waiting to move in with her bloke and the other women is single and lives with a make friend who has locked in syndrome . My boyfriend rings her loads and meets her. I found out and he says it s nothing and that he confides in her about any issues we are going through. He knows I don t like it and has to,d her so. He deletes all his calls to and from her.
Do you think this is wrong?

Answer 6

There is a fine line, between guys and girls being their friends and something more happening. Just by your comment on "You would never let them go out alone" Lets me know that you already know what you want the answer to be. When I met my husband 12 years ago, he had a few girls as his friends, but after we got closer, all that changed. He doesn't have them anymore. Maybe just a wave at the store, or occasional talk here or there, but nothing more! Most girls go around saying, its ok for their boyfriends or husband to have female friends but I am old fashion and think if he wants to be with me, then he doesn't need them that much, I'm more a friend to him than he will ever need. Like I said before, just the occasional wave or hello, but no texting, or talking on the phone. You know girls, and that kind of behavior can only lead to disaster. I have enough respect for him, not to be calling guy friends so he has enough for me not to do be calling gal friends. One more thought, does he want you to text and call guys, I wouldn't think so. Just my opinion! Take care, good luck and have a nice day!

Answer 7

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this issue. It's a tough one. I have a similar problem, but worse. My boyfriend dated his best friends sister, and she isn't over him yet but of course he isn't going to stop hanging out with his best friend. But that also means that she is going to be there. It drives me crazy because she as hit on him, and tried to break us up on more than one occassion. Now we ar ein a serious relationship and I talked to him about it. I told him that it made me uncomfortable, and his in doing everything he can to make sure that she is not around when I am not there.
All that you need to do is sit down with your boyfriend and tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. Do not demand that he stop talking to them, instead, let him decide what he will do about it. I personally would ask that they don't hang out when i'm not around, unless it's in a large group, and that text messaging and phone time does not get in the way of his time with you.

Good Luck! :)

Answer 8

It really depends on the woman. You don't sound like the woman that would be cool with that. Ask your self do you trust him? If you don't then you have bigger problems than him talking to his female friends that were there before you.If you do trust him then you don't have to worry about him. Think about this, if he was messing around do you think he would let you find out so easy?

Answer 9

I have a lot of female friends and my girlfriend doesn't feel insecure because I have told her about all of them and given her the opportunity of becoming friends with all of them..

Answer 10

Let him do what he wants, i have alot of guy friends i go and hang out with and stuff, doesn't mean id do anything with them. And of course ive dated guys who have alot of friends that are girls. There is a chance something would happen, but really... you just hafta let go and let them have a life... if you cant trust him you shouldnt be with him, period.