First of all, you should know he's very confused. He thinks he's too young to possibly know what he wants. It's not that he "doesn't want to be with me", but more that he "doesn't know if he wants to be with anybody at this age". He's too afraid that 4 years down the road he WON'T want to date me anymore, but that by then,he'll be to attached. I love him so much, that love doesn't begin to explain my feelings for him. We have alot in common, but it seems like i'm always having to defend why I feel, the way I feel.
How do I know if it's me or him who has to change? Better yet, how do I deal with him breaking up with me, if he literally means the world to me? That's more pain than anyone can humanly handle!
2006-10-04 17:40:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Okay, I really don't know how old you both are, so this may be not be the most accurate response to this. The answer to your question, on what you should do for him to NOT break with you: There really isn't much you can do or say if he's made up his mind. I mean, if you try to convince him otherwise, and he does stay, you'll always wonder if he stayed with you because he wanted to, or because you pressured him to. The best thing would be, to give him the space that he's asking for, and see where it goes from there. The second question of whether or not you should change: No, I don't think you did anything to contribute to his feeling and thinking this way. You should not have to accomodate to his demands. You are one half of that relationship. He should own his responsibilites and choices. He needs to let you know that it is not you, but him that's having issues. Besides, from your message, it seems that he does not want a relationship because he has a fear of commitment.. Most men have that problem, no matter what age. As far as you knowing what to do if he breaks up with you, I think that you should realize that you should not want to be with someone who cannot be with you on the same level. You love someone that much, that you DESERVE to have someone love you equally and without any reservations. Yes, it is painful but it's life.
I can tell you that my fiancee now did the very same thing to me in the beginning. He told me he liked me but was not looking for anyone at that time. He was afraid of "attachments". So I decided to be his friend. No matter how painful and heartbreaking, I did it. And after a while, it simply fell into place. Maybe in your case, just step back. He may realize what he lost when you're no longer in the picture as his girlfriend. Good luck and my heart goes out to you.
2006-10-04 17:51:20 · answer #1 · answered by KIm Z 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok, here's what to do: first off, ignore the first comment. That's so tasteless.
Now listen to what I have to say. Let him get out there and see what else the world has to offer him. It's time for you to switch into friend mode. To me, you sound way too needy. Granted, I know you love him, but try to look at it from his point of view. Just be his best mate. Call him to go hang out with a few friends or go get a couple of beers. Be cool about it and don't be overpowering. If he mentions another girl, just support him and don't freak out. Best friends usually make the best lovers, remember that.
Look, I know what I'm saying is SO easier said than done. But I'm telling you, it pays off. Just keep plugging along and see where it goes. Hope this helps and best of luck to ya, babe!
~D.
2006-10-04 17:50:56 · answer #2 · answered by conservative_rocker1 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have learned that u cant make anyone stay. People are like trees you have your roots: they are always there, you have your branches: they are those who have grown on u and arent going anywhere, and lastly u have your leaves: that grow on u but eventually leave. Trees cant make the leaves stay and u cant make him stay. However there is an upside, when the seasons change u loose some leaves, and when the seasons change again new leaves grow. Think of it as an opportunity to meet some new leaves. Also you never truly lose whats rightfully yours.
2006-10-04 17:49:41 · answer #3 · answered by cubby12 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only way to tell who needs to change is to look inside yourself first. Listen to what other people say about you and pay CLOSE attention to how you treat them. If what you find isn't good then you need to change. If it turns out the troubles lie with him then you can try to get him to see them, but it won't be easy. He has to be ready.
2006-10-04 17:46:03 · answer #4 · answered by Cricket 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he does not want to be with you, then he doesn't want to be with you. You are yourself and should not change who you are for him. If he is having a problem with you for some reason then maybe it is best for you 2 not to be together. You will find the right person some day.
2006-10-04 17:48:08 · answer #5 · answered by twonew21 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just give him alil space and time too really think about this...sometimes ppl are confused and scared about things and they donno how too handle it...but if he really doesnt wanna be in the relationship then you cant force him too stay...The hardest thing to go through is a break-up but remember what doesnt kill u will make u stronger.
2006-10-04 17:48:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
get rid of him find you a nice quiet man that knows how to treat a woman[older man]
2006-10-04 17:47:50 · answer #7 · answered by slphillips_67 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you love him,let love take its course.i know you want a more concrete answer but remember, your dealing with love.
2006-10-04 17:45:58 · answer #8 · answered by greg 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give him lots of head.
That might work.
2006-10-04 17:42:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you cant if this is what he wants
2006-10-04 17:43:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋