is my son psycologically disturbed?

Question

He is now in grade 3 So far there about 10 complaints against him for hitting or hurting his classmate since the school opening.
Before, he and his siblings are not being allowed to go out of the house to play, because when they are having asthma , they experience extreme difficulty in breathing.
We are are a very loving parents and are very linient to all our children. They are four in the family,and this son that I am talking about has a twin brother but don't have the same behavior.
We are both working parents.
We fear that he might be petitioned by other parents to be kicked out of school.
We love our child and we dont want this to happen. He is very loving child to us. Very talented. Very vey active and extremely curious. Actually he is the most coward of all the siblings; easily freigthened and is so afraid of the dark.
Please give me information and advice.

Answer 1

Well...you've obviously got a lot on your plate with four children, but there are a few obvious answers to your question.

1: Have you tried REALLY talking to your son. I don't mean asking him "why do you do this" or "what happened in school." I mean really talking. With twins, sometimes children feel like there's competition for attention, and with your large family, your son might just be wanting some attention. By talking to him, or maybe even playing with him he might either tell you what's wrong or his problem might decrease.

2: Talk to his teacher. It may seem weird and "agressive parent" like, I know, but his teacher might know something you don't. Consider coming to school if you have the time.

3: It's funny how you mention the dark because your child suddenly reminds me of myself. In third grade I was a trouble maker and, oddly, i developed an extreme phobia of the dark of sleeping all together. Does this have to do with school?

Many would say a physcologist or physiciatrist is the answer, but from past experience, I'd say this only makes this worse. It makes your child seem like you can't deal with the problem or that he has a larger problem.

Time usually takes care of things, but for this case, all you need is good advice. Hope I helped some.

Answer 2

Do it in a firm and loving way. Assuming your son is only having a "social" problem, this is what you should do.

1. Assure him you are not going to punish him for telling you the reason why he acted that way. You can start by telling him a story, of a time you knew of someone hitting another out of anger. And the consequences.

2. Tell him it hurts you that he's hurting others, even if he's doing it out of self-defence.

3. Tell him he should tell on a bully (to his teacher) and never hit back. If you want, offer him a whistle so he can blow when he's approached by a "bully".

4. Teach him how to call home and use "keywords" so he can hint on dangers without telling you outright or in lengthy explainations.

5. Hug him and give him lots of kisses, and ask if he can promise to do what you just told him. Most kids will say YES, MUMMY!

6. Tell him you would be veryunhappy if he hurts another kid and offer simple-to-understand consequences (eg. reduce his TV or playground time if he breaks the rule by hitting another kid).

You would need to be consistent in your way of handling your child's behaviour, failing which, you should send him to a child psychiatrist or doctor for a second opinion. Good luck!

Answer 3

Speaking as a mother with a child that has the same issues I told my son to get tested for ADHD and come to find out he also has bi-polar depression. I am NOT saying that your child has this I am just saying. Most kids that act out in school are doing so because there is a problem at school. The kids may be making fun of him and may have threatened him and he may be to scared to tell the truth. My son when he was in the first grade the kids threatened to kill him and me if he told on them and they were doing horrible things to him. I found out about it and threatened to sue the school if they didnt get it under control. If your child isnt acting up at home the same way he is at school then there is something going on at school that needs your immediate attention. Dont accept that your son is soley responsible for the things going on at school because sometimes that isnt the case. You need to seriously talk with your son and find out what is going on. Take him to counseling if you feel it is the right thing to do. There is nothing wrong with him going and talking to some one else. Sometimes that helps the child feel more comfortable. I hope this helps. Good Luck

Answer 4

Sometimes children hit others as a way to attain physical contact with the other kids.
More +physical contact at home ( lots of hugs, etc.) could possibly help him.

However, if he is hitting other kids hard, and hurting them, he might have some frustration inside of him. Finding him a vent, ( a sport, or an instrument) could help, or maybe a visit to a therapist to find the source of his frustration.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

Sounds like he is looking for attention and boundaries and limitations. There are many books available and loads of information on the internet on parenting. Being lenient is not being a responsible parent. Your job is to create a confident, productive and responsible person out of all your children. Accountability, limitations and consequenes are part of live...the sooner they learn the easier life willl be for them (and you)!

Answer 6

He may be getting picked on at school. This will be worse if he is sensitive. Talk to the teacher and ask them to observe his behavior closely and try to find out what is really going on. Have him talk to a counselor. It will help whether he has a psychological problem or not.

Answer 7

Maybe he has ADD....Attention Deficit Disorder....You should probably take him to a child psychologist and let a professional determine if he has a problem or not. That's what I would do. It's important to get his problem straightened out now while he's still young...otherwise, when he's older there's no telling what he will do.

Answer 8

You had said you are very lenient with your children. All children are different, and some need more discipline than others. Teach him very seriously that hurting other people is very hard for them, he would not want to be hurt by another would he?

Answer 9

no one is in your shoes to judge. you are the best judge -- better than the professionals, i venture to say. but since you uttered the word "disturbed" and that is a pretty strong word for the case --i strongly suggest you bring him to professionals for assessment and your ease of mind. take your wife along if you need moral support. i have a feeling your son is very normal -in fact outstanding in behaving the way he wants to be --no one in this world is born to be "the same". i rest my case. and you still have some time for that.

Answer 10

Counseling. They can answer you questions for you. But, please, get the kid some help. You want him to be a happy little boy, you want him to have friends, and he won't have many acting this way.