Is he too old to have a baby?

Question

am 21yrs old and have been with my 39yr old partner for nearly 4 years. Lately we've been discussing marriage & eventually having a family. I am happy to get married, but wasn't planning for kids for maybe another 3 or 4 years. I am worried, however, about my kids having an older father as I know what its like for the child (both my parents were in their mid-to-late 40's when they had me), plus I am worried about higher risks of autism, schizophrenia, miscarriages etc for the baby from having a father over 40 and also whether he will be be able to keep up with the physical demands of having young kids. How old is too old for man to have a baby?

(WebMD) Children born to older dads may be much more likely to have autism than those with younger fathers.

A new study shows that children of 40-year-old to 49-year-old dads are nearly six times more likely to have autism than children of men under 30, regardless of the mother's age.

The researchers say the study provides the first convincing evidence advanced paternal age is a risk factor for autism.

Answer 1

Go to a sperm bank and bank'em for when YOU2 are ready, if you are that worried about it. It shouldn't be something that would stop you from having children, but this option may ease your weary mind.

Answer 2

As a mother with an autistic child...out of the nearly 20 children in my son's program, only one has a father over the age of 30 when the child was born. Autism has yet to be proven to be an inherited trait, although there seems to be some weight to the notion is can be found in multiple generations of one family. The higher risks for issues such as down's, miscarriages and other birth defects stem more from the age of the mother than that of the father.

You other concerns on how having a father of increased age for your children is a valid concern. Both my parents were in their mid-forties when I was born in 1968 (way unusual back then) and I did loose both of them before the age of 21. However, no one can make this decision for you excpet you and your partner. Sit down and have a long talk about how he feels he will do as a parent. How is his general health? How many kids do you want to have? What sort of precautions will be in place to be sure you and the children are cared for if something does happen?

Finally, I have to pipe in my mom voice. You are 21 and have been with him for 4 years. He is 17 years older than you. WHile I know love comes in many forms and believe age is never a deciding factor in who we choose to love, I would encourage any girl of 21 who had been in a serious relationship since she was 17 to take time and be sure of who you are and what you want from life before committing to a marriage and family. Go to school, start a career, travel with friends if you can. Taste the world so when you finally do say "I do" you will know it is what you want and are ready to embrace.

Answer 3

Well honey for one thing it is between the 2 people if they want that child. What I think is that the child from making love and out of love. You are worried about what is going to happen. How can you worry about something that may never happen. Everything is left up to GOD. Just take the time that you have an make a wonderful life with each other if both so desire. You cannot worry about the past for it is gone and already hap pend and you cannot do anything. You cannot worry about the future because it is not here yet and nothing has happened. When tomorrow comes it is always today. People sometimes just worry over nothing. Just sit back relax and let mother nature take its course and be happy.

Answer 4

You know, I think your guy is way too old for you, generally. That big age difference will be more pronounced as you get older - when you are 40 and still bouncing around in your prime, he will be 58, and ready to retire. Rethink that, would you? I am being honest here. I married a man 10 years older, and that is definitely the maximum age difference that is even vaguely comfortable. He was a dad at 40.

Answer 5

I don't think you should worry about him being too old just yet. If you both really love each other, and you have already been together for nearly four years, then, first sort out your wedding plans (if that is what both of you want) and then you will eventually work out when and if to have kids. If you don't want to get pregnant straight away, I don't think 3 or 4 years will make much difference.

Answer 6

Physically, men are never too old to produce offspring. Women get too old (thank God!), but men don't. Even if they can't get an erection, they are always producing sperm.

As far as him being able to "keep up," that's a good question. But that's really something you need to discuss with him, not us. If you both are fine with it, go for it. Just keep in mind that as a rule of thumb, women live quite a bit longer than men (just visit any nursing home and you'll see this is true), so be prepared to go to high school graduation and weddings by yourself.

Answer 7

nah, I had a student (18) whose father was (78). Not too old. It's the mother's age that seems to carry the risks.

I would imagine the autism that relates to the father's age is really a matter of older women marrying older men.

Answer 8

No that is not too old. Autism could happen to any child. At least he is willing to be there and care for a child and a child need that as much as the physical demands.

Answer 9

You seem to be well informed, and have already covered the concerns I would have mentioned. My father as 45 when I was born, and he died before I finished high school. All I remember is his being an old man that was too tired and old to spend time with me or even have a conversation with me.

Answer 10

My advice:

Look at his family history. Is HIS father still around. If your potential father-in-law is still around, how is he? Old and decrepit at 70, or spry and still ok at 80?

Did his father or mother suffer any serious illnesses in their 50s and 60s? Adult onset diabetes, heart disease, stroke, etc?

How is HIS health right now? Is he sedentary or does he keep himself in shape? Working out? Eating healthy?

All of these factor in. My own father was 39 when his youngest child was born, but he's still ok at 70, and we expect him to live into his late 80s based on FAMILY HISTORY.

The other issue you'll have to face - will you be able to afford college for your children, or is daddy gonna be on Social Security when they're getting ready to go to Harvard?

Answer 11

He is able to make children for as long as he can get it up, but I understand your concern. If you and he feel like he will still be able to be a good fatherwhen you have children, go for it! Is he is good health? Does he take good care of himself? If the answers are all yes, then I sya go for it! One of my exes was born to a 21 year old mom and a 60 year old man!!! His dad is still kickin' at 85 and loves his grandbabies. (the ex and I stayed friends and we keep in touch)