Parenting advice please read...?

Question

I have a 3 year old daughter. She has been in daycare/learning center since she was 4 months old. She has always loved going and we have never had a problem. My 1 year old goes to the same daycare. For the past 2 nights, she has started crying uncontrollably and telling me that she does not want to go to "school", that nobody likes her there and that everyone is mean to her. I have asked her if her teachers are mean to her and she says no, just the other kids in her class. She says that nobody will play with her. My husband dropped her off today, so I have not had a chance to speak with her teachers... do you think that I should or should I just let it go and see if it works itself out? I do not want to sound like an overly anxious parent to the staff but I would like to see if they can make sure that she is being included. It hurt so badly to hear my daughter this upset. I have taken the day after tomorrow off of work so that we can spend some time together...

I was not expecting this at age 3- is this normal for this age group?

ramis- some people work for a living so that they can provide for their children... you must not know about that...

Answer 1

I wouldn't be so quick to solve her problem. It's tough not to come to the rescue, but it's also an awesome feeling to know that your child is able to handle thier own problems, and it's even better when a child knows that he/she can handle everyday situations. I would stay updated on it, and if she isn't in any danger, give it a week. If after the week it's still a problem, then I would speak to the teacher and/or request a meeting between yourself and the other child(ren)s parents.

Answer 2

Yes, of course, you should speak with her teachers. This doesn't make you overly anxious. You're just concerned about your child's welfare - and as a parent you have every right to be. Her teachers might even be able to give you more insight into what may be bothering her, so that you will be better able to help her adjust. Their business, after all, is taking care of children, so it's very possible they will have some useful suggestions for you. I doubt that this is the first time they've had to deal with this type of problem. Some children (like your 3 year old) are more sociable, and therefore adapt better to situations and people outside their homes. Other aren't, and there's nothing wrong with that. Everyone's different, don't forget - and that includes children! By the way, you didn't mention how long your younger child has been going to daycare. If she's been going (happily) for a while, and this has just begun happening, I'd ask if there have been any recent changes or additions in staff, or childcare procedures. Also, find out if there are new children in the class. All it takes is one kid who's a "handful" to make a lot of the other kids uncomfortable - and take up a lot of the teacher's time, (making it difficult for him or her to pay enough attention to the rest of the kids in the class). Wouldn't hurt to find out, would it? If, after talking to her teachers, nothing changes - why not check out other daycare centers in your area - or, if at all possible, take some time off from work until she's a little older. Maybe she just needs more time at home with mom. Many children do.
Anyway, hope this helped, and that everything works out for you - and your little ones.

Answer 3

Unfortunately kids are mean, and at that age it could of been one child and she's made it into the whole class.. my suggestion is bribe the kids lol i know it sounds horrible.. but bring in something for all the kids, cupcakes or whatever, and spend a hour or so at the school helping out or something, try to interact with ur daughter and the other children, and be the ice breaker for her..with u there she'll feel more confident in herself, the cupcakes will be a "peace offering" so to speak.. and at 3 their attention span is almost non-exsistant and im shocked that they even remember having a grudge towards her the following day.. my daughter is 7 and in the first grade and every other day she has kids that one day they are her friend the next their not, the next they are so on an so on so i have a problem believing that 3 year olds have the ability to not like another child and stick to it.. i think someone wasnt nice to her and she's blown it out of proportion.. go spend some time at the daycare with her..watch how she interacts with the other kids and how they interact with her.. help her with her social skills if need be, and well for lack of better words make her look like she's the greatest thing going to the other kids lol..

Good luck.. i think u just have a very sensitive daughter that just thinks things are worse then what they are..

Answer 4

Don't panic. You haven't heard the whole story. Being a younger sibling myself, I had this problem growing up, just like many other kids. There are two things that can be the source of the problem:

1. There is a "queen" of the daycare. There can always be that one kid who can either bully your young one, or make everyone else hate her under an evil spell. Come to daycare for a day and check it out. If your daughter is uncomforatble with you being there, then come without her knowing and lay low. If this doesn't work due to more crying, or time issues, then let your daughter stay home and day to talk it out with her.

2. There's a deeper problem. Something happened at day care that she's not telling you. This time, being an anxious parent is perfectly normal. Talk to teachers.It's your only hope.


I hope these helped. Just remember that being a kid is tough. I remember days in day care that I was made fun of and I never wanted to see people again. Hopefully, time will take care of this.

Answer 5

If your daughter has been happy up until now at the same daycare and now has become very unhappy there, it is now time for you to see what's going on in your child's classroom. Call the teacher if you can't get by there tomorrow and also talk with the director or person in charge. I would also recommend that as you speak with her teacher you need to document her answers. It is important for the teachers to keep you informed of your childs progress and things that aren't so good also. Find out tomorrow and you and your daughter will feel better. It could be something as small as a new kid in school is being stingy to someone forgot to open her milk at lunchtime, but as easily as children can be overlooked in a classroom situation of kids this age it is always best to communicate with her supervisors and not be sorry if you didn't later. Good Luck!

Answer 6

I have been there totally. Kids can be very cruel. You need to take a day off of work, even if just a few hours. Go to the daycare and stay there with your daughter. Kids love other kids' moms and will flock to you. It almost immediately makes your daughter popular. The only way for this to work is if you are outgoing and talk to the other kids...ask their name and tell them extra special things about your daughter in the midst of regular talk. While you are at the daycare, pay attention to your surroundings...does your daughter act scared around any particular child or staff member? Don't bring it up at the daycare because you don't want your daughter to be even more attacked or targeted.

Answer 7

I would ask the teachers if they have noticed your daughter being picked on or getting upset during class, and then I'd tell them of the battle you have every morning to take her there. Maybe it's something they're already working through.

She does seem a little young to be ostracized by other kids. Normally, at this age, they get mad one day and forget about it the next. It may just be a case of her wanting to be with you.

Either way, I'm sure they are including your daughter, so I don't think they need to be reminded to do that. I just think their attentions need to be focused on her a little bit more right now and drawing their attention to it when you drop her off would be how I'd handle it. After that, if she still complains, take it a step further.

Answer 8

I suggest you give the staff one chance to make things better for her. If they don't find her a new place. Whatever you do don't let it go on. Her tears are real, even if she is 3.

My son had a problem with a bully when he was 5. No one could figure out what the problem was because he was to afraid to tell. Consequently nothing was done about it, my son was bullied every morning on the bus and at school. He became sickly and ended up missing so much school that the teacher recommended him taking KINDERGARTEN over! I WENT ALONG WITH HER! It was a HUGE mistake. His confidence was shook to the core, and he has been affected by it his entire life. I will NEVER leave the well being up to the "people in charge" EVER AGAIN! Our children need our advocacy!

Answer 9

Talk to the teacher - do not let it go. Especially kids at this age need a lot of social support to make them feel safe. If the staff are good quality staff, they would love to discuss with you, instead of viewing you as overly anxcious.

Although your daughter started day care at a very early age, she probably is just starting to develop her social awareness and needs at this age. I am not surprised at the change in attitude.

My 3 year old started preschool this past month. She struggled for the 2nd week, until she started making friends in class. Then every day is a happy day and she wakes up looking forward to school.

So, talk to her teacher, and also discuss with other parents. See if you can have a few play days with her classmates to help her further develop a close relationship with her classmates. With your help, she'll be just fine!

Answer 10

i would def. talk to the teachers. you want your child to be happy when they are going to be there. kids are really mean these days. i work in a toddler Montessori school(private...children pay tuition, a certain way of learning...different than a regular day care/learning center), and i notice that some kids just aren't included in play with other children. teachers here try to encourage the children to interact. it's hard not to when there are only 10 children in one classroom....your children probably has close to 25 in a public school. during the class room time there not so much either b/c the structure of the class room is a one-on-one base. i would def. talk to the teachers and see how they view things are going and see if they can't do anything about it. good luck....i want your child to like school now so they will like it more in the future.