my ex-gf called me and said that she needed to talk to me. Evidently she is preg. and said that it's possible for it to be mine or the other guy's child. We are going to have it checked, but the other guy has split. She asked if i would be the child's father. I don't have a problem with it. I just would like some advice on how to react to this. She's not due for a few months, but i want to be prepared for it. I just don't know what i'm supposed to do. any help would be apreciated. Thank you.
2006-10-04 15:31:19 · 31 answers · asked by johnney b 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
i mean, if it's mine, obviously i'm going to be the father.
2006-10-04 15:52:41 · update #1
I would say that whatever reaction you are having is normal. Are you still in love with your ex? Would you be happy with her while raising a child? Do you want to be a father? This last one is really only important if you are not the biological father, if you are the biological father, you have to make yourself ready. If you answer yes to all of these, then by all means, go for it! You have a chance to be a father, something that many men take for granted and even throw away. There is no greater joy in the world than the love of a child.
My only concern is whether you know the extent of the promise you are about to make. Being a father is not something that you can just give up if you don't like it. You will be obligated to this child for the rest of thier life. Not 18 years, the rest of thier life. This is an awesome responsibility that cannot be taken lightly. You need to understand that there are many bad times that will come with all the good visions that you see in your head now. You will make mistakes and constantly wonder if you are doing all the right things. I am not trying to sound negative or give you a bad outlook on things, I just don't want you to go into this blind.
I am talking from experience. My daughter's father died before she was born and my boyfriend told her that he was her dad (this was when she was 2) He stuck around for about 2 years and then just left. He now wants nothing to do with me or my daughter. He said he changed his mind. Well you can't just do that. It completely broke her heart, and I have to live with the decisions that I made in regard to this, every day. I only tell you this, because you need to fully understand the situation.
Being a parent is the greatest gift in the world. I wish you the best in this situation. If you want to be this baby's father, you are a wonderful person. Every child deserves to have parents who love them. This may be the hardest decision you have to make, or the easiest. Go with what your heart tells you, don't try to find a reasoning for it or you will go nuts. Good luck! I really wish you the best. You will be amazed at what the love of a child will bring!! God Bless!
2006-10-04 16:11:18 · answer #1 · answered by momoftwo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, why did you two split up in the first place? How far along is she? Is it really possible for you to be the father? I would definitely get a test done. If you aren't the father of the baby and you agree to adopt, then you and this ex-girlfriend are attached for life. It's a big decision to make. And I hope that you give it alot of thought before you answer her either way. And think about YOUR future as well. If this isn't your baby...... What if you meet someone and the two of you get married, do you think she'd be okay with this situation? What about your parents? Do you think that they would treat this baby as their grandchild? Don't forget that you will be providing for the both of them. Insurance, child support or whatever. You can't change your mind when your ex ticks you off or you decide you've had enough of it all. She is scared right now of raising a child alone. And I can't say that I blame her. You can always be there for her as a friend. And help out in that way.
2006-10-04 22:47:34 · answer #2 · answered by fiestyredhead 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well first think how long have ya'll been seperated?
How long has she been pregnant?
Do you still love her.
Well I'm a female,
And I never told my ex or my boyfriend i was pregnant.
People just knew I was pregnant .
Cause I had my first child at 13.
And my other 2 at 15.I had twins.
Im only 17 now,I'll be 18 next year in 2007.
Tell her u want a dna test taken.
U can have one taken while she is pregnant.
Or wait until the baby is born and then after the baby is about 2 weeks old.The reason I never told my ex or my boyfriend i was pregnant.Is cause i know it's hard to say but these 17 years ive been on this earth ive had a ruff life.I started having sex at age 12.
I have to admit i was a hoe.
And i still dont know who any of my baby's daddy are:
I just know they are all black .
I know one of there daddy's and he is still with me and that is from the first child not the twins i know they got the same daddy but dont know who it is.
2006-10-05 01:26:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice would be to be there for her and the child until the results come out. If you are the father, then be the best dad you can be if not then be a close friend to the both of them.
Whether or not you want to get back together with her is really down to the relationship between you and your ex. In my experience no good comes of being together for the child's sake only. Good luck!
2006-10-04 22:36:34 · answer #4 · answered by soulgirl76 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are getting some good and bad advice on this site. You must know whether or not you are, in fact, the biological father of this child. The most effective test is by DNA comparison. So plan on spending the money to test you and the child, before or after it is born, to have proof positive of your paternity. I would do this while she is pregnant, so if you are the father, then you two can get married before the child is born. As the biological father, marriage alone will save you and the mother many headaches later on as your child grows up. You don't want your child to be labeled a bastard do you? If the DNA test comparison shows you are not the biological father, then the decision is yours but you would be wise to convince the real biological father to re-enter the mother's life and marry her before his child is born a bastard. You then become a forgotten friend.
2006-10-04 23:54:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You must be a gr8 guy. Do u still love her?! Do you think she's d right girl for you?! If yes, why don't you 2 seat down, have a nice and honest conversation about raising the child together as a family? Wouldn't it be better?! Anyway, she probably knows that you have a good heart, so don't allow her to hurt you. My advice is: go for DNA and check out if u r d real father. If yes, well, i'm sure u know what to do, but if the result is negative and you still feel like having the baby as yours go for adoption. In one case or another, think about what i said first, ok?!?! God bless you!!!!
2006-10-04 23:18:13 · answer #6 · answered by LovelyPortuguese 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you find out its yours, congradulations. Wish you all the best of luck.
If it is not yours, consider being a friend to her, and an 'uncle' to the child. I don't know the circumstances of your relationship with your ex, so I won't go giving you advice on whether or not to marry her, or just live together, or to back away from all this. That is for you to decide. However, it is not unheard of for guys a few years down the line to decide they want to be a part of their child's life, even if they walked out initially. If you think this could be the case, make sure that it is something the three of you could handle in a mature fashion when/if it came to that. Child custody battles are very hard on children.
If you have no idea about this guy, or are not able to get him to relinquish his rights, you will want to enter into this arrangement cautiously, both for your sake, and especially for the sake of the child.
2006-10-04 22:55:20 · answer #7 · answered by Another DIY Guy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
theirs a reason she's your ex-girlfriend!!! get a test done first. you really need to think long and hard about being the dad if you arn't the paternal parent. are you going to marry this girl? have a propper family and live together? be with no other female again? if the answer is no dont do it. if you arn't the father and say yes you will be paying child support always no matter what. if you find and marry another girl and move that will devistate the child. if you commit your life for ever in marriage do adopt her as your own child but if you dont want to be 100% then do not adopt her and be her dad. the real dad has to be a man and step up financially if you have legal aid in your country they will help her with the real dad and make him. be 100% possitive for life
2006-10-04 22:44:44 · answer #8 · answered by allisonwhaites 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the most important things are 1) Are you TRULY prepared to be a father, as in a good role model and supporter of mom and child?...and 2) Do you love this woman enough to make a LIFE-TIME commitment to her and a child you don't even know is your?
Not knowing the circumstances with your "EX-girlfriend", I would hope you think long and hard, first.
2006-10-05 00:13:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well most people can father there own biological child, however, adoption is a gift. It takes a very special person to raise, love, and be a great parent. It is not an easy job, but very rewarding. My only concern is that if this baby is in fact, not yours, and the biological father shows up down the road, it could be a messy situation. This is not an easy decision but if your heart is in this that is all that counts.
2006-10-04 23:49:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋