I had a miscarriage in June..I have dealt with it but I have not gotten the closure or response from the father...We are still together but we never talked about it he had never said anything about it.. when I told him I needed the surgery all he said was that sucks baby i am sorry i was attached....that was it the other night I asked him how he felt about it and same response....
Our friends just got pregnant and the father is completely against abortion.....my partner wanted it...and I said to him that's nice that they will keep the baby....my partner says well it didn't make a difference for us you lost it anyway...
i want to break apart from him because this is not the response i want from someone i am planning to spend the rest of my life with...
2006-10-04 15:28:11 · 10 answers · asked by Stelle 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I feel for your loss and I am sorry. I had a miscarriage a few years back also, and I know the feeling. I can also tell you that when I heard about others becoming pregnant after that happened to me I felt sad. Now in regards to your partner, I would say to stop and breathe and think things out. Make sure that whatever decision you choose to make you decide it with a cool and level head. I understand that you feel upset because of the way he is acting, like he is detached from the whole situation. You say that your partner wanted the baby, have you ever thought that maybe he just doesn't know how to react. Maybe he's at a loss for words, or maybe he so sad about the situation that he rathers shut down and like not try to deal with it. Men tend to be more aloof about things like this. My husband and I have always planned our kids, including the time I had the miscarriage, meaning that he wanted the baby too. But all I got was "oh honey, that's f***ed up" and he never seemed to be as upset about it as I was.
You may also think about this: Sometimes when a woman has a miscarriage it's because there is something wrong with the baby from the beginning and your body rejects it.
I would sit down and have a serious discussion with him. Make sure there are no distractions.....turn off house phones, cell phones, t.v., etc. so that you can just talk and let him know exactly how you are feeling and let him know that you understand if he is hurting too but he needs to talk about it. Cry if you guys have to. Let it all out.
Then you can decide what ever it is you are going to do but atleast you give him a chance to speak his mind, and this way you can make sure that you won't have any "what if's" in the future. It's still too soon. I know it took me a while to get over it, and I'm not talking about months.
If you decide that you will stay with him after all, then I suggest that you get back to business and try again. It's been four months and doctors suggest you try after three months.
Food for thought:
"Just because a person does not love us the way WE want to be loved, doesn't mean they don't love us with all of their heart." --Author Unknown.
Good luck and I hope I was able to help.
P.S. you can email me if you'd like to talk.
2006-10-04 16:02:23 · answer #1 · answered by hilda c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry about your loss. You didn't say how far along you were. I was 5-1/2 months when I miscarried. It took a very long time for me to get over losing my baby. The only thing that I can tell you is men don't feel the same way that we do,. They are sad for a short time, but they didn't feel life inside of them, dream about their future child in the same way women do, or just don't have that real attachment until the child is born.
If your man doesn't want to have children and you do, perhaps he is not the mate that you are looking for.
2006-10-04 15:35:46 · answer #2 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry, I too "lost" a baby. You must realize that men do not go through the same hormone drop after this loss, the drastic drop in body chemicals knock you on your butt and if you have other issues they seem magnified while your body recovers normal balances. PLEASE remember also, that men do NOT comprehend the baby as a human until they see it, or if THEY planned and wanted a baby.
As a woman we LOVE the baby from the moment we learn about it. For me, I LOVED my baby from the moment I decided to get pregnant, because I waited thirteen years between babies~ I conceived again three months after my loss. I have an amazing optimistic happy boy to cherish now. (well, two of them)
PLEASE say a little prayer of thanks for the baby you carried and lost. Do you have any keepsakes from the pregnancy? If so, make a little remembrance box and put them in it, plus a note to YOUR baby. THEN CRY, then move on to correcting other problems that are disturbing you. Do NOT project your feelings on your boyfriend, they are YOURS for the loss. Forgive him. Only YOU know if he is worth working on a relationship with . I "feel" that he is.
2006-10-04 15:59:38 · answer #3 · answered by dbzgalaxy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a decision you will have to make, but have you told your partner how you are feeling about it. You need to tell him you need more support. Tell him you need to know how he is feeling to get over this and try to move on!!! I know exactly how you feel. I had 2 miscarriages and it took me forever to get closure. I was always blaming my self and thinking what if!! I did although have all the support, understanding, love, and comfort i could have ever wanted from my husband!!! He took it hard and was there for me every second. I know it is a lot harder for the mother to get over it than the man, but your partner needs to give you all his support and love. If he can't i would rethink the relationship!!! Good luck!!! If you want to talk e-mail me!!!
2006-10-04 15:35:24 · answer #4 · answered by housewives5 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear about your loss.I had a miscarriage in July and I know how devastating that is.Guys don't have the same feelings we do,for them it happens more after the baby is born and even my DH has made stupid remarks that I know he didn't mean that way.
But if his response really bothers you and you think he meant it in a hurtfull way-leave him,but make sure you try to talk to him about his feelings one more time.You wouldn't want to break up a relationship because the guy has problems expressing his feelings.
Here is a little saying that keeps me going
"It's never going to be okay,but it's gonna be alright"
2006-10-04 16:52:19 · answer #5 · answered by Darthtater 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what kind of surgery did you have was it a abortion by chose or not. i feel sorry for the loss maybe you guys need a consuler or something sounds like he his really hurt over the baby being gone i do not think you need to break apart from him he is hurt the two of you need to talk and help each other after all it was his baby to.
2006-10-04 15:36:07 · answer #6 · answered by mcdanieljoanie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK girl so I am gonna tell you what I think. I think guys are so much more closed then us. I speak from personal loss even though mine was a choice. I decided to terminate my pregnancy. My daughter had just turned one and me and my man felt we weren't ready for number two. This was the MOST difficult thing I had ever had to deal with. He took it extremely nonchalantly. It killed me that I was so hurt and he acted as if it didn't phase him. After about two years I finally sat down with him and broke down. I let him know how much it hurt to lose such a beautiful thing and I felt like it didn't mean anything to him. He really tried to explain to me how difficult it was to him but he felt he had to be strong and it wasn't easy for him to show emotion. It may really matter to your man but he won't know how to show it. Its something real hard to deal with especially on your own. Try talking to him and letting him know how you feel and see where it goes from there. Good luck!
2006-10-04 16:36:52 · answer #7 · answered by whos_tat_grl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not know him so it is hard to tell but a responce so coarse and so cold is odd and heart less...
for your friend i wish her luck and in the future ppfa for her...but for you time will heal one day you'll talk about it and just cry it out and everything will be better..
what you can do is just try to move on try to have fun....don't force your self to foreget...or to be happy ....just try
just try to have fun and live life...
no regrets.
2006-10-04 15:32:09 · answer #8 · answered by Cobalt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE HIM BECAUSE HIS NOT WORTH. YOU LOST A BABY AND JUST STAYS THEIR LIKE NOTHING. IF HIS YOUR PARTNER HE SHOULD BE THEIR FOR GOOD TIMES AND BAD TIMES. JUST LET HIM GO YOUR GOING TO FIND A GOOD MAN THE TREATS BETTER OK.
2006-10-04 15:54:01 · answer #9 · answered by LAMUNECA 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
dump him
2006-10-04 15:30:54 · answer #10 · answered by Ruth Less RN 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋