"Can't" is a 4-letter word to me now?

Question

So, ever since I've been planning my wedding I've been hearing several people tell me I can't do this or I can't do that. I got fed up about it and finally told everyone to let me do what I want to do for my wedding and let me be. I only, God willing, will do this once in my life and I want it to be something I won't regret. I can't please everyone and I shouldn't have to on a day like this. Agree? Well, now I'm hearing people tell me I'm a Bridezilla. I haven't watched the show, but from what I understand, a Bridezilla is someone who get's mad and rude when it's not warranted. I think I have every right to tell people to keep their opinions to themselves. I had three people all at once actually raising their voices to me telling me I couldn't do something. These are the same people that, at the beginning, said "You're the bride. This is YOUR wedding. You do what makes YOU happy." Sooooo, what gives?!

Example: who picks the flowergirl dresses? My wedding will have an asian theme and I want the girls to wear asian-style dresses. However, someone - and I won't say who - doesn't like it and would rather the girls wear normal flower girl dresses. I tried to compromise, but that didn't work. So, I just threw my hands up and said, OK, it's gonna be how I want it then..period.

Question is: Is this "bridezilla" worthy?

don't get the "blowhard" response...how is this bragging?

My parents and I are paying for the wedding. I do accept advice from others and say "thank you for the suggestion". It's when they come back and say I can't do this or that or get mad b/c I'm not doing what they suggest that frustrates me. Felt like I was walking on eggshells for others. :(

As far as prices go...bridesmaids dresses were $43 and flower girls dresses are no more than $20...pretty cheap I'd say :)

Answer 1

Interesting.

Answer 2

Lol...My best friend became bridezilla and trust me, you aren't bridezilla, although some people might tell you you are. The way I see it is that the people who are telling you you are are the ones that want things done a certain way right? I'd be willing to bet that those are really close to you on your husband's to be side...or maybe bridesmaids or even the maid of honor.
It works this way, think about the person who is giving you the most grief of all, try to think if she is acting this way because she might be jealous or trying to steal your thunder. It happens.
You will become bridezilla if you start asking for weird things like my friend did: She choose flowers to which the flower girls were allergic and refused to change them, the girls developed rashes, and she didn't care, She demanded we were all present (we being the bridesmaids) at her dress fitting when all of us were working, looking after sick parents and little kids (we had to ask for the day off of work), she demanded that none of our dresses show cleavage because hers didn't show it, she demanded none of our hair dos were similar to her's (all the while we are thinking, she is the bride, it is her show, none of us would have a dress remotely close to hers or a hairdo), she demanded that we practiced walking so that when we walked in front of her in Church we wouldn't trip, she wanted us to memorize the readings for Church, once in the wedding dinner she forbid us to drink more than two glasses of wine because we would all get drunk and make a scene, she demanded we didn't loose any weight so that she would look thinner than us on the pictures...and that's just the half of it.
So deciding on what you want for your wedding within reason doesn't make you a bridezilla, it makes you want the very best for the wedding. If you start overreacting that makes you a bridezilla.

Answer 3

I just chose a best answer on my very similar question! You are NOT a Bridezilla unless you refuse to listen to any suggestions or if you are outright mean.

I have had the same problem with "It's you're wedding, but do what I want." The advice I was given on Yahoo was to talk to your fiance, pick an immovable budget, and stick to it. If someone "suggests" something that doesn't fit with it, tell them that it doesn't fit, but if it is important to them (assuming it's something like an extra relative or an open bar), they are welcome to provide the money for it. BE NICE when you say it, of course.

As per your flower girl question: Unless you are extremely wealthy or if the parents are bad off, the parents pay for their child's dress. My aunt even had to make mine for me when I was a flower girl 100 years ago. The same goes for bridesmaids' dresses, groomsmen's tuxes, etc. You do pay for the corsages and boutonnieres though.

www.theknot.com will help a ton!

And, if all else fails, elope. :-D I can't tell you how much I have thought about it myself!

Answer 4

The bride is the director of the show. Her word is written in stone, and they should get over theirselves and go with the flow. I told my daughter if she wanted to get married in pink and purple in 5 foot of snow, that's what we would do.

I know you have way to much to do, but you have got to get this bunch in line. If you don't take the bull by the horns right now, you won't get anything done. Please take time to tell each one of them about your "dream" wedding. Traditional weddings are quickly becoming a thing of the past, but some people still hold onto what use to be. They believe a wedding have to follow those strict practices, and it's not that way any more. Couples are putting a lot of their own personalities into their weddings, and I believe that is truly the best of the best of the wedding. They aren't so sterile, they are unique.

Please set these folks down, apologize to them, and tell you love them, and you need their help to make YOUR wedding what you and your fiance want. Explain you understand that traditionally you don't do some of the things you will be doing, but times are a changing. Each of them is welcomed to suggest their ideas and concerns, but you have final call. The theme wedding is new, explain and show them what you are hoping for. Remind them that you were so thankful when they were all in agreement at the beginning that this was your day, and that they were willing to do whatever that makes you happy. Don't get up in their faces, but gentely and with a smile on your happy face. "I am so very lucky to have people that understand and are willing to help make my wedding day just what I want it to be."

Wedding are so stressful, it should be a law that everyone be required to be on some kind of meds during the planning of one. Feelings are so easily hurt, and tempers are ready to blow, and the Bride bless her heart all she can do is cry. Honey, please please give the apology whether they really deserve it or not, and get things back on track. I am so sorry that the family and friends around you are not supporting your decisions and are trying to help you anyway possbile. I am praying that after the "talk and apology" things will magically improve.

Praying that your wedding is the most beautiful and happiest wedding possible.

ps...the flower girls should wear what you want, and I think the dresses you described would be lovely, show them a picture...

God bless us all...........

Answer 5

This is your wedding, but understand that not everyone is going to understand what you're going for.

It sounds cute about the flower girl dresses, and if someone doesn't agree, why should it bother you? Do you really need to have people agree to move on?

I don't think you're Bridezilla--you are getting things done. Bridezilla would be throwing a tantrum when you don't get your way. You're not being one. You're being real.

If you need to, talk with those negative Nellys and Nortons. Explain to them that you have your dream wedding in your head, and you would like to work with them to make that possible. You would LOVE to hear and recongize their ideas, but you would also LOVE them to listen AND accept yours.

Answer 6

Calm down. Do what you want. Be firm and don't compromise. If anyone doesn't like it they have the choice to not come, not participate or have their own wedding exactly the way they want it but this is YOUR wedding.

In 3 years no one will care but you, so do it the way YOU want your day to be.

I've seen the program and you don't seem like the Bridezilla portrayed on the show. Don't let someone else call you names because they don't want to keep their opinions to themselves. Move forward and leave anyone who doesn't want to come along for the ride, in your dust.

Congrats!

Answer 7

On some topics, just stop sharing your details with people, and they don't have anything to commment about! Too many people on the "committee" and you're bound to have incredibly stupid arguments happen, like what style the flowergirl dresses will be .

Styles of FG dresses are not something that REALLY matters.

You SHOULD listen to others' advice when it comes down to issues of who in family to invite, how to use proper hosting etiquette, not farming out bills to someone in the family that didn't have any input in how their money was spent, etc-- those are the things you REALLY need to worry about-- making sure you are not rude to other people.

Styles of dresses is just fashion. It's unimportant. Etiquette mistakes and wedding-related snubs, people remember for generations.

Answer 8

I think you need to explain to people what you expect your wedding day to be like. Maybe they dont understand all of your concepts? Explain to them that weddings are trendy now and the more exciting and original the better. Also, it is your day but that really depends on who is paying for it. Also, you really have to acknowledge how every idea you have does effect everyone in the party including all parents. You should really be more open minded about peoples opinions - you dont have to accept them - just consider them to make that person happy then write a journal of how horrible that idea was lol....be happy it is only one day that might not last forever. Keep in reality of why you are getting married - not the idea of having a awesome celebration, but b/c you love your fiance. good luck tho.

Answer 9

Well, just stay away from these people even if they are your relatives & friends. I think, asian theme is VERY cool! What if you wear a kimono instead of normal dress? Why not? Just don't even start talking about your wedding with others- close the topic as soon as it appears. If people are not satisfied, let them be! Whatever... I remember, my friend asked me why my dress was blue, and my bride's maids' dresses were black- you don't want to know what I replied! It's NOBODY'S business- only YOURS! Good luck & congratulations!

Answer 10

As a pastor and father of four, I'd say, "Bravo! Kudos & Cheers." It is your day and other than some kind of sacriligious doda, I've told brides to do it and I'd support it. The exception was a very prego wanting the song "I'm having his baby" as the bride down the aisle song.
Your fiancee probably won't understand this. Be gentle with him. Tell him anyway. The glazed over look is always trendy.

Answer 11

Umm, I'm not so sure if this is Bridezilla worthy or if you are just simply sticking up for yourself. Just continue to nicely remind them, that you love them and want them to be a part of YOUR day and that you will be the deciding factor. Do try to understand that people are easier to deal with when you choose dresses that are cheap and/or can be worn again. Mothers on the other hand will almost always be difficult, but remind them that this is your weddding not theirs (nicely). My mother would certainly have done things differently, but she conceeded to my way of thinking. I would ask for help and if they say they "cant" move on. Get it done yourself, it's possible. Trust me.