I have been is a relationship for over 4 years and I am having some trouble. When we first started going out, he talked trash about me even though we got along so well and we didn't ever have an arguement.I asked him about this and he said he doesn't know why he did it, he was just stupid. Ok, later he cheated on be with 2 of his exes. Again, he said he was just stupid and he was sorry. Another time he wanted to dye my hair blonde b/c he said that it was every mans dream to have a girl with that. I have dark brown hair. There have been so many other things that he has said and done to hurt my feelings. In the last year he hasn't said or done anything. Two years ago he bought me the house of my dreams and bought me a brand new tahoe. I am hurting from the past and I am having trouble forgiving him for all the hurt. He is a good man other than hurting me mentaly. He gets me anything I want, even if it is's a cup of milk. Should I just foregive him and go on with the relationship?
2006-10-04 15:06:23 · 22 answers · asked by erica/gabriel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Ms. Erica/Gabriel the thing about Men is that they are not always right in what they do, The way he talked about you is not right, and the way he has said things to hurt your feelings is also not right, BUT time does mend the pain but the scars of the past are there....And you get reminded of this anytime that he does something wrong, it is like everytime he has a bad attitude with you, You want to just show him your heart full of the scars of yesterday...the thing is these scars are not of yesterday they are of years ago maybe even a year or so, So like when there is hurt in your life, the pain goes away but the memory will ALWAYS stay, but the thing about our memories that I find amazingly helpful for myself is that for every good thing that he has done for you, For everytime he is there for you, you should use that time and cherish it to help build the foundation of a happy view of him, You let the anger take a shutter and shut his love out, and you need to show him what it is to not hurt you, Sometimes in relationships there are times that you have to work a little harder to maintain that man/woman you fell in love with..If he hasn't done it in a year than that shows that he is getting a little smarter in his ways "Remember the book of love has an eraser, But sometimes when books get old the further back the story goes the harder it is to erase without tearing the page or pages." I know that even though you would like to go back and erase these times it has to be done very slowly and very carefully because right now your page of love with him is worn and weathered but if you take the time to forgive...it will be cleaned and white once again, Remember though Ms. EG that you cannot forgive if you are not willing too...all the luck!
2006-10-08 14:00:41 · answer #1 · answered by E.F. Landeros 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I think starting out in a new relationship people sometimes don't know what they want, and some times they are confused. this is especially true if they have just broken off a relationship and are on the rebound.
It sounds to me that maybe at first he was unsure, but he has come around over time . If the condescending remarks and the wish to change you continues. Well then maybe he will never change and then you will have to make a decision on if you can be happy with the way things are enough to stay in the relationship . Don't tie the knot until your sure your with the right guy, out of a desire to change him.or hold on to him, because the pressures of a marriage will just add to the relationship pressure.
Good luck
2006-10-04 22:16:36 · answer #2 · answered by Shawn S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is the type that he thinks that by getting a woman gifts will satisfy her completely. It's wrong. Just cuz he give u things doesn't mean a thing. It's only materialism what about love. Does he give the love that u deserve! Does he apprecaite u enough. Once a cheater is always a cheater. U need to think about ur relationship with him. Ask ur self if he's just doing this to keep u preoccupied by u not knowing what he's really doing. Materialism are just things that are just. when u die u won't take none of that with u. Think about ur life and ur future what is it that u want in a real relationship. I would break up with him cuz i wouldn't take it.
2006-10-04 22:14:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive him but go to couples counseling
About the blond hair thing dont take that too personaly . A lot of woman dye there hair many different colors to get there husband visualy stimulated
I want to stress him cheating is wrong
Change up your looks a bit from time to time nothing radical
He will have fatansies
You will have your fantasies
Make those fantasies spark
Eat lots of chocolate
Have him eat lots of chocolate
Have him treat you like a queen
Treat him like a King
Cuddel
2006-10-04 22:16:54 · answer #4 · answered by bolounit1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness huh? First things first. What is more important to you: the material things he can give you or the emotional fulfillment he is not giving you? You have been with this man for over 4 years so I understand its hard just to give it up. I'm not telling you to give it up, but what I am telling you is this, you are selling yourself out. Everytime you let him buy you this, and buy you that, in his eyes you are probably obligating yourself to do whatever he tells you to do. He feels like its okay to talk to you any kind of way and cheating on you with 2 of his exes, because you took him back after he showered with you VERY nice gifts. It was kind of easy to take him back, but not easy to let go of the feelings. Thats the problem with relationships like this one. You need to stop and think to yourself if you can forgive him. Forgiving someone who hurts you constantly is hard to do. After you decide whats important "the material things he can give you or the emotional fulfillment he is not giving you" then you decide if I'm staying then I need to learn how to forgive him. Its not fair to him in a way to just be in a relationship where there is no trust and its not fair to you either. Hope this helps!
2006-10-04 22:15:25 · answer #5 · answered by Patty J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are really attatched to him, maybe too dependant? He gets you everything you want, so he could be with you but then takes the chances to cheat on you with his ex girlfriends... If he is really changing, that is really good, but if he isnt, you should really get mad at him for what he did wrong, and explain why (guys usually dont get why girls get mad) and then decide.. If he hurts you mentally you are not going to be happy. Money and good house isnt everything.. and just think about it.. he gets you everything you want so you wont get mad at him... thats what ppl do when they cheat on thier partner!
2006-10-04 22:10:18 · answer #6 · answered by anna 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU KNOW WHAT
GET RID OF HIM!!!
But, I know you wont because, based on your question, it looks like you have already made up your mind.
You claim "He gets me anything I want, even if it's a cup of milk"
Do you want a Materialistic man or an Emotionally Involved man who is IN LOVE with YOU (and you only)??
Sounds like you are convinced that "money can buy love".
It really can't of course.
2006-10-04 22:11:05 · answer #7 · answered by What gives? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok....I rarely do this, but I started reading thru your message, and I'm reading and reading and it gets worse ands worse, and then I get to the 'he cheated with 2 of his x's.......I can't even finish it......
.....Ummmm...you need to dump his sorry a_s_s sweety. You are never going to iron this guys crap out of him. You will just end up being a glutton for punishment.
You need to face that you have a dysfunctional relationship with this guy, cut him loose, grieve over it, get over it, and then go back out and find someone that will be GOOD to you.
I'm sorry to bear bad info to you. Go find someone that won't take you down and disrespect you. There are good guys out there.
2006-10-04 22:19:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
someone who fulfills your material needs, but lacks on your mental being is no good....he shouldn't say mean things about you....and if you can't get past this, then you're not going to be happy no matter whatever he buys you. Also, the cheating thing, I think is no good, once a cheater, always a cheater....but if you took him back...its like you forgave him and you kinda have to drop that subject.
But if he's not being consideriate to who you are inside, and doesn't make you feel good....i would either talk to him about it...or think about ending it and finding someone better.
2006-10-04 22:12:17 · answer #9 · answered by asiantomato84 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to deal with your feelings before you can move forward whether that be with him or alone. You need to have a long talk with him and try to resolve this. If you are sure that he is faithful to you know, I think that the relationship is worth saving.
2006-10-04 22:09:39 · answer #10 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋