I am 18 years old and I just began to build a relationship with my dad. When I was a child he married and moved to Germany where he had two kids. He did not call much and he did not see me much. He moved back when i was seven and i just pushed him away. My relatinship with him makes it hard for me to keep a girlfriend because I have a bad attitude but it is because I am mad as hell. My mom was in high school when I was born and she dropped out to take care of me. He was basically free. Should I just forgive him because I love him or just let him go because I get angry fast.
2006-10-04 14:34:31 · 18 answers · asked by CYP 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You have to 4give him. You really don't know the whole story. Don't think he didn't miss you.. Don't think he doesn't love you.. Men tend to show their love different than woman.. Its hard for men to open there heart.. I believe your father was in pain as well.. You can put the past behind you and start trying to build some positive memories.
Be able start by trying to be a friend rather than a son.. Build a understanding then sit down and talk,share how you really feel about the void that was missing in your life when he was away, share what he missed, share the tears, the anger, the love.
You have a right to feel the way you do. you can only heal by facing those wounds. You can't erase the past but you can write the future
2006-10-04 14:43:55 · answer #1 · answered by M M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a lot of justifiable resentment built up over the years. When you were just 7, you can't blame yourself for 'pushing your dad away'. He should have insisted on being a part of your life. However, people make mistakes and perhaps he thought that if it was upsetting you so much that he should back off.
Fast forward and here you are at the ripe old age of 18. Believe it or not, you are still a young person, young enough to begin building a relationship with your dad.
I can say from knowing others who have had their dad go away, that they wished as adults that they could have known their father in a greater capacity. They are sad that they missed opportunities they had to get to know their dad.
Go slow, tell him how you feel and be honest with yourself as well. Don't try to second guess what your dad is thinking or thought back then. Ask him now, while he is here on earth and you have the chance.
I wish you the best!
2006-10-04 14:48:54 · answer #2 · answered by Dragonfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive and forget is the best way. Maybe if you do this you might have a better attitude and might be able to keep a girlfriend. If you try and it doesn't work out that you get along then you can say you tried and move on. You can still love someone and not like what they did you just have to know when to let it go. Good luck!
2006-10-04 15:03:10 · answer #3 · answered by lovedietdp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you forgive? Forgiveness is divine. It is a gift we must recieve before we can give it away. Ask God to show you the way. (Maybe your question should have been under "Spiritual").
Forgiveness is not just for your father. It is for you too. It relieves the soul of the burden of hate. Have conversation with this man who is your father. Maybe he has regrets. Maybe he needs your forgiveness all the more if he does not. There is divinity in all of us.
Find time to sit quietly and close your eyes. He made you part of this universe, your father. For that you should be thankful. Let the quiet make all the stuff in your brain stop. Now search for who you are and who you want to be. See the relationship you want when you forgive this man. He has done wrong. Only God has the power to judge. Relenquish what is negative. Reach for the light, and that is how you forgive.
2006-10-04 15:15:19 · answer #4 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your resentment of your father, but it sounds as if you would really like to have him in your life even though you are angry with him for not being in your life more until now. I believe you should get this resentment off your chest and tell him how angry you are with him for not being more involved with you. I think until all your cards are on the table there will be no way to move past it and try to get to know him better and him you. Go fishing together, or some such activity with just you and him so you can get the air cleared. It will be difficult, and there are no guarantees that things will be better, but until that time I feel you will be unable to get over your anger and get on with living without all these negative feelings getting in your way. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive him, it is very liberating.
Best wishes
2006-10-04 14:47:13 · answer #5 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think U should at least give him a chance to see what kind of relationship he wants to have with U !! Because if U dont give him a chance U might really miss something special. But if U really try and it seems he's not then let him go or he will think he can come in and out of your life as he pleases. GOOD LUCK
2006-10-04 14:46:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As complicated because it ought to be he remains your dad. he won't be suited and have made a good number of blunders contained in the previous yet he will continuously be your father. there is not any longer something which you're able to do to alter that. What you're able to do is substitute the relationship you have earlier it truly is in basic terms too previous due. if his wellbeing is deteriorating this may be the only risk you will desire to work out him and make your peace. i'm no longer asserting which you will desire to forgive and overlook, that isn't take the discomfort away that he has brought about. yet this may be the final risk you will desire to work out him. in case you do no longer pass it ought to be some thing which you will remorseful approximately for something of your existence. in case you clarify on your mom which you somewhat desire to work out him so which you will a minimum of say so long she would understand. i does no longer pass in the back of her back and pass without her understanding. that could reason her extra harm. good success!
2016-10-01 22:58:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE PAST, but you can choose your future. FORGIVE the past for your OWN sake and then make the best of the situation and your future. If he is trying to reach out to you, then reach back and create a good relationship in spite of the past. If he is still distant then accept that and move on...you can't change him but you can affect YOUR OWN future. Build long lasting relationships with others, make friends, attend a local church where they have small group meetings that you can attend and develop friendships .. YOU are in control of your future .. make good choices and move on with your life..
2006-10-04 14:43:10 · answer #8 · answered by MeInUSA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your dad is willing to have a relationship with you now, try and work on it. Let him know how angry you are for what he did to you and your mother. You should try and find a way to forgive him but that doesn't mean you have to forget.
2006-10-04 14:37:31 · answer #9 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well here's what I have to say..
Try to keep in touch with you dad more. If he just doesn't keep with your relationship, then you don't have to forgive him if you want to. Its your choice really. But it was his responsability to care of you as a kid, and its sad that he didn't do that.
2006-10-04 14:38:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋