There's this girl here at my college...and she and I HATE each other...but her mom died recently....and to be perfectly honest, I didn't care at all.....but here's the thing...our boss at work (we work as tutors at school here) is going to be passing around a condolence card for all the co-workers to sign...
If I sign it, I feel it'd be wrong because I don't care, and plus I don't like the girl...if my mother died, I wouldn't want somebody I don't like to put their name on the card...but at the same time, I think I should just sign it.....but then it'd be more of an obligation thing...I'm only signing it because everybody else is....and that'd be wrong and disrespectful to sign it and not even mean it.....any suggestions?
2006-10-04 14:31:16 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Your very statement says so much about the person you are...
"There's this girl here at my college...and she and I HATE each other...but her mom died recently....and to be perfectly honest, I didn't care at all."
That has to be the most heartless, superficial, insensitive thing I have yet to hear on these boards!
What goes around comes around little man! One day when you lose your parent I hope someone doesn't do to you or say about you what you have just said, and to think it's kids (with a capitol K) like you that will be running our country one day..... now that is scary!
I have signed many cards for people I did not particularly care for.... not out of anything but sympathy for their loss... Glad you are not a fellow student of my Kid!
2006-10-04 14:57:45 · answer #1 · answered by mommakaye 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
This might be a long shot, but I hope you see my point. In the WWI the allied and the German forces were both well entrenched - fioring at each other, but not making any progress. On Christmas night they called a cease fire and exchanged gifts: pictures, food and anything they carried. They hugged and shared the moment - celebrating humanity and embracing the christmas spirit. When done - they returned to their trenches. The battle commensed the next morning. Business as usual.....
My point: You arenot signing the card because you like the girl, but because you realize that she is having a tragic time. You would not want to be in her shoes. Sometimes you have to rise above the everyday attitude and sympathize with peoples situation - not the people themselves....
2006-10-04 14:49:48 · answer #2 · answered by the Engineer 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Go to the authorities immediately and confess. They know you did it anyway and it is only a matter of time. Oh sorry I now read the whole thing, ummm to tell you the truth this person could care less what you do either way. THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!! This girl's mother died and if you have no sympathy for that then you are a psycho-b**ch. This only shows how mature you are. If you think this person cares about whether you are a phony or not then you are mistaken. Look beyond yourself and imagine how you would feel if your mom died. Life is too short.
2006-10-04 15:01:12 · answer #3 · answered by Pretty_Bad_Logic 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just sign the card. It would be extremely immature and inconsiderate of you to blatantly refuse to offer your condolences. Whether the two of you get along later is irrelevant at a time like this. It's not a matter of conforming, but a matter of respect and being a good human being.
2006-10-05 11:13:51 · answer #4 · answered by Keyring 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, for goodness sake! Just sign the card! You don't have to put any message on it. How would you feel if your mom died? She may see your name and think nothing of it.
Her mother did nothing to you. Be a human. Sign the card. If you don't ... so what? Can you live with yourself? Just be civil.
2006-10-04 15:24:43 · answer #5 · answered by Malika 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to be consider looking like a monster instead? A true monster has no remorse for what's done or their own actions. You make it sound like it's one-sided but it's not. Just for one day make yourself a truce with this person. It's the humane thing to do.
You don't want to post why you hate this person and it seems it doesn't matter. That's fine but it also means that you care enough to make peace at this time. Whatever reason you at war with this girl be the bigger man enough to make peace for as long as you can.
I'd bet you that the mother would want to see her daughter know that she's lady enough to let bygones be bygones for her sake. Someone close to her died and we all have to show some respect for what happened. This is the right thing to do both of you being mature adults like your parents raised you to be.
2006-10-04 14:47:16 · answer #6 · answered by mrgoodbar 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Even if you hate her, she is still a human being. But, if really don't want to sign, then don't.
The bigger problem, and rather frightening, is your coldness; that you have no feelings at all that someone lost their mother? That sounds like the stuff serial killers say!! This is disturbing. I cannot imagine what happened between the two of you. Also for you to actually write "because I don't care" it must have been really bad. Something is really wrong here.
2006-10-04 14:47:09 · answer #7 · answered by candace b 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Now may be a time God is giving you to grow as a person. Put your hatred of this girl aside. Even if all you can say is that you are sorry that her mom died. Take some quiet time with God. Listen to what He is trying to say to you. Use it as a time of spiritual growth. Her mother's death is going to change her in ways she cannot possibly imagine now. Hating someone takes such a lot of energy. Maybe now is the time to set aside your hatred and try to see her differently. I pray that your heart will soften and that you can sign this card with honest feelings of compassion and sympathy. God bless!
2006-10-04 14:42:01 · answer #8 · answered by celticwoman777 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to the grown up world.
Your going to be working with TONS of people you don't like soon enough and you won't want your whole office- management and executive teams to know you can't separate personal feelings from professional courtesy.
Sign the card, without anything but your name. When you see her, just simply say "I'm sorry to hear about your Mom" and keep moving.
If anyone on my team was so immature as to not sign a birthday/anniversary/sympathy card- they wouldn't be seen as being a good member of my TEAM. As an office- business- department or whatever- we look to hire people who can work well together.
I hope you can get the chip off your shoulder before you look to earn some real coin.
2006-10-04 14:37:33 · answer #9 · answered by Mommyk232 5 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Put your feelings aside for a minute.. She just lost her mother, so it's a hard time in her life. Now isn't the time to be mean and insulting toward her when she's hurting so miserably.. Sign the card "sorry for your loss" and with your name. Leave it at that. Be the bigger man. Imagine if you were in that situation.. Don't let it eat at you. Hatred doesn't do anyone any good. Let it go. You're an adult now. Act like it.
2006-10-04 14:42:45 · answer #10 · answered by Shorty 2 · 5⤊ 1⤋