What is wrong with me? I cant stop crying...?

Question

I have felt depressed / 'down' for 6 years, ever since i got into a bad relationship with a 'bad boy' when i was 16. He used to threaten me, push me around, he almost raped me..
Alot of other stuff happened, and it has affected me.
I have no self esteem, i just hate myself and how weak i am.

My old doctors gave me 70mg i think it was, of efexor.
This was the most effective drug i was on.

Now i have a new doctor. I recently tried to kill myself, i self harm and i am literally a mass of scars. I burst out crying at the most inappropriate times and i cant explain why. One second i can be laughing, i feel hyper, i feel happy, then without warning i want to die & i can be harming myself.

My new doctors think i'm not depressed, as i 'seemed happym enough' when i went in. I'm not happy with this diagnosis, i wish i could put a name to what i have, ykno?
She has put me on 10mg of tabelts i cant remember the name but they are doing NOTHING.

I dont know what to do...

Answer 1

read some of your answers and the one who told you rudely to stop winging, well my dear this idiot don't know what it is to be depressed, I am a 50 year old disabled man and I can wholeheartedly sympathise with you, I know what you are going through as I lost my Nan back in 1989 and I got so down, I never cried once, beleive me love if you don't get help now then you won't have to try and kill yourself as when my depression started in 1989 it caused all sorts of problems, high blood pressure 260/160 and higher, I ended up having a stroke ( brain haemorrhage, if it wasn't for my wife , I would have died, she saved my life. After that I suffered 16 mini strokes, diabetes plus a whole load of probs, at present I am stuck on a kidney machine 3 times a week for at least 4 and a half hours, if I don't I could be dead within a month. It's thinking about my wife and kids that keep me sane, I do have my bad days. So come on love pull yourself together, I know it is hard, have a will to live, focus on those you love and who love you and that might just help. There are some lovely guys out there you have just got to find one, not all guys are bad, I am a big softy I love my wife dearly and we celebrated 20 glorious years together as husband and wife. I am Scottish and she is a London lass we live in Essex England with our 2 sons and little poodle Benji who I bought for the wife 7 months after she saved my life in 1994, I taught him to talk he says Mum Mum but the little bugger won't say Dad Dad.. I thought I would put this in to make you laugh. Try and talk to those who you love and trust and you may seek help from them.
I have more worries over on top of what I have, I hope to start home dialysis sometime next year but the disabled facility grant is only £25,000 top and as I cannot get upstairs plus I have a line in my neck as a second lifeline for dialysis I also have had a fistula made on my left wrist. I haven't had a bath or shower in over 4 years due to the kneckline and the stairs, so my OT has put me in for my home to be adapted, meaning a downstairs bedroom and walk in shower as where I am sleeping just now could be dangerous as the room is directly in front of my gas boiler. The situation I am in is this, my building costs alone costing around £50,000 and that is only building, I have to find the other £25,000 that the grant wont cover. also I need the room to be decorated and hygenic flooring put down, on top of that I need the front room done after the building work has been completed along with the hallway and front room flooring. My carpet was ruined a few years ago by builders, plus my downstairs toilet ceilling has to be changed for the fourth time in 4 years as the walk in shower I had done 5 or so years ago was bodged in places hence water ruined my ceilling 3 times. On top of all that my extention flat roof was damaged by the window cleaners and when the rain came hard it poured in,I had the firebrigade out three times in a week. At present My sons put up 2 new tarpaulins for me which has held it back soi far, but this is the room I am sleeping in and it honks of dampness. If I cannot raise at least the £25,000 ,then I am in a right pickle as I have a badly leaking roof which if I don't get my grant work done I will have to find the money myself, on top of that if I have to cancell the work or it gets cancelled then I will have to pay surveyors and planners costs and heaven knows what else and\ that is going to be at least £3,000 and that is before I get my flat roofing repaired. So the reason I told you all this is because even though you think you have problems, there is always someone else having big probs as well, but I will have to beg steal or borrow to get by but I am not pulling myself down over all this.
I am not trying to make you feel bad love, but when things get bad as long as you have those who you love and they love you by your side then that alone is better than all the medication in the world.

Now I hope you appreciate me for writing such a long letter to show you that no matter what life throws at you, you just get back up. I have sat up till 3am writing this for you, even though I am washed out after having my dialysis. That's the type of guy I am, I mjay have only 10 or maybee more years to live but I still have time for people in distress or in need.

Good luck and God bless you love, and don't do anything daft, if you feel you are then talk to someone quick, don't leave it.

Oh by the way, if you know of any lottery winners or millionairs who could help me getting my life back so that I can have my kidney machine at home, as I have a 60 mile round trip 3 times a week and away for up to 9 / 10 hours sometimes more.

Cheer up girl Bubbles Jimmy LOL xx

Answer 2

I think that you should tell you're doctor how you're feeling when you are depressed even if you are not depressed at the time that you see her, if you want to you could tell her about that bad relationship you had, it might inlighten her to what you're really going through. Have you told her about the self-harming ?, because if you havn't you might want to because it can help to get all of that off you're chest, and self-harming is a sign of serious depression, she will be able to help you more.
PLEASE, don't try and kill yourself, heaps of people around you love you and would be devistated if you achieved it. Trying to kill yourself is another sign of depression. Maybe when you say you cry at the most inappropriate times it's because something around you at that specific time has triggered bad memories.
If you've only been on the tablets for a short time such as a week or two, they might take a bit longer to kick in. But if you've been taking them for more than a month and they are not working then tell you're doctor and she might be able to up you're dosage or give you something else.
Try and think positive, things will only get better if you get the right help that you need

Answer 3

First of all, you need a new doctor (psychiatrist). Any doctor who knows your history, who says you don't suffer from depression, is not the right doctor. That said, I don't know where you live, but try calling an agency who offers services on a sliding scale or who accepts your insurance. Some of these agencies might be Catholic Charities, Family Services or Lutheran Family Services. The psychiatrist does NOT take a religious approach to your needs.

It is possible that you are on the wrong medication. I believe it takes six weeks to know whether or not a medication is working. Secondly, it is a known fact, that medication alone is not enough -- you need to be in talk therapy as well. If you go to an agency, they employ a psychiatrist AND a social worker or counselor. This way you can see both professionals back-to-back, in one visit. You might need to see the counselor weekly and the psychiatrist less often.

It is difficult to work on self-esteem issues when you are depressed. I would try and address the medication need first - and after you know it is working, you can talk with your counselor about self esteem issues. Some self esteem issues stem out of childhood experiences. Counselors are trained to recognize the triggers that may have a part in your depression.

Realize that the number of people who are taking medication - and who are depressed, is HUGE.

I think you may have been depressed before you chose the boyfriend who abused you. Sometimes when we aren't healthy, we make unhealthy choices. Once you are feeling better, you won't be attracted to people who are abusive.

There are groups for people who have been abused. Your counselor will let you know about these support systems when you ask him/her when you go for counseling.

There is nothing in this world that is bad enough to warrant suicide. There are answers to every problem. Sometimes it takes intervention on the part of a professional to uncover the causes of our emotions. Please consider what I have said, and take the first step toward getting better. It does get better, I promise.

Answer 4

First of all... you were not "nearly" raped... you either had sex with or against your will. This issue needs to be dealt with. If you feel you were raped then see a counciler (look on the web for BACP) to find one in your area, or ask your doctor to arrange one. Also speak to a female police officer.

Focus on things that you do like about yourself... do you have a job? what were you good at when at school? What is your favourite music?

Give yourself a goal each week... something easy to start with, and increase the difficulty bit by bit. Put a chart up in your room for gold stars for achievements...

Join some kind of a class... dancing... a language... something at an adult community college (some churches run these too).

It might not be depression you are suffering from, it could be Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, which can have similar symptoms, but are caused in a different way.

I hope you can get your life together, and find some true happiness.

Answer 5

I understand exactly what you are going through.

All antidepresents DO NOT work for everyone so it is a matter of finding which one works for you. If Efexor worked for you then you should go back to the doctor and ask to be put back on that drug.

Like you I also appear happy enough when I am in a public place but what is not realised is that it takes all our strength to make ourselves appear normal in these circumstances.

I am not sure what the options are in your country but where I live it is not unusual to change doctors if we unhappy with the care we are getting. If it is possible to change doctors I would do so until I found one who is more understanding. You are only young and do not deserve to be in such a state so please try to find better health care.

Answer 6

Is your doctor really aware of ALL of your symptoms? Self harming in itself should make a doctor consider serious depression. Effexor is the name given to a drug named Venlafaxine. It is a powerful drug and indicates that whoever prescribed it was concerned about your health. Coming off Venlafaxine too quickly has serious side effects. Crying, sadness,anger could be to do with this. I think you should go back to the new doctor and explain all of your symptoms and that the new drugs are doing nothing to help. Failing that, call one of the telephone helplines such as Sane Line. They will give good advice. Hope you get better soon.

Answer 7

You need to find a different doctor..You said you was a weak person, I don't think so you made it through that relationship ,you survived a mean and abusive relationship, actually that makes you strong, a lot of women don't,sad to say, so give yourself a little credit here..Don't let what happen to you affect the rest of your life..Your young and have a lot ahead of you.It possibly may not be depression it could be your nerves, a lot of times people mistake the two..Why do you want to hurt yourself..Don't let a BOY do this to you..your worth more than that to a lot of people..Go find another doctor or find a support group , anyone as long as you find someone to talk too..I believe your stronger than you give yourself credit for..

Answer 8

It may be a hormonal imbalance. When I started taking Birth Control my moods went from happy to just pissed off in a matter of minutes. It was crazy! Your hormones play a big part in your mood and how you feel. That's what anti depressants are for. They target the "feel good" chemical Seratonin and try to balance it out tricking your brain into feeling good. If I were you I would go to a doctor who deals with that kind of stuff. Here's a link you can go to and take a test to see if it's possible if you have a imbalance of some sort...Good luck sweetie.

Answer 9

During your cycle your body releases a significant amount of Hormones, which usually cause patients to become overly emotional. This is very common. Follow your upcoming cycles, since you've just recently started and see if your body adapts. If you continue to have these same episodes over the next 3-6 months, then speak with your doctor. Often, you can take a low dose anti-depressant right before and during your cycle to help.

Answer 10

I know how you feel I'm dealing with the same thing right now and I'd say the best thing to do is to pray really pray talk to God have a long talk with him and then talk to a close friend work a long with those prays and God will help you though he might not completely dismiss your problem he'll send you some one to help you cope a comforter I hope you find the help you need and make it through this rough patch in your life and remember god is always there for you.

Answer 11

Call it coincidence that I just happened to stumble on your question right at this moment.

You need a friend to talk to. Open up and don't afraid to share what's on your mind. I am a friend.

My brother committed suicide 2 weeks after my father passed away because he was afraid to talk and reveal his true feelings.

I was depressed for several months afterward, but have learned to open up. I realized I could never go down the same path my brother took.

No guy is ever worth crying over if he abused you.