jokes, stories, or something funny that happened to you. Please don't be vulger or gross.
2006-10-04 12:54:04 · 9 answers · asked by me 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Punishment in Heaven
Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.
''Why?'' he asks.
St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.
St. Paul replies, ''When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.'' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, ''Thank God I didn't do anything like that.'' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, ''Why?''
''Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.''
2006-10-04 13:23:55 · answer #1 · answered by shotohell7 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My cat once got out of the third story window of my apartment and jumped over to two roofs away. He realized he was in trouble and started YOWLING. He woke me up and I realized what was going on.
I frantically called the fire department but they said that they don't help cats and I had to call animal control (I lived in Chicago). So, I searched for animal control's # and called them - ALL the while my cat is still YOWLING.........
Animal Control said that they didn't have the equipment to assist me and I should call the fire department back-my cat is still YOWLING........
By this time I was FRANTIC and almost in tears. I called the fire department back and muttered into the phone that my cat was stuck on the roof and I needed HELP!!! They asked my address and said they would be right there.
There...that was better. I yelled to Romeo that help was on the way. He YOWLED in return............
I heard the sirens and went outside to meet the firetruck. A fireman jumps off the moving truck and says, "Where's the kid?" I looked at him sheepishly and said, "Kid??? I said C-A-T."
Well, needless to say they were there, the cat was still YOWLING and there were at least 30 people watching. They couldn't leave my poor kitty up there!
The got the hook and ladder and retrieved my kitty. As the fireman handed him to me he smiled and said, "My wife is NEVER going to believe this!".
All the fireman also got a standing ovation from the onlookers.
2006-10-04 13:09:42 · answer #2 · answered by msnite1969 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this happened to me:
yesterday i was was frreaking out at school telling people "i have to get a shot tomarow! oh my gosh! ahhhh!" someone asks "what is it for?" i say "its a vaccination for aids" "but theres no such thing" she tells me. i spend an entire hour trying to convince these two girls that im getting vacinated against aids. later that day i find out im getting a vaccination for HPV, not HIV! omg!!!! how stupid of me.
my favorite jokes:
yomama so stupid she thouhght fruit punch was a gay boxer (no offensive to your mom of coarse)
and
an american, mexican, and englishman are on top of a mountain when a genie appears
the genie says u have 3 wishes
the englishman says "bird" and jumps off the mountain and flies away
the mexican jumps off the mountain and says "fish" then he jumps off the mountain and falls into a stream bellow
the american trips on a rock and says "crap!"
story:
once a apon a time there was a european
european!!!!!!!!! lol!!!!!!
2006-10-04 13:16:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
um... hello. today we had a sort of "american idol" thing at my skool. where normal students go up in front of everyone and perform for te "judges". my english teacher plays the role of simon and he made rude and mean comments on everyone's singing. it was very funny. like one girl sand a song that had the lyrics, "i miss u" and he said, "well, i'll tell u somethin'- i won't be missing that horrible voice" and then he said to this one girl, "i could tell u put a lot of heart and soul into ur performance, but it's too bad ur heart and soul couldn't sing for your voice, cuz that voice SUCKS!" it was so mean, but so funny. i kno it sounds kinda like, "jerk-ish" but it made me laff today and my day was really bad. i hope u feel better.
2006-10-04 13:05:46 · answer #4 · answered by ♥_mrs.smith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forrest Gump died and was at the pearly gates.
St. Peter said, "Forrest, there are two questions you must answer to enter the Kingdom."
Forrest replied, "Okayyy."
"First question: are there any days of the weeks that have numbers in them?"
"Yes, there are," Forrest replied. "Tuesday, TOday, and TOmorrow."
St. Peter smiled and said, "That's good enough for that one, Forrest. Now the other question is, does God have a name?"
"Why, yes He does. It's Arthur Howard."
"St. Peter was puzzled. "Arthur Howard? Forrest, how do you figure that?"
Forrest looked at him innocently and said, "Our Father, who's Art in Heaven, Howard be Thy name..."
2006-10-04 13:06:49 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you send me your email address I can send you lots of funny emails I get tons everyday..great friends..with wicked senses of humour..lucky me. Cant think of a written joke right now...
2006-10-04 13:03:05 · answer #6 · answered by Lynne B 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
one time i was walking down the hallway and there was a big kid running down the hallway and he tripped and i swear i felt a small earthquake or vibration
2006-10-04 13:05:19 · answer #7 · answered by b_jugde 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
ummmmmmmm hi?my names grieve,i presume you are too,but the only way to laugh is to fart alot,smell that nice aroma hehehe...joke lol.......
2006-10-04 13:00:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
why do gorrilas have big nosterals because they have big fingers
2006-10-04 13:02:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋