my daughter is getting married sept. 2007. i would like to know what is today's etiquette as far as who pays

Question

for what ??? bride's family ? grooms family ? i realize that things have changed through the years. i was married in 1977 and basically the bride's family paid for everything. i've been hearing a lot of conflicting views on this subject. help !!!!!!!!!

Answer 1

These days, it's based on who can help and with how much. My husband and I were married at 23 in 99. We paid for the majority of our wedding. My Mom paid for my dress and his father and stepmom paid for the rehearsal dinner...we paid for the rest.
I think in this day and age, and especially as many couples are older and more 'established' when they get married, it's wrong to expect one's parents to pay for everything.
Do what you are comfortable with and what you can afford.

Answer 2

I'm getting married in March 2007. So far my parents are paying for the majority of the reception, and my fiance's parents are paying for the bar and the rehearsal dinner. My fiance and I are paying for the ceremony and the honeymoon. Based on what some of my recently married friends have done, this setup is fairly common. It is also becoming more common for the couple getting married to foot the majority of the bill. So I guess what I am saying is that whether or not you pay for all of it is up to you. It would be socially acceptable for you to do so, or to allow the groom's family to help out with the bar costs and miscellaneous wedding stuff (such as a rehearsal dinner). Frankly, my parents would have paid for the whole reception (bar and food), but my fiance's parents offered to help out.

Answer 3

Mom open up the pocketbook and be prepared to be broke...lol
My precious daughter got married in May, and I got married in 1980, and things have definetly changed. There are really no and hard fast rules of who pays for what. Some couples pay for the whole thing theirselves, both families can go into together, the bride's family pays for the wedding, the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner.

My husband and I paid for our daughter's wedding. The groom's family did offer to help, because their son's is the one that wanted a big affair. Our daughter wanted a small private wedding, even just go elope. But when my son-in-law told me he wanted to see the love of his life walk down the aisle towards in a beautiful white dress, my heart melted---along with the checkbook! We went with a mid-size wedding. We paid for the everything for the bride, bridesmaids, wedding, and reception.

Our kids are in college, and all the bridal and groom's parties were too. You do not have to pay for the bridesmaid dresses or their shoes. You do not have to pay for anything other what I listed above. That's the usual for these days. We were financially able to pick up the tab for the other kids, and were glad to do so. Oh, Mom photographer, I am so sorry, please spend the money to get a good one. That's the thing, that we got screwed by, the orginial photographer cancelled, and we had to go with another one, and our pictures aren't any better than the one the guests took. So, spend the extra bucks for a good one.

Congratulations! You are going to be a MOTHER-IN-LAW. I love my son-in-law to peices, and we get along great. I call myself Monster-in-law, but he doesn't agree....well, not yet anyways..

God bless us all........

Answer 4

Traditionally, the bride's parents paid for the wedding reception and the groom's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner. However, times have changed. Many young couples save up money and pay for their own wedding. In addition, I know many people who decided to forego a big wedding - instead their parents chipped in to help buy them or put a down payment on an apartment or house. You should really discuss the issue with your daughter so that there are no problems up ahead.

Answer 5

I just got married in June. My parents paid for the wedding. My husband's parents paid for the honeymoon and the rehearsal dinner. This is standard etiquette these days.

However, every situation is different. Some couples are secure enough in their job/career, that they pay for most of the wedding. And some families just can't afford to pay for a wedding. You, as the mother should offer to help out with what you can afford, but don't pay for more than you can handle. You don't need to be in a financial mess because of a wedding!

Goodluck and congratulations to your daughter!

Answer 6

Whoever has the money to pay, pays. If you don't have the money, you can't pay. You might split it between the families, or between the families and the bride and the groom. If you have the money, spend it. If your daughter or the groom want more, they can fund it. Just keep the lines of communications open, and if you end up paying for it, remember to set limits, and remember that you cannot control how she may spend it.

Answer 7

Bride's family pays if they are able. However, if the bride and groom are older or if it's her second+ wedding then they should pay for their own wedding. Also if it would be a financial burden on the bride's family then the groom's family may want to pitch in.

Answer 8

The bride and groom pay for everything, unless other family members VOLUNTEER to pay for some of the expenses. The key word being: volunteer!

Answer 9

My friends and I have all got (or a getting ) married in the last few years, and all of us have paid for it ourselves (with fiance) with contributions from both sides of the family as they could afford. I think the brides family paying for all is outdated and unfair.

Answer 10

Have a sit down with your daughter and future son-in law.
Tell them what you are willing to pay for. Whether it be the whole reception, a per head amount, what ever you want. Then they have to come up with the rest themselves or by asking the groom's family.

I suggest you start the conversation by asking them their vision for the wedding. This way you get a feeling of how much they want you to spend.