please need a lot of help with my mother?please help me i dont want to hurt her fellings but i dont know what?

Question

to do i am going to tell you the most i can so you can help me i have a 2 year old son im married for 3 years and i am expecting my second child for the past 10 month we been living with my mother who lives alone because my father die 2 years ago. My mother is really driving me crazy she dosent respect my privacy sometimes she opens the door and enter in the room without knoking otyher time she makes use of my time without askingme if I can or wnat to do that and thast makes me angry. She dosent care what i think or want i tell her i will not make a baby shower because i prefer to used that money to buy the thingsthe baby need she is planning one a forcing me to help her so i dont feel bad by dont helping her. Im an only child and thats makes it harder for me. I am planning to leave as soon as possible hopefully december she dosent seem to understand that i dont want to live with her she keep bringing on that i stay here and thats boder me a lot because i alredy told her how i feel.

Answer 1

It sounds like you pretty much know what to do; The best thing is to get out and get your own place. In two months it will be a year that you and your family have been residing with your mom, not only do you need your independence, your child and soon to be plural = two kids, need to have a place of their own. You mentioned the Privacy factor and that alone is reason enough for a Grown man to be on his own.

Its completely understandable that you moved in to assist your mom in her/your time of bereavement for your fathers passing.

But like I said A year is a good amount of time; to have stayed and now be ready to leave especially when you say she is always violating your time and space. Yes it is her house, so Yes she does have a right to enter any space within it, however if you were in your own home, you might have more grounds to say something.

I think that you are doing the right thing with saving money for the baby but a shower could also assist with items that could be very well needed and useful. You don't have to throw a big shower, just some Hors Devours and a couple of games (and if money is the issue, you can find free baby shower games & ideas on the internet and the guests can play for fun and not for prize$$).

Everything can be worked out if enough time and thought are put into it. But if you are gonna make your move I suggest that you continue to live on as minimal spending as possible, so that you can leave as quickly as your money allows.

Until then just do your best to be as kind and cordial to your mom as possible (remember you only get one mom), While at least expressing yourself as calmly and respectably as possible about your desire for a little more respect of space & your personal time within your living quarters. Remind her that you are looking to move soon (so that she is NOT Stressed out on your move day) but be true to yourself and stay focused on the end goal of complete independance within your own home, thats really the best thing that you can do for your family right now!

I hope that this information is helpful to you!

Best Regards,

Answer 2

Please,don't be ashame of how you feel that make it seem like ur opinioninated.That's the way you feel don't change it .My daughter's grandmother was like that and I had to tell her about herself and I was staying with her at the time,I hated it,it's like they will not let you breathe.But continue doing what ur doing cuz if u don't she's gonna run all over u and you don't want that.If you don't want a baby shower if she doesn't respect ur wishes then don't attend cuz you asked her not to do it.
So Good Luck Missy

Answer 3

Sounds like she is needing a friend, some one to hang out with take up her time, does she do bingo, or bunko or any of those. Get her involved with something. You may have to do it with her the first coulple of times and get her introduced to people. But with your father being gone and you out of the "nest" She is just feeling alone, very alone. And I agree it isn't your job to fill that void, but maybe help push her in some direction. Maybe volunteering at the local school to read to the kids..... something.

hope this helps

Answer 4

if your old enough to be married and with two children then move out!!! your mother seems like she wants to be in charge because she was probably use to doing everything for her husband and this is her way of couping with her loss, so perhaps let her babysit sometimes or get her a puppy to keep her occupied. you are an adult, and just think about your hubby having to live with his mother in-law. trust me she will get over it.

Answer 5

Its hard living with your parents. I took care of my father for two years and my husband and I lived with him. I think moving out was the best thing for the three of us. After I moved out my dad and I got along a lot better. Good luck to you with your decision.

Answer 6

Hi, I think I know what you are going through. There may be some simple solutions to the minor problems. But the big underlying problem of deciding whether or not to hurt your moms feelings is the doozy. GOT YAH. Lets see if I can help.

I moved in with my 90 yr old grandmother, crossed half the country to do it ( with my newborn), but somebody had to live with her to keep her safe as she gets older. Since it is not our house, certain family members come and go as they please, which bothers the hell out of me because I am so used to my privacy. One cousin seems to think she has the right to open my bedroom door as she pleases as well. The same cousin also has so much to say about what to do with my baby and blah blah blah blah blah..its always something. Truth be told I hate it here, and I do plan on leaving because I think I was bamboozled.

Now, about the door problem. Just lock it. Plain and simple. Don't mention that you are locking it. Just do it. If it comes up when she tries to open the door at some point, then you say, well you werent dressed or you were just tired and didnt want to be bothered. It seems that your mother is vulnerable right now and you dont want to hurt her. ( my cousin is different, if she ever asks why I lock my door now, Im gonna tell her where she can go!! But the point is chances are she wont ask, she'll just get the point from the lock)

As far as her making use of your time, Mom is lonely. Your dad died and understand sweetie she is NOT trying to use your time as much as she IS trying to fill her lonely dark place. But I understand it is taxing you. When she does that just kinda say , " well mom I can't right now," be stern but not a bytch you know. Dont make her cry but show some back bone, or else she'll use you up as much as she can. And you love your mom, so you dont want to make her feel bad, but she has to realize your a grown woman, but she may not realize till you tell her.

Now, as far as the baby shower, Meet her halfway if you can. Like I said, its not neccessarily about you, mom is trying to occupy her time, especially by doing stuff for you. She needs to be needed. Give that to her, and try to appreciate it alittle, if she doesnt want to hear what your thought are on the matter, you gotta be a little more stern. Keep adding a little more bite with your bark till she gets it. But, I understand that you want to use the money more wisely, for stuff for the baby, but consider this, whatever you spend on planning a shower, may come back to you anyway when you add up the cost of gifts and things that you will recieve. There are alot of things that you may be planning to get for the baby, that you will not have to pay for because you will recieve them as gifts. Plus, you will be making your mom feel ok. And, maybe, if you let her plan the whole thing herself, she be too preoccupied to be all up in your butt.

Compramise as best you can sweetie, and realize it may not be that she wants to be a pain in your butt, she may be diminish some of the pain in her heart. Mom wont be around forever, try to enjoy what she has to offer. You dont have to lose yourself in the process if you stay strong in your spot, but older people tend to be wiser as well, she may have some good stuff to offer. Try to curb the animosity and continue to plan for when you leave, but you dont have to throw it in her face, She will just feel as if she is losing someone again. She loves you.

Answer 7

Um, not totally sure I understand the question...but...if you are having problems with living with your mom, just let her know (in a nice manner) that you are an adult and you have a husband and children, and she can't be running your life and telling you what to do. Let her know you appreciate her thoughts and her advice, but if you choose to do it differently then what she wants, she just needs to sit back and let you do it, because you are in control of your own life. Just let her know you love her, but to back off a little bit.

Answer 8

no count what, emotions would be harm. tell the fact, or maybe though happens will ensue. mendacity continually comes back on you, and ends friendships quicker then telling the fact. She would be offended, dissatisfied, harm for slightly. yet reality prevails, and she or he'll recover from it.

Answer 9

just get a lock for a door and really really talk to her. say "i will be out soon so just leave me i need to learn how to be on my own" but don't be to harsh. good luck CHOW!

Answer 10

If you pay fair rent, she is out of line, if not you need to get over yourself.