She's disappointed and hurt that he barely acknowledged her special day. He went to work at a neighbor's house at night instead while she stayed there waiting for him. She's taken him out on his birthday but he doesn't reciprocate. He doesn't believe in giving a card & money either at weddings that he's invited to.
What should she do??? She's 25 and he's 31. They've been going together for 2 yrs.
He doesn't have his own place at his age yet. Lives with a bunch of guys and it doesn't look like he will change real soon in the near future. She'd like for him to start looking for his own space/house but...(?) nothing checking there either(!)
Need some good advice here.
2006-10-04 10:34:02 · 17 answers · asked by hillaryc59bc 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
P.S. Didn't acknowledge last Christmas or birthday for her with any gifts either. She uses her car mostly for their nights out. Sure...he's saving gas there.
2006-10-04 10:36:02 · update #1
He's been IN our house only a few imes in 2 yrs. He likes to spend all of the special days and holidays (she goes with him(!)at his mom's with his own family.
2006-10-04 10:39:53 · update #2
He's always been polite to us. It's not that I don't think any guy is good enough for her "syndrome". She's starting to see certain things now too.
2006-10-04 10:41:47 · update #3
I don't meddle in thier lives... but she's sort of down today. She needs to learn and decide what's best and hopefully things will turn out okay.
Lot's of good feedback from you all and thanks!!
2006-10-04 10:44:19 · update #4
Her boyfriend's family celebrates every occasion. Birthday's & all, and they do party well with enough food, drink etc.
2006-10-04 11:01:15 · update #5
It's so obvious, you are a good and caring mother, to get on here and ask for advice, on your daughters boyfriend. As mother's, we will do almost anything, to assure our children's happiness. There are some things we can fix and some we can't. Your daughter has to decide for herself, if this man, is worth staying with, just by the things you said about him, it seems like she's putting more into the relationship, than he is and that's not right. He barely acknowledged her birthday, which would insult me as a mother, because it's the day, that you brought her into this world. If I were you, I would listen to her and be there for her, but I would not pressure her, into breaking up with him, it could backfire and she would always blame you, for letting him go. If we had any control over who our children date and marry, we would be some very happy mother's, unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. The decision to tell him to shape up or ship out, is totally up to her, this is one decision, she has to make on her own. Like myself, you are a caring and loving mother, who knows no boundarie's, when it comes to your children.
2006-10-04 10:55:49 · answer #1 · answered by A_WWE_FAN_4LYFE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see why youre concerned, but I think its really important to try not to judge him too much here.
People have very different attitudes towards birthdays/celebrations etc, and I think it comes partly from the way that their parents treated such events when they were growing up. For example, my parents hated christmas and were terrible at giving presents and cards. Talking to them about why, it emerged that their parents never made a big deal about these things either. My partner, on the other hand, was raised to be really enthusiastic about these things and his parents celebrated anything and everything. As a result, I am pretty useless about remembering such things whereas he is really good. It isnt an excuse, its just a relevant factor.
The thing is that Im aware that Im crap, and try to make more of an effort. In the case of your daughters boyfriend, he seems to lack insight into how crap he is. I dont think it necessarily means he doesnt care, just that he is a bit thoughtless. Do you know whether his parents made a big deal about birthdays etc?
Also, has your daughter told him how she feels? Some men are terrible at realising when they have upset their partner, so he might not know that she is hurt. Maybe she could tell him gently (and non-aggressively, as then he will just get defensive) that his lack of effort regarding these things bothers her and she would really appreciate him making more of an effort. If he doesnt respond to this, then there is need to worry. On the other hand, if he makes a genuine effort to correct his mistake, then give him a chance.
Regarding the living situation, I know plenty of people who are 30 ish without their own homes. I dont think this is something that you should hold against him. If his attitude is that he isnt interested in getting his own space or settling down anytime soon, and he doesnt care what your daughter thinks, then he is probably not ideal material. However if he is open to the possibility of settling down somewhere with your daughter and being responsible at some point in the next few years, but not necessarily right now, then again give him the chance.
Some people take a long time to reach a stage where they are ready for full blown commitment, but I dont think that this is necessarily a bad thing. It just means they are more sure when they do decide, and therefore the relationship is probably likely to be more secure.
2006-10-04 10:52:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is by no means an educated answer, as I do not know the particulars of the situation. However, I think that your daughter needs to decide how much she wants to be with this guy. They always say you shouldn't try to change people, but he sounds like he NEEDS to be changed. It's a terrible thing not to celebrate the birthday of someone you've been romanticly involved with for 2 years. It's not right, especially since she celebrates his birthday. She needs to set him straight and tell him like it is. Either he gets his act together, grows up, gets his own place, and starts putting in his end of the relationship, or he's out. Relationships are so many commitments put into one word. Emotional commitment, financial commitment, and loyalty commitment. If he cannot take care of her emotionally, who's to say he will be able to provide for her financially. Sure they've only been together 2 years, but looking ahead is what will help her decide whether or not this guy is worth it.
2006-10-04 10:41:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no offense, but shes old enough to make her own decisions about things like this. if you tell her something anyway, 9 times out of 10 shes going to ignore the advice anyway and say but i love him. i am 18 years old, and have an 18 year old boyfriend. the last time i was ever with someone who didnt do anything for my birthday, was when i was 12. ive only had a relationship with 4 people in my whole life, so it wasnt a week to week thing like most teenagers are now. i may be young, but i know for sure i have a respectable boyfriend who treats me right. if he did something like this, there are probably plenty of other things hes doing that upsets her and you may not know about it. you just have to let her do her own thing. she may end it with him once she finally clicks and realizes hes not what she needs, or he may stay with him and put up with everything he does. either way its her decision. you really just need to be there for her to listen and do all that you can. im sure shes a bright girl and she will do what she thinks is best, hopefully for her, not for him.
2006-10-04 10:41:52 · answer #4 · answered by scrappy06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi Pixie76 Hmmm this would be a complicated one in spite of the shown fact that i will furnish it a bypass! beneficial you have each and each ultimate suited to be disillusioned that your boyfriend did no longer carry out a little element on your birthday. ok so he works no longer elementary, gets up early on a daily basis and does not like spending funds on playing cards (wow) yet your birthday in basic terms comes around as quickly as a 12 months and he could have made the attempt to make that day particular for you! it does no longer value plenty for a card the two. Your boyfriend does sound like an insensitive guy or female in spite of the shown fact that some adult men are basically like that! :-/ i does no longer concern too plenty approximately it. If I honestly have been you, i might take a seat him down and clarify to him the way you sense. Be direct with him, no sugar coating. I beneficial do wish he does take you out on Saturday. sturdy sturdy fortune.
2016-12-08 08:29:25 · answer #5 · answered by minissale 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a mother it is hard to tell your daughter get rid of that loser because then she gets mad and its starts something and just trust me I know I went through it with my mom and my current boyfriend. My boyfriend was broke simple as that and we are in our late twenties around the time when you should be getting you act together, well he hadent got there yet but I loved him. We had only been dating a short time though for me and I think if they have been together that long and no gifts or attention has been paid then he is no longer interested. The best thing to do is let her get hurt your words wont help much.(sorry) Or maybe get her friends to help you help her see how much he is hurting her emotionally. Sometime it takes the best friend to open a girls eyes.
2006-10-04 10:41:30 · answer #6 · answered by ask me again 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she chooses to be with him, then I guess she already knows not to expect birthday or Christmas gifts. If she's been with him for 2 years, then I guess she already knows he's not interested in following her big ideas for his own house. She picked him. She's staying with him because she wants to. Being disappointed and hurt is silly- she's PICKED him and knows what he's like.
Tell her: You can't change anyone, you can only change the choices you make.
Don't blame him for not being who she wants-- blame her for sticking with someone she wants to change- and can't.
2006-10-04 10:41:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously he's not that much into her. This is the term used by a renowned psychologist (author of many ooks). But I've forgotten his name. Not Dr. Phil. Your daughter is in for a heart break.
2006-10-04 10:40:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well then he's obv not as commited as her read my boyfriend commited thing too it's a little similar im sorry but i think that thwe boyfriend should always celebrate the anniversarries birthdays and holidays just my opion and the girls too it just shows more respect and especially after 2 years he shouldn't just go to a neighbors house
2006-10-04 10:40:06 · answer #9 · answered by nickiejh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mind Your own business and let your grown 25 year old daughter make her own decisions! My daughter, my daughter, then your daughter should be the one on this page askin the questions! If they get married you're most likely gonna be medling in their lives! Poor kids!
2006-10-04 10:39:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋