selfish??..........?

Question

if i get sick. my mom complains she has to take me to the docter. i'f i get hurt. she tells me it will heal its self.
i've been really struggling.how can i say to my mom i need help with my eating disorder, without her freaking out?
can you help me think of a nice way to tell her?

thanks!

Answer 1

Actually, maybe you should write me. My sister and I grew up with a narcissistic mother (one who turns everything into something about her SELF) and we both ended up with eating disorders.

With this minimal information, my opinion is that your mom will freak out when you tell her you have a problem. She will act like the victim and treat you and everyone else like it's HER problem.

Well, it's not. You need to go to someone else for help and take care of you. Because from my experience, if you try to seek help from someone like your mom, you'll just end up pampering HER and trying to get HER through a "tough time" and your own problem will remain ignored.

I have a jaded opinion, granted...since as I said, I grew up with a similar problem. At least, it SOUNDS similar from the little you've said. Good luck!

Answer 2

A Doctor or another specialist might help you tell your mother. Better try it this way round, if you feel that your mom would probably counteract your attempt to get a cure in the way you described it from the start. Writing a letter is a good idea, because you can repeat and reorganise as often as you need it, and even if you never send it, you will gain a clearer sight of what's going on!

But above all: Understand that you are NOT responsible to spend your life on your mother's comfort and well-being. Your pressured self-denial is part of the root of your eating disorder. Eating too much? - Looking for energy or comfort in the wrong place and way. Throwing up? - Bad conscience, or disgust. Fasting or only eating the "right" stuff? - Will to please, to fit in a scheme, total self-control, being stronger than xy..., aggression, rejection.
Do you find yourself here? Cheer up, you're a typical good girl in the typical trap, but it is not a situation you have to bear like an unchangeable fate.

Be clever and, if possible, tactful, at least didactic, but do dare disturb the fake "peace" in your family, because your disorder only mirrors that there's something totally wrong and that it's time to cure it! Or do you want to die for a lie sooner or later? It's a radical question, but think about it. How much are you willing to pay for things to stay the way they are? How much have you already paid? What did it pay you? --- What do you fear to lose when you get help for yourself and start going your own way? Can you answer the question "what do I wish?" for yourself? If you're having a hard time to allow yourself a list of uncensored desires, it's about time to get help!

In nature, mothers are meant to protect their children. Sometimes they can't, either because they haven't fully grown up, or because they're under pressure from what-/whoever and unable to move. In both cases, usually the weakest members of the family system strive for all they're worth to stabilize the harmony. Call it co-dependency or whatever, it is a vicious circle, and a bad concience or self-accuses for your "selfishness" only serve to keep the spiral going further down.

By the way, if you view self-denial as a religious virtue, keep in mind that it's unfair to count it into the score unless you had a choice to act differently.

This was much input - but it's all gathered from my own experiences and those of friends who got it worse than I.
I wish you the best friends and resources you can find to encourage you on your way to wholeness, and to the allowance to be as you are.

Answer 3

You seem to be too young. Your mother appears to be in some depression. This would make people easily irritated to others actions. If she is not taking care of you she herselves needs some attention from family. show her some care from your side. Help her in her chores.

About your eating disorders. Human body is built to live healthy upto 120 years if maintained as recommended. what is recommended might be your question.

Eating limited healthy food , limited sleep and ample excercise will only keep it healthy. what is healthy food?. Food is good and healthy the more raw it is. So if u eat all junks its an eating disorder.

You know why people get in to this eating junks just they are bored with their lives. Get urselves involved in to something usefull so that your mind is occupied always.

Try not to think negative of whats happening with you. It makes you to pity on yourselves. Try to understand why things are going wrong and evaluate the reasons and if possible solve them.
Moms are always loving and caring. Yes sometimes when they feel neglected they tend to behave like this. Its ok. she will be fine with you.

Answer 4

You could maybe pen your thoughts out. Write it in a letter. Or perhaps you could see a doctor and have the doctor to talk to your mom, to convince her that the disorder could get serious if not given the right amount of concern and attention. Most doctor will be most willing to do so.

God bless.

Answer 5

Well thats a hard one but if she loves you she will sit down and help you out
The best wasy to tell her is to say mom can we talk and then tell her your under a lot of stress and its causing a eating disorder

Answer 6

Hi Moon! If your mother won't take you to the doctor. Please find someone who will. If you are still in school or college seek help from a couseler. You sound like you got a good head on your shoulders, you are very smart. I'll pray you get the help you need Moon. God Bless you with love in your heart and peace in your mind. Hugs! Von

Answer 7

Think of yourself first....if she gives you the fluff again...it's because she really does not understand th extent of your illness...and then get some help by talking to a counselor at school...and ask the counselor to talk to your mom for you...YOu need help before it really gets bad darling...I am sure she loves you but maybe another adult will really sink in

Answer 8

how old are you??
you sound intelligent enough
why havn't you been to the doctor yourself? on your own?

once there they could contact your mum/parents after your visit
take control of your own life
you wouldn't willingly get into a car with a drunk driver,would you?
so don't give control of your life oner to someone else

Answer 9

It seems to me like your mother is having problems of here own, so what I suggest you do is go to your boyfriend for help. Good Luck.

Answer 10

There is no "easy" way to tell her. Just come right out and tell her just the way you told us. Good Luck!