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I took a cruise a couple years ago with my cousin, brother, sister, mom, and dad. I'm now married and my wife and I have been talking about inviting the same people for another cruise, and possibly inviting her mother and brother as well.
It turns out that my cousin is going on another cruise in May, and invited myself and my family to go along. My wife says that because everyone is paying for their own tickets, and because we were going to go on a cruise eventually anyways, we should be able to invite her mom and brother.
I think its inappropriate to invite her mom and brother because we accepted an invitation from someone she doesn't know and is not related to.
Who's right?
2006-10-04 08:45:28 · 19 answers · asked by DougDoug_ 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Your wife is right.
Let me add this since I got a 'thumbs down'!! You and your wife were already planning a cruise where you were going to invite her brother and mother, right? So YOU are the one being rude by not telling your cousin when he invited you that you were already thinking about a cruise with whomever...He then could have said either 'oh that's ok' or 'invite them too'...
Do you want to fork out money for 2 cruises?
2006-10-04 08:48:01 · answer #1 · answered by Alison 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, find out whether the cousin cares. If not, then invite your wife's relatives.
If not, I'm not so sure.
It's a cruise, not a stay at someone's home (where uninvited guests would be a no-no). They don't own the ship, and there are a lot of "uninvited" people going on the same cruise.
It's not like everyone in the party has to be glued at the hip, anyway.
I'd love to know what Miss Manners thinks, but I'd guess she'd come down on your wife's side.
"Invite" does seem to be the wrong concept here, as we're not talking about a host/guest situation, but a public accomodation.
You could go to Miss Manner's site and try submitting your question to her. (She's so sane when it comes to things like this.)
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/10/03/AR2006100301344.html
2006-10-04 21:40:59 · answer #2 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your wife is more in the right. However, your side of the family should be consulted with and asked if it is OK if your in laws come along.
If it were me I'd call your cousin or send a general email out to everyone and explain that you and your wife were already planning a cruise and had intended inviting everyone along with your mother in law and brother in law. Next, say that you would like to accept this new offer and ask if it would be OK if your in laws come along.
Unless for some reason your side of the family and her side of the family don't get along, I can't see why they would refuse. I would think that your mother and mother in law in particular would like to spend some time getting to know each other.
If your side of the family is not OK with your in laws coming along, then just plan your own cruise and don't take anyone else. If you go with her side of the family it will look like you are playing favorites. Plan a cruise all together at a later date.
2006-10-04 16:08:07 · answer #3 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If everyone is paying for their own tickets, then you were invited to go to the same cruise as them. You weren't invited to go with them. I would say something like a cruise invitation is more so you will all be on the cruise together. If someone they don't know, but your wife knows is there, that shouldn't make a difference.
2006-10-04 15:56:36 · answer #4 · answered by Take it from Toby 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A couple of additions to the posts above.
You say that you were talking about 'possibly inviting' your wife's relations. Was that more like 'definite' in your wife's mind? I don't think it really matters though.
If your family doesn't know her family, then of course they didn't include them. Can you possibly change that situation before hand? That would be the best solution, since it reduces/eliminates the not knowing factor. The decision to invite your wife's relations can then be joint, rather than what *could* be seen as your imposition.
If not, then bring it up with your cousin, telling the story about your plans. *Ask* if you could bring your wife's family along -- it would be a great opportunity for them to get to know each other.
It's not a matter of who's right, just interpretations of the situation. Change the interpretations or adjust the situation and the conflict resolves itself.
2006-10-04 16:43:08 · answer #5 · answered by The angels have the phone box. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FIRST ask the cousins if they are ok with inviting your wife's parents..do NOT ask her parents UNTIL u talk to your cousins:
1) if they say yes - Yay!
2) if they say no
a)- discuss with your wife if she is ok with postponing the cruise w/ her parents, and DEFINITELY planning one for another time...
b)- refuse the invitaiton politely, saying u promised to take her parents on a cruise (u already went with YOUR family 2 years ago)
remember, traveling is time sensitive, not many people can afford time or money to go on cruises every few months. so it may be more convenient to be able to ask her parents..also u have to rememer that All ur family is going...she wants hers to be included too...is that so wrong? and it is true, if u are paying for ur own tickets, WHO's gonna stop her parents from buying tickets to the same cruise thier own daughter will be? =T
2006-10-04 16:04:42 · answer #6 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It all depends on how well they get on together. Why not go with the cousin and your family in May. Then go on another vacation somewhere else with her family. Does it have to be a cruise all the time?
2006-10-05 12:06:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if everyone is paying their own way then why not have them come along great way to interduce everyone. In this case inform your cousin that the wife's parents are going to come along as well since you already had plans to take one with them it gets done with one shot. Plus weren't you going to invite all those people with you and your wifes family anyways??? It only makes sense
2006-10-04 17:34:06 · answer #8 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you would be fine to invite the fam...If you are concerned about offending, then ask the cousin, and explain it the same wasy you explained it to us. Find out what he thinks. Just because you are goin g on the same cruise togerther, does not mean you are tied at the hip.
2006-10-04 15:56:12 · answer #9 · answered by MC 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The invitation was to you and your wife, not her relatives. It would be rude to invite her relatives. This is sort of like being asked to attend an elegant dinner party and then you bringing an unexpected guess who is wearing blue jeans (with hoes) and a tee shirt.
You could simply turn down the invitation with your cousin and plan a trip with your wife's relatives.
2006-10-04 15:57:30 · answer #10 · answered by William T 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋