I don't know what to do about my boyfriend - PLEASE HELP!?

Question

My boyfriend & I have been dating for 4 yrs. I love him &I know that he is the one for me. My boyfriend has not graduated college he's about 24 years old. Since I've know him he was in college but just didn't show up to classes. I guess he was being lazy and distracted at the time. He would party a lot and just not show up to class. For the past 4 years we have been together he only attended two semesters at a community college. One of those semesters was awesome he got a 3.6. (I'm def not doubting my boyfriend's intellgence here, he's extremely smart, and very well read.) 2nd semester was not so good, he didn't go to any classes and did not take any of the exams. He was depressed that he had to go to a community college and not a univ. Well finally he got into a univ , (he was working full time, now it's down to part time. I've noticed that he's not going to classes, he scored poorly on his first two exams (D,F). He's finally where he wants to be, why is screwing it up??

I have talked to him, he said he's going to try harder at school, but he's still missing classes, and going out and hanging out with friends late into the night instead. do you really think this is lost cause, should i just move on? i won't be happy unless he has a degree and has a good job. he has a decent job right now, but it doesn't pay that much at all, and even he is not happy with the money he is making, and he totally understands that to get a better job he needs a college degree, i don't knwo what to do. how can i motivate him?

No it's not that the University if harder, he's definetly capable of handling high level stuff. He should have gone to a Univ in the first place, but couldn't afford it. His SATs were a 1200, and his writing is amazing. I think he's lacking motivation.

Answer 1

Ummm someone came into my thread where I was asking for advice about my bf and said the same thing crys said. What the hell?

Anyway, to be honest with you I was just like your boyfriend at one point. Pretty much everything you said about him has been me over the years. I'm not 26 and will FINALLY be graduating college to be a teacher in a year. Sometimes people just need to take their own pace when it comes to school. Maybe he could go for one or two semesters then take one off and then start again. Maybe he has some kind of depression that is not being addressed and he is in self-destruct mode? That is a possibility too. You need to sit and talk to him and tell him what you told us (that he is very intelligent and quite capable of graduating). Also you might want to mention that he doesn't want to work a crappy job for the rest of his life (not saying he has a crappy job but I'm sure he can do a lot better with a bachelors or masters).
I hope you are able to reach him!
Good Luck

Answer 2

He is way too much into partying. What you need to do is lay off on the pressure that you are putting on him. Also, you should talk to him and find out what he wants to do with his life if he doesn't get a degree. Remember college isn't for everyone and having no degree isn't the end of the world. Many of the millionaires that we read about dropped out of high school. He is 24 and needs to start thinking of his future especially if it is with you. Your bf should know how lucky he is that you care for him. Otherwise if your not satisfied after the talk then dump his partying ***. He might wise up.

Answer 3

I know it sounds weird, but some people have a deep-seeded fear of success. I am that way and his situation sounds eerily familiar to me, even as far as doing well for a quarter then letting it all go down the crapper. I am a big picture person and also have a hard time doing anything little by little. It all comes down to being able to control the frustration associated with not having immediate results, i.e. I do well for a quarter then have to go and do it again??? Are you kidding me??? I know it sounds ridiculous. I have only recently realized my issue comes from some bad things that happened in HS and having those feelings associated with my current schooling (and I am now 30) so it is a fear of being able to endure all the crap I have associated with school in my past. It's like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop even though consciously I know it's not going to happen. I would say ask him what HS was like for him. I bet money he had some tough times with other kids, teachers, whomever.

Answer 4

MAYBE BECAUSE IT TOOK TO LONG FOR HIM TO GET THERE AND NOW HE MAY BE REALIZING THAT THE UNIV. IS MUCH MORE HARDER THAT A COMM. COLLEGE. THEY BOTH EXPECT DIFERENT. DO YOU HAVE HIS BACK. JUST GIVE HIM THAT EXTRA SUPPOT THAT HE FEEL THAT HE IS NOT GETTING AND WORK FROM THERE. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY REMIND HIM TO PUT GOD FIRST IN EVERYTHING HE DOES.

Answer 5

sounds like you got yourself a real looser there. he's a lazy party animal, either be content to live with that forever or move on

Answer 6

sit down with him and tel him what u are telling us here. then make him see, u care about him to show him what his potential is, and ask him what he wants to do with his life. ppl do get distracted everynow and then

Answer 7

just talk to him; since whats going on

Answer 8

it's no longer exciting to him. he's struck on a rut. i was like that before. i don't know what i wanted. but you need to let him find it out himself. ask him, what does he want to do.

Answer 9

that's odd because i would tihnk since he's where he wanted to be he would put more effort....maybe it's his work...babe just talk to him ok...explain it like u did right here! good lcuk!

Answer 10

he is a smart
loser is my guess.