why do people say"to have loved and lost than never loved at all" is good?

Question

Why do people say that because it hurts so much when you let someone you "really love" go, so why do humans crave this sensation called love and why does it hurt so much, not only emotionally but physically as well? I mean I keep feeling the heartaches for the same person after I tell myself that "life goes on and I should really let go". Also, is there such a thing as "the one" because I am really not sure anymore and if I want it bad enough what do i have to do to get that person back. If anyone can answer my question I would be awfully pleased because I am so torn inside right now. I know I have a lot of questions.

Answer 1

The saying is suggesting that missing that feeling of being in love would be worse that not missing the heartache of loss.

Now with respect to your question about why we crave that feeling...


I believe this "in love" feeling you say we crave is what we refer to as Romantic love as oppossed to Real love" The difference between "romantic love" (that FEELING of being IN LOVE) and "real love" (an emotion we might have that is truly ABOUT someone else), is where your "crave" answer lies. The vast majority of humans are hard wired to feel strong (emotional and physical) attraction to members of the opposite sex. Usually we feel these attractions toward those people we (usually unconsciencly) believe to be the best choices for us to mate with. Yes, the feeling of being "in love" is a DNA based trick our bodies play on us to ensure the survival of the species. That DNA trick is why, more often that not, that euphoric feeling of being "in-love" disapates for both parties.

If you're feeling "crazy" about the other person, if you can't think/work/sleep or hang out with your friends without constantly thinking about the other person, if you're feeling very "Romeo and Juliet" about the situation, then at that moment your body is winning a battle with your mind. So it's not so much that we, as you put it crave being in love, as it is we're being human animals and are being controlled by our DNA. We have the instinctual NEED to feel "in love" (which often leads to procreation and the next generation of humans), just like we have the instinctual NEED to eat or breathe or sleep. Deny yourself food, air, or sleep and you'll eventually get to the same point you do when you're 'in-love", what you're missing will be all you can think about.

That is not to say that all the love we feel for someone else is our body's push to procreate. It is possible to feel emotional, non biological based love for someone. That's the kind of love that not about how pretty the other person is or how sexy or how "hot" or "crazy" they make us, but is instead the feeling that is based in respect for the other person and a TRUE feeling of "wanting the other person to have what they want, more than wanting them to have what we want for them".

Here's an EASY way to tell the difference. Biological attraction (feeling "in-love" witih someone, INFATUATION is another word for this) is about POSSESSING the other person. Having them around you all the time, having them LOVE you and no one else, wondering what they are doing or who they are with when they are not with you. It is a SELFISH feeling, a WANTING something from the other person feeling. Real LOVE is all about GIVING and ENABLING the other person. Wanting them to have or do what they want to have or do.

We THINK we love the feeling of being in love because feeling that has developed over the course of human evolution, just like walking upright, as a means of continuing the survival of the species. That's why we FEEL that so strongly. That's why heartbreak hurts SOOOO much. We can also feel love for the other peson.

Lastly, you asked if there was really such a thing as "the one". My answer would be absolutely NO. Lot of people experience that craving you're asking about many, many times in their lives. As I said above our brains are hard wired in such a way that we really don't have much choice about it. I guess it is possible for someone to believe they have lost "the one" and then shut themselves off to other possibilities, but that is not what nature intended. Usually what happens, after we lose someone we cared about we do one of two things, we either allow ourselves to learn something from the previous relationship and we eventually end up in a relationship that is better than the last, or we don't learn anything and we end up in the same relationship. Also, if you allow yourself to believe you're with "THE ONE" and only, then how could be NOT be scared all the time of losing that person and that would make you less attractive to them. The truth is when you realize that you control you own happiness you'll realize that you are probably compatible with literally thousands and thousands of "the ones".

Answer 2

Ok, first of all - you know that feeling you get when you first fall in love? Isn't it wonderful? Can you imagine having NEVER felt that? That's what that saying means - when you get older, you'll realize how true that statement is. To have been able to experience that incredible feeling of love, is certainly better than never having felt it. I KNOW it hurts to lose someone, I know too well. But - you need to realize that you CAN feel it again, with someone new! It sounds as if someone broke your heart. Yes, there definately is such a thing as "the one." But be careful as to whom you might think is "it". That's how you get your heart broken. It takes a lot of heart aches, before "the one" shows his face. If someone has "dumped" you, your feelings are not on a light switch where you can just shut them off. It's normal to still feel the heart ache even months later. BUT, don't try to win that person back! Especially if they hurt you. Keep yourself really busy - with friends, hobbies, family, etc. and try your best to make NEW friends. You will find that over time, it will get easier. If you constantly try to figure out ways to win this person back, your only dragging out the pain. Come to the realization that you are a good person, attractive, fun, with a great personality - because if you don't believe that, you can't expect anyone else to! And soon, you'll have another love in your life! "Love is like a parachute - it lands where it wants, when you least expect it."

Answer 3

It's hard! I'm going through the beginings of breaking up with my boyfriend, he told me "I think we're falling apart." The way I look at things is that -everything happens for a reason- You weren't supposed to be with him. There is someone better out there for you who will treat you like you deserve. In the mean time, think about how we're still young, how there is someone out there waiting for you, Loving is a great feeling an experience and if you didn't feel loved you would never be hurt.

Relationships is a lot of work, you will always have bad days and good days. It is constant work, but if you are best friends, you can get over the humps.

Answer 4

I am going through the same situation now. I know that it will get better, though. You should believe that, too. People say that because experience is the best teacher. You learn SO MUCH from relationships, whether good or bad. These things will give you wisdom and you will be able to handle situations better throughout life having gone through them.

I don't necessarily believe in "the one". I believe that there are several people in the world that you can live happily ever after with. You just have to use the experiences you go through to help you find that person.

Good luck and I know you will feel better soon!!! Keep yourself busy and know that you will be okay!!!

Answer 5

Humans have corrupted what love really is. Love is unconditional and always giving. To love and lose is better because giving and not needing is the most rewarding experience on earth, and when you honestly love without condition you realize losing is not the end of the world. It should hurt a little, but the real pain comes from needing love. If you need them in your life to be happy, your security and happiness rides on them and regardless of how great that person might be, it is entirely out of your control. So true love is tending to his or her needs and not yours. Ego Love is requiring something back from your lover and when you don’t get it or they split, Ego Love is what makes us hurt. Being a person that has no requirements to be happy is the absolute best way to be happy and experience absolute true love.

Answer 6

Love is the strongest sense of joy for the heart. Use it to feel all of life. And capture your emotions on the scale of all man kind. The fear of facing all of your desire. The love is there to fill the heart.The fire of the heart burns for ever. The chances to come, take it and live to learn. The stories of the heart lead to the trajadies of life. Life is exciting that way. Remeber we must get hurt. Life is enormous. Take the chance to see the fate that you could never believe could be lived.

Answer 7

It means at least you can feel something instead of nothing. It is an arguable proposition at best, because love can really do a mind job on you. But if it makes you stronger, you might just find that "the one" is still in your future and not in your past.

Answer 8

As much as you love this person, you need to love yourself more. You can't change anyone. You can only be the best that you know how to be and hope that eventually you will meet someone who appreciates all that makes you who you are.
I know that it sucks. I wish that we could just turn our feelings off sometimes, but it is never that easy.

Answer 9

style of like.. is it extra valuable to be male or lady. not making plans on having a intercourse exchange i can basically answer from one point of view. for this reason nonetheless, it rather is risk-free to declare that those have fallen in love weren't in love in simple terms before that, so i anticipate they have the earnings there whilst it consists of assessment. i might say nonetheless, that if love is to be suggested as an universal constructive adventure it rather is extra valuable to have experienced it than by no potential in any respect.

Answer 10

Just pray and wait my dear. I'm going through the same thing with me and my ex. We've been broken up for about a year now and I still got the hots for him. I just say:: Move on with your life; If he really loved you he'll come back