i recently got married. and until i did..this chick was so incredible i loved everything about her. her personality, looks,...the whole freakin packcage. i bragged about her to everyone and of course....intiiated the proposal.
ever since i said "i do" i have been so over the top, wanna slit my own throat repulsed by this woman that i cannot bear waking up another day next to her without something to throw at her (a shoe, an apple, a hammer, whatever). anyways...some days i sit at work and seriously think about jumping out the window right next to my desk, i have made a terrible mistake and dont realize how stupid i was. the sex aint even good. what do ido???
2006-10-04 05:51:48 · 24 answers · asked by barnabus finkle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Go see a marriage counselor. What has changed?
2006-10-04 05:55:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
whoa, that's a loaded question. Don't know what exactly it was that suddenly made you repulsed, but it must have been something. When we are dating, we are always putting our best foot forward. We don't know, really how well a person makes a meal or keeps a house, or small details like putting a lid on the toothpaste, or keeping the toilet lid down, yet stuff like that can be really irritating.
Parents tolerate children, but children don't tolerate one another. What I mean by that, unless you lived on your own for a long long time before you married, is that parents put up with your habits, they've gotten used to you. There's a certain expectation that you have of one another as you are growing, which takes years and years of interaction and becomes ingrained habit.
When you start out to make a home with a total stranger, you suddenly find yourself back at the beginning, at square one, so to speak, and it is difficult, very difficult. However, it is not impossible to overcome.
You just have to decide whether or not you are committed. It's as simple as that.
Another factor to consider is this: when people marry, once they've gotten the person they were after for so long, they feel no urge to take care of themselves as much. They've already gotten what they were out to get. So, you may be suffering from that feeling people get when they climb the mountain and look around. "Is that all there is?" The only choice is to go back down the mountain.
The sex part, um, not sure exactly what sort of problem you may be experiencing there, but if you are turned off by her in the first place, I'm sure that the rest is forced. I don't really have any advice for this. I'm not an expert. I can tell you what turns me on, (as a woman) and that's kind gentle remarks. Weird, I know, but true. There are many many games that men and women play here. You may have to go to the library for some information on this.
2006-10-04 13:05:52 · answer #2 · answered by Shinigami 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first off sweetie, you sure as hell aint jumping out of the window or committing suicide on yourself. That will just give her the satisfaction and if you have a life insurance policy make her a rich beyotch lol...but on a more serious note...if you honestly dont feel like you can talk to her and tell her how you're feeling to work things out, then it's time to go see a lawyer and file for a divorce. If you don't believe in a divorce take some time apart and seperate so that you can get yourself back together because it sounds as if you about to lose it...if she doesnt understand why you can't stand her, you need to let her know whats bothering you because she's not a mind reader. Maybe what she needs is a swift kick in the azz to bring her back to reality. Remind her that once she took the vows to love honor and cherish it didnt include driving you to your death bed. Hopefully things work out and best of luck to to.
2006-10-04 13:23:25 · answer #3 · answered by bebechinadoll_01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are three sides to every story, yours , hers and the truth. I have always found that once I commit to a lady I notice things wrong and I get petty.Unfortunately it can become so bad that I will lose her or nearly before I wake up and then it may be too late as I have driven her away.If you are feeling like you have described towards her then you are definitely letting her know .Obviously you are also treating her differently than you did so now you need to wonder what came first. Did you start to second guess you relationship causing her to react ? Maybe she second guessed her decision also and if might have been temporary but you have over reacted and that just confirmed to her the second guessing was right . What I am saying is maybe you do need counseling , maybe it's not exactly what you think , maybe it's really a misunderstanding and things just snowballed and you need some objective opinions.The fact is you are in a situation now and the both of you need to swallow your pride and take some blame .go talk to someone before it is too late.
2006-10-04 13:07:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
And why did you get married? Is it that she changed her behavior so much or is it that you're feeling simply trapped? How long did you know her before you married? How old are you both?
Take a step back and slooowww down. Address the issues you have one at a time. Determine if the issues are "mine" or "ours." Talk to her about the ones that are "ours." As far as the sex goes, it takes two to make it good, work on it. You've got to start communicating to her in an open and honest way. Things will only get worse if you don't. Do you really want to head to divorce court without giving it a good try? You married her for heaven's sake.
Good luck!
2006-10-04 12:58:44 · answer #5 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dang buddy. I feel for you. I can't say that I've had this happen to me. God knows I've had just about every other female nighmare tho.
You have only one choice......you've gotta divorce her, or try and haul her to counseling.
What is it about her that has changed so drastically? Is she cheating or anything underhanded like that? Is she a nag? Does she whine incessantly? What?
How long had you known her before you got married? Deos SHE still seem happy?
Sorry that I seem to have more questions for you than answers, but like I said, if you are that unhappy you need to leave or try to get counseling going for you both, or at least for yourself.
Best of luck to you.
2006-10-04 12:59:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I bet it is a case of cold feet after the fact. You can't undo it (you could get a divorce, sure, but what does that solve if you ver want to get married again?) so why not figure out what is going on and fix it, even if it means counseling.
2006-10-04 12:59:59 · answer #7 · answered by randyken 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow you are in a pickle...i definately wouldnt jump out the window but you need to get the heck out of there before you go bonkers so just pack up and leave a mistake is a mistake move on
2006-10-04 12:54:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You blew it dude. The sad part is she may not feel the same as you. You need to find out from her and hopefully she feels the same way about you now. I can imagine she doesn't exactly feel you are the prize she was hoping for also.
2006-10-04 12:56:59 · answer #9 · answered by Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a divorce. It won't be the easiest of things, but you don't want to live unhappily for the rest of your life. Get out before you have kids, assuming there's none in the picture yet.
2006-10-04 12:54:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Okay, deep breath! Now, what changed? What's brought about this total revulsion? Have you tried marriage counseling? Does she feel the same way about you?
2006-10-04 12:55:32 · answer #11 · answered by kja63 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋