I have tried to be a friend to them, and support them. But I will not cover up their mistakes or protect them from their Dad. They have quit talking to me because I support him on house rules. They want to be able to do what they want when he is not around. They argue with me when I remind them about being home on time, and say it is none of my business. I talked to him about this and he got angry at them and now I am the bad person. Should I just ignore them too? Or should I apoligize and just turn my head when they are doing wrong things?
2006-10-04 05:38:54 · 27 answers · asked by Ellyn 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
They are 14 and 16.
2006-10-04 05:41:18 · update #1
I have been with them for 6 years.
2006-10-04 05:42:12 · update #2
I do love them
2006-10-04 05:42:44 · update #3
DO NOT let them walk all over you, Stay strong, they are just trying to tear you down. My step daughter is 7 and she plays those games with me too, thinking she will get away with all sorts of crap when its just me around. They probably dont hate you, they just wish they could get away with whatever they want. Stay strong. Good luck
2006-10-04 05:43:36 · answer #1 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally never walked all over my step-dad, but I probably would have if I had a step-mom. I say that b/c I see her as more of a 'threat' than a step-dad.
It is my thought that they are simply (like many others have stated) trying to tear you down (so to speak). There may also be other factors that aren't known (to me) to be able to answer more correctly.
For example; would you consider the age difference between you and your husband something that they would be offended by? Or, does your husband sometimes talk to you or treat you in the same ways his children do?
Also remember....every mother (step or not) usually has problems with their teenagers....I read today in an email...
Mother's of teenagers now understand why some species eat their young....
harsh...but true...
2006-10-04 07:06:04 · answer #2 · answered by Heart of Plat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should look the other way you are doing the right thing don't let them run all over you they have to respect you just as much as they respect their mom and dad you are the other adult in the house and you deserve your respect I think it great that their dad is backing you up. Kids especially teenagers like to divide and conquer and it sounds like thats what their trying to do. No you are not a bad person and don't go against your husband because that will create problems between the two of u.
2006-10-04 06:05:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have stepchildren so I know where you are comming from ! Let me tell ya, step kids will do anything and everything that they can just too see how much they can get by with. But if you think about it...Don't all kids? yes, they do. I think step kids KNOW that you want their love, and want their approval and etc..so of course they want too see exactly how far you are willing too go too get it..I treat my step kids the same way I treat my own kids, I show no difference in them. When my husbands daughter tried doing things and I found out, she wanted me too NOT tell her dad, when she thought she could say something too get me into trouble with her dad, she ran and told him..I just sit her down and told her that her dad and I based our relationship on honesty and Trust ,without that there wouldn't be a relationship.So I told her that I would never keep anything from her dad when it concerned his children or mine. And I let her know that no matter what she told her dad that she had found out about me, He probably allready knew so I just said..go for it..lol..yes, she was pissed for a while but now we have a good relationship, and she comes too me with her problems and etc..It may take a while but hang in there and never ignore your step kids, and please don't ever just "turn your head" when they are doing wrong things. They will come around eventually and if they don't at least you can always say truthfully that you tried your best.
2006-10-04 05:55:52 · answer #4 · answered by Rose T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right things..... If you give into them, they will ride over you in a heart beat... And if you go against your husband rules, then you are trouble with him... Just tell them that you are not treating them any other way than you would treat your own. That should get the talking (and yelling) started. This will clear the air and you are all on even ground then.... Good Luck.
2006-10-04 05:44:03 · answer #5 · answered by wallcritter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you are the step parent and you should be treated as such...they seem to not have much respect for you...i think it goes alot deeper than this....step kids usually don't get along with the step parents...and most of the time the absent parent may play a part in it it...however the children may think you are trying to take their mom's place...so they feel the need to disrespect you they want to deal with you only from a distance...and if they had it their way they wouldnt deal with you at all...thats why their giving you a hard time...something is lacking in your house hold...and i think it's communication....i just see this as a situation where doors are being slammed...on a daily basis, what i think should happen....is a family meeting so you guys could get down to the bottom of this...and find out why it's so much animosity in the house hold....i don't think the dad is being too firm with them, because they continue to do as they please... but you shouldnt care if they ignore you long as they don't put their hands on you...all you want is the respect that your entitled too...so what they don't like you but they need to respect you...they are children up under you...you are the adult....what ever happen to respecting our elders...you need to take care of this a.s.a.p cause it's just going to continue....*good luck*
2006-10-04 06:12:53 · answer #6 · answered by tanya m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now is the time to become even more involved in their lives. I have a 17 y.o. stepdaughter who is incorrigible and believe me its no fun being the "evil stepfather." But, you have to show a strong presence. Continue to talk with your spouse. Communicate everything to him. Together, you can deal with the children. Under no circumstance however should either of you disagree with one another on the discipline. Remain united in that aspect and the children will soon respect what you say/do. Hang in there and stay strong.
2006-10-04 05:55:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
At that age they don't think about the details, if you have been with them for six years then, i'd figure its just a stage associated with changing hormones, my ten year old is already starting to show the signs too. Stay firm on those house rules and thank your significant other for standing firm with you. they'll understand and appreciate it more when they are older. Good luck
2006-10-04 05:48:04 · answer #8 · answered by angie g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't apoligize and let them get away with it. I did and said horrible things to my stepmother but she always stood her ground. Now even though her and my dad are now divorced I can say that she helped me alot. All kids need guidance and as long as you and your husband talk and keep talking sooner or later they will come around. It's not going to be easy though but stand your ground. Good Luck!! I know from what I've done your going to need it :)
2006-10-04 10:21:12 · answer #9 · answered by Samantha O 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have tried, thats all you could do and if they still are this way, then still continue to remind them of the rules. And if they dont like it, tough. You already see that you cant be friends with them, so forget it. Just let the dad deal with punishing them.
2006-10-04 05:59:36 · answer #10 · answered by baby_luv 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋