Why is it that everyone assumes that single moms try to keep the father out of their child's life?

Question

It is angering me to no end. Anytime a single mom asks advice about a situation with her child and ex, everyone acts like they are committing a sin and purposely keeping the father away. Obviously two parents are better for a child, but it doesn't always work that way. Of course a father has rights to see his child, but what about a father who has given up opportunites when they are presented, then demands to have everything his way, one who has always done his own thing and not given two sh!ts about being responsible for his child, always leaving it up to someone else? What about a father who acts like you are keeping him from his child when you simply set boundaries, due to his past behaviors, when he has shown time and time again that his only interest is to get back with the mother, when she wants nothing to do with him, but will get along with him and deal with it so he can visit with his child?

What about a father who plays nice in hopes of getting something from it, and turns back into the normal @sshole once he doesn't, and decides to either stay away or cause trouble? Mind you, someone who only offers money to go towards his child, only when he thinks it will benefit him. Not because it is his responsibility as a parent, no, that would be such a silly concept!

And yes, I'm venting and raving because I've done nothing but be responsible and take care of my child on my own, expect nothing out of the father, and still have to deal with unnecessary bull. I wish he was one of those fathers who would just disappear. No influence in this case would be the better influence.

DAVE - I'm talking to a "bunch of bozos" like you because its more effective than talking with the father. You can only try so much, before realizing that some people are just plain stupid and ignorant... and that you will never get them to understand and compromise.

Answer 1

Its mostly men who think this about other men. Dead beat dads ever admit their dead beats, so they tell each other the mother is this awful women who wont let them see their children. Sad as it is all men believe this, just like the new women believes the guys ex wife was over spending, complained a lot, didnt take care of the kids. Truth be told men dont see their children because they dont want too or they would take the mom to court to insure they could.

Answer 2

Oh my! A little pee'd off are we? I can't say I understand what you're going through, and, hopefully, I never will. I have many friends who have gone thru divorce and actually have a great relationship with their ex and even have joint custody. It works well for them.

As a child of divorced parents, I think you're probably right that it's easier for you if the ex would just leave and not "fight" for the kids. That's what happened to us. (I have 2 brothers.) It wasn't easy that my father left us or my mother, but in the long run, it was easier than dealing with a messy divorce. He, however, didn't offer child support or anything for that matter (not even b-day or x-mas cards.) My mother eventually mustarded up enough courage and money to fight for support. He gave $75 week. (Yes, you're reading correctly. 3 children and only $75 a week, and yes, he was the one who worked while my mom stayed home (until the divorce). Anyway, I ended up in counseling due mostly to the fact that my father left us, and I felt unwanted and was very jealous in relationships and controlling. I was told I was like that because of feeling the lack of control when I was a child. That's all behind me now. And even though my mother NEVER spoke negatively about my father, I don't see my father and hope I never do!!

My husband, however, also from a divorced family had the opposite problem where both parents wanted them. He was only around 8 or so and was dragged into court and was actually asked who he wanted to live with. How awful for a judge to ask a child to choose between parents! Anyway, he still gets along with both his parents.

I don't know if any of this info has helped, but I am speaking of how things looked when I was the child going thru the divorce.

Answer 3

OMG I feel ya honey. Just don't let anybody give you a line of bull like that. The majority of single moms would love for thier fathers to be in the lives of their children. Unlike Dad's Mom's usually do waht is best for the child which would mean to KNOW his father. But like you said they are there to get a piece and when it doesn't happen they turn into the assholes they really are. Thankfully I now have a great honey who is there for his child and the as*holes child. All you can do is what you've been doing because unless you want your child to suffer there is not much you can do to change the situation. If the father is a cmplete loser and has a drug or abuse issue then you can keep him away otherwise he deserves to know his Daddy. It sucks but hey you've put up with it for this long has to get easier. At least I hope so for both our sakes. Finding a new man did help me. Got the other one to back off. It actually took awhile cuz at first he got worse but my honey told him the way it's gonna be and it worked so far.

Answer 4

Well, I have a worthless Ex who has not attempted to contact my child or me in more than 3 years. He pays no child support because he doesn't work, he is strung out on prescription drugs
and has been nothing but a constant disappointment in my daughters life when he was participating. People will assume what ever they want, as long as your intentions are to do what is best for your child you are doing the best you can. It is exceptionally hard to make excuses for someone who is consistently behaving badly without regard to how their child feels. If your Ex cannot respect those boundaries in order to be a positive influence in your child's life- obviously his interests do not lie with the best interest of his child.

Answer 5

adulthood isn't in line with age. whether the professionals and cons. Are kind of one sided. I recommend there is none. You get pregnant, you have the drama if any with the daddy. somebody has to artwork for that infant to stay. it truly is complicated to artwork while your pregnant. i could no longer make it for the duration of the morning ailment and had to end whether i develop into married and had sufficient coming in to assist me and my husband in basic terms no longer a baby. We had to pass on WIC. yet besides, then you certainly've the being pregnant itself. Going to the physician, making waiting for infant. it is not low-priced. We spend approximately $two hundred a month on formulation (or a minimum of thats what we'd if WIC did no longer pay for it) except you breast feed. And daipers are a minimum of $60 a month! it somewhat isn't counting each little thing else you like. Then after the child is born, you will desire to shelter him, pass to artwork, save up the homestead. there is daycare it somewhat is expensive. yeah optimistic there is family First yet i do no longer in easy terms like the assumption of my husband paying money out so youth could have little ones! then there is elevating the youngster and college. it truly is a difficulty. Watch teen mom on MTV you will understand. Even I discovered it truly is complicated for me I have been given ill some days in the past and if it weren't for begging my mom again over and help I had no one to assist me shelter my son so i develop into thinking to call an ambulance because of the fact i develop into puking at an identical time as attempting to feed my infant and that i could no longer do it. So think of earlier you get pregnant

Answer 6

because the men have lost the control factor. it's an easy way to explain why they are too lazy to make the effort to be responsible. no man says, i have a kid, but i really don't want to be responsible. (can you imagine the kind of reaction he's get??)
and yes there are women out there that use custody as a control factor. and these women are the only ones that get talked about. i mean, human nature. we really only communicate when something is not going our way, hence why no one hears of separated parents actually getting along.
so it sucks doesn't it? and who gets to suffer? the kids. so all you can do is hope and pray when that child gets older and can see things from an adult perspective, he won't hold it against you later.

Answer 7

I agree with whay you are saying. When I was growing up, my parents got divorced and I stayed with my mom. My dad for the same reasons as you just listed always tried to get back into our lives only when it was convenient for him. He tried it mostly with waving money around, which did not work for me. Raising a child by yourself as a single woman is defenitely a hard thing to do and a lot of people do not realize it until they are in that situation themselves. As a mother you have to do what is best for your child.

Answer 8

Because in a great number of cases, one or both parents try to use the child for personal gain, never thinking of the wellfare of the child.

No matter what my ex ever said or did to me, I NEVER said anything to my daughter to put her mother in a bad light.

Some folks just can't let go.

Answer 9

OK i think that you shouldn't care what anyone else thinks your the mom and there is a reason you have custody and who cares what any one thinks. i am 15 years old and my parnts go devorced when i was 7. my dad was the biggest alchoholic and druggie. my mom said we could visit him if he stopped he said he did but didnt. he started wanting more visits and my mom said ok but set time limits he didnt follow. there is a whole lot more to this story and it is very similar to your situation... the reason i told you this was i loved my dad and all but he started getting worse with child support, visits and every thing.... my mom gave me and my sister the choice when we were old enough to understand and i thank my mom for that its not what other people think its what you feel is best for your kid

Answer 10

sheesh...most women will not let the father near the kids...that's just the way it is...and maybe this father likes the mother..not such a bad thing....but them again....why are you asking a bunch of bozo's like us...talk to the father and come to a decision