My daughter is 9 and she is a good kid when she wants to be. But lately its like she is testing the limits of my patience. I punish her bad behavior by taking away privileges but it doesn't seem to phase her much. She is goofing off in school, not doing her homework, she's a slob and won't pick up after herself, she picks fights with her brother and then when he fights back--which I do not condone--she cries like a 2yr old. She talks back, zones me out, and just seems pretty much scatterbrained most of the time. She was diagnosed with ADHD in kindergarten and was on Concerta for 3 years. I took her off the meds becasue it seemed as if it made her behavior worse and her grades started slipping again. Not to mention she wasn't eating very well and didn't grow much in two years.
Any ideas/suggestions on how to deal with her behavior? Is it something I am doing wrong? I'm frustrated and at the end of my rope!
2006-10-04 05:11:52 · 20 answers · asked by WonderTwit 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
My Daughter is also 9, and I thought I was the only one dealing with this type of problem. She has always been a very good child, but lately she has been doing things I never thought she would do, she fights more with her brother (he's 7), and she called 911 twice last week and when they called back (which she didn't know they do) They told me she has been calling and hanging up. she went on supervised kids chat room and spelled F_CK across the whole screen and got kicked off immediatly and the AOL company called me.
I take away her things and she doesn't seem to care, Radio, Playstation, Gameboy, Computer and nothing seemed to work, UNTIL THIS CAME TO MY HEAD...
her bed time was 9 and my sons was 8 well now for 1 month her bed time is 7 and my sons is still 8, and if we haven't had dinner by the time 7 comes along then she has to have a bowl of cereal or a sandwich and go right to bed, whether the sun is still out or not. She hates this and every other night she goes to bed crying, I walk by her door and close it and show her that it doesn't bother me. (it does bother me because I hate being the bad guy) but if you want results then you have to do what works, and in my opinion spanking is not an option at that age, plus I can't spank hard anyway so thats out. I also told her if she messes up again while be grounded and her bedtime changed, then she will be sitting in the house on Halloween watching everyone else have fun, and since I have stuck to my word with the bedtime thing she knows I will do it, so for the time being I have my little Angel back! Good luck email let me know if you have anymore ideas! mamacita028@aol.com
2006-10-04 05:27:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your not going to like mine but it does have a great effect. If you are willing to drug your kid for 3 years, would you be willing to unplug the TV for 3 years? Its cheaper than drugs. Take her out side and get very physical. Run, jump, swing, chase, wrestle, tickle, laugh, something anything. Pedal a bike roller skate, do somthing and do it with her. Spend at least an hour in the afternoon after school. An hour out of your day won't kill you. It will help her. Don't ask me why or how just do it for about a month and then write me back and tell me how it went. If your unwilling to try it, thats ok too. Your choice. But don't poo poo the idea till you give it a go. This kid will do better when she puts on a hard 2 miles a day. Her focus will change, Her attitude will change,
After you get that far we can take some time to look at diet. This is a little more compex as every kid is different. You will have to keep a jounal of what she eats. After a while you will begin to zone in on the things that are going to set her off. You will also zone in on the things that help her out. But we can do that later. Try the above for a month. That means you need to schedule one hour a day with your daughter that is spend being very active. Won't hurt you either. Your relationship with her will change too. It will get closer. Just try it for a month. No TV or video games, or computer games or anything that requires batteries or an electrical outlet. The effects of her activity will be the sort of thing you only wish you could get in a bottle. Been down this road. Didn't buy it but had exhausted all other rescources. What do you know it worked. Difference began to make its self apparent after the first week. After a month, wow.
2006-10-04 05:36:14 · answer #2 · answered by john d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her doctor, first. Any decisions you make should be cleared with him. There are websites that have information for young kids.
Dr. Phil had one woman take EVERYTHING out of her daughter's room. The girl only had her mattress, a blanket, and clothes for the week. No toys, no books, no tv, nothing until her behavior changed. He wound up having the lady back on the show because she wasn't giving her daughter stuff back. Try something drastic like that. As your daughter's behavior and school work improve, reward her with her toys and such. Maybe post a chart in her room where she draws a happy face if she did her homework, chores, didn't fight, etc. and a sad face each time she misbeahaves. Then you can look at the chart on Friday and say "Wow! You were good all week! I'm so proud of you. Here's your doll/book/toy back. Keep up the behavior and you'll get more next week.
2006-10-04 05:20:08 · answer #3 · answered by teeney1116 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First ADHD is _not_ a disease. It is only a method for extracting money from "research" foundations, insurance companies, government programs, and the innocent.
Your child is only 9 years old and it is perfectly _normal_ for a 9 year old child to 'goof off' in school, have a shorter attention span, be a slob, etc.
The issue that you should probably address is one of discipline.
Make her pick up after herself, clean up her own mess, etc.
Make her sit down for an hour or so _every_ night to do homework WITHOUT television, radio, MP3, computer, etc.
The next time she talks back to you, inform her that she will get a swat on the rump if she does so again. Then when she does (and she will---she is testing her limits), _swat_ her.
There will be an adjustment period and that period will be rough (on you, not so much on her) but do not give in. You must be the adult here. You must be in control.
Finally, LOSE that Dr. Spock book, or whoever is telling you that it will "harm the child's psyche, independance, etc" if swatted.
They are absolutely incorrect. Just do not abuse when spanking.
Make her wait with the promise of the swat until you are not angry at all. Then swat.
2006-10-04 05:29:36 · answer #4 · answered by credo quia est absurdum 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seek help ref: new medication and/or therapy
Homework is done after school and before going outside (once you check it).
No hitting or disrespecting anyone in the house.
Limit TV time each day.
Give them age appropriate chores and they must complete them. Everyone in the house has a job to do and w/out cooperation the whole organization has trouble.
Tell the kids that once a week if anything is left out of place then it will be donated or tossed. No rebuys either.
Have a talk about personal hygiene and taking pride in her apprearance. She's at the age that her menstral cycle could start and she needs to get a handle on cleaniness now.
Don't yell and frustrate yourself, because if she gets out of hand there are programs that can assist you.
2006-10-04 05:28:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think that the 9-year old stage is a major "pushing it" phase of life, your right, she's testing. Be consistant with what you are doing - don't stop or she'll know that she's "winning", not that it's a war and your keeping score but you know what I mean. Instead of dropping the current, add to it. Be more drastic with your punishment, make it a little harder on her... as a parent that's hard but sometimes it's what it takes for a short time. Check with her teacher and see if there is any noticable drama going on with her and the other kids in her class. Take her out on a "date" (movie/dinner) and gently encourage her to talk about what's going on in life. Maybe she's missing some quality time with you. It's easy to do in the busy grade school stage of life. Good luck and I hope it all goes well for you! Keep on truckin! Nobody ever said parenting was easy... *sigh*...
2006-10-04 05:22:13 · answer #6 · answered by B. 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My daughter was diagnosed as well and rather than put her on meds I found this book in the library called " Is my child ADD ?" I don't remember the names of the Authors but they were two doctors from Kaiser who thought medicating was unnecessary. They suggest a dramatic change in diet and exercise. I tried it and to this day control my daughter by diet. It's pretty simple. NOTHING that contains " RED #40" just look at the ingredients, and I don't allow any sugar during the week. On the weekends I allow her to have junk food like any other kid but we've been doing this for so long that now she recognizes the side effects and has a ton of self control, she does not like the crashing feel ing she experiences after a candy bar and a glass of kool-aid. Feel free to email me and I'll share more of my experience, I fee for you and wish you and your daughter the best of luck. This is a terrible thing to go through for both of you
2006-10-04 05:22:55 · answer #7 · answered by skhoury28nails 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are many great books she can read. "The Hobbit" and "The lord of the Rings" by Tolkien. But the fact that she's never read a book will make it hard for her to enjoy them, so I would start by less complicated books, such as "Anne Frank - The diary of a young girl" or "Harry Potter". Do not let her read Twilight, you'll just find her waiting for her "Edward" and nothing else. You could also start by some of the classics, like "The secret Garden", "Little Princess", "The railway children" and a lot more. Edit: Well, since she won't read Harry Potter, I say go with the classics. They're entertaining with plenty of lessons.
2016-03-18 04:40:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This behavior is normal. She is getting into the pre-teen age where her hormones are gearing up for puberty. It can be a rough age, but you cannot let her push you around. The more she feels she can push, the harder she'll push, and the less control you will have. When she pushes, push back. Remember, you are the one in control, not her. You have the power to make her life miserable, or heavenly.
Send her to her room and ignore her when she cries. Take things that matter away from her and tell her that she can get them back if her grades pick up, or find something she really really wants and tell her she can have it if her grades pick up.
It sounds like you're on the right path, but you have to find the right buttons. If she's getting under your skin, get under hers. The best cure for bad behavior is a small taste of their own medicine. Don't back down; remember, you're in control, not her.
2006-10-04 05:19:33 · answer #9 · answered by nmtgirl 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to dig a little bit deeper to find out why she is acting out. Sounds like it could be a number of things. Jealousy I think, would probably be likely. You should plan a day just for you and her, no one else. Put her in a relaxed atmosphere so she will open up to you and explain to her that her actions are not appreciated. And by the way, I had a child diagnosed with ADD and decided not to treat it with medication. It took a lot of patience and perseverance but we got through it just fine. Good luck to you and your daughter.
2006-10-04 05:20:45 · answer #10 · answered by BRITCOURT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋