My guy and I work in the same organisation. Different departments so no one is the other's direct supervisor. Even though there's speculation and whispering, we haven't made our relationship known to our co-workers and keep our interaction at work very professional. So far so good....but, there's an event comin up and he's been invited to attend w/ a guest. I told him to take his mum or his best friend (guy). He doesn't want to. He asked who I think he should take out of his two other best friends (women) who I know. I know there's gonna be whispering that he brought "another woman" but I'm prepared to deal w/ it. We've been through worse. The thing is, I'm still kinda bummed b/c I know if the roles were reversed, he'd sulk and pout. He however, sees it as not a big deal and even more so that he told me up-front what the situation is. How do I let him know whow I feel w/out coming across as being too "psycho" girlfriend or jealous and needy?
2006-10-04 04:59:39 · 11 answers · asked by Carefree 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
By being direct with him. Look. He's a man. You are a woman. There are very different rules of behavior for each of us and one tends to be blind of the realities of the other's situation. He's right. It IS no big deal....if you were a man, lol. But, you are not a man. You are a woman and you lose face when he brings another woman to a social event like this. Women are terrified of looking bad in a social situation. Because of all the messed up crap having to do with dating people from work, your relationship has to be discreet. But, the bottom line is that everyone knows (and gossips about) the relationship between the two of you even though being out in the open about these things is severely frowned upon. Since everyone knows, it makes you look bad if he brings a "date". This is literally nothing for a man (which is why he treats it as such). But it is a very big deal for women. What you need to do is be direct with him. This is not a moral issue. It's a social one. The conflict has to do with the big difference in the way men and women are treated in society. Most important of all, the reason you don't want him doing this and causing this problem for you is simply that you don't like it and don't want him doing it. In other words, he is not doing something wrong. He is pissing you off. The standard consequence of being a pain in the *** if he does it anyway, applies.
All men understand it when you put it to them like this. However, you need to understand that he looks like a dweeb if he shows up with him mom or with a guy friend (the REAL reason he wants to go with his female friend). That is unacceptable. Unless you guys are going to bite the bullet and show up together, he should go stag.
2006-10-04 05:11:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and have a serious conversation about it. Be calm and try to have him see it from your perspective. You're feelings are justified, but you will have a sure answer to everything by the end of the conversation.
But if you think about it, he may take one of his female friends because your relationship isn't made public. Granted, there's whispering going on, but it's only speculation. Maybe he's not ready to let everyone know about the two of you yet.
You have to sit down with him. He should appreciate how you're feeling and do something about it.
2006-10-04 12:05:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would it be a big deal to make your relationship known?
Does he have to take anybody to this event? Couldn't he just go solo?
I think feelings are feelings. They don't have to be justified. If making it known about your relationship would endanger your job then I would just let it go.
2006-10-04 12:08:49 · answer #3 · answered by lucy02 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that's a tough one! i think you should just tell him how you feel, if cares about you he will understand. however you need to trust a little bit more. believe me i know it's hard, but like you said you've been through worse things. besides you're the one that gets to take him home.
good luck
2006-10-04 12:12:37 · answer #4 · answered by Julz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think BOTH your feelings are justified.
of course you dont want him to be seen with another woman, its not good for the image of the relationship.
however, he also wouldnt want to bring a male friend (maybe he's not secure in his sexuality enough!), so he'd rather be seen with a woman (who is not his mum).
i think he should just attend alone!
2006-10-04 12:02:38 · answer #5 · answered by statistics 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both of you should put your heads together to come out with a solution.
2006-10-04 12:07:13 · answer #6 · answered by freeall_freeme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
spend some time talking with him about the expectations. that will show if you want or need to make this public.
2006-10-04 12:01:28 · answer #7 · answered by mcbrian2000 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to decline the invitation.
2006-10-04 12:03:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take another guy with you. Problem will be solved, believe me.
2006-10-04 12:03:43 · answer #9 · answered by Mike Hunt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should be flattered that you are jealous..
If you two have real feelings for each other, you should be jealous.
If he does not understand your jealousy, his feelings for you are not as strong as yours are for him...
2006-10-04 12:02:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋