Question about adopting an older child (5-7 yrs old)?

Question

My husband was talked into a vasectomy by an ex-wife, about 14 years ago and we'd talked about having a reversal done, I'd really love to have his child but it doesn't seem like a goal that is ever within reach. I've been wondering about adopting, and appalled at what I've seen in regards to minority babies being so much less expensive to adopt (I am Native American and would prefer a minority child) - it almost seems prejudiced how it is easier and cheaper to adopt a minority child....but I have started to ponder adopting an older child, as old as 5-7 years, and wondered if anyone has done this or has been adopted at such an age and had any advice? I know it won't be easy no matter what, but I have the time, (2 at-home parents) and money, and lots of love to give..... thanks for any ideas, thoughts or other help.

Answer 1

Why doesn't your husband get it reversed? It isn't that hard.

I'm an adoption social worker. Babies in general are expensive and hard to get...if I got a purple baby I could have it placed by noon! People want babies babies babies........of course people want a child that looks like them......but babies of all kinds are hard to get.

Since you are Native American you are in a great position to offer a child a chance to stay within their own culture....not that that is the only thing that matters, but for a child to be able to keep their heritage....a rich Native American heritage.....that is a gift.

You should contact your local Native American Foster Care office....of go on the web...Michigan has them.....By law, we have to place children within their tribe if we can.

Be aware, an older child will have bonding issues and the older a child the more issues they will have......since you do not have children in your home to consider I'd advise going for it......

Contact a special needs adoption agency. If you adopt an older child through foster care, it is much less expensive and the child is eligable for therapy through their 18th birthday. My agency does home studies for special needs adoption FREE to the parents (others charge up to $3,000)

Good luck! There are so many children in need!

Answer 2

I think that it is an awesome idea. I am not sure what the exact statisitcs are but I do know that older children having a harder time being adopted ( as most ppl want babies ).
I think that you are willing to give a minority child a home is wonderful. There are so many that need good homes. However if he or she is not within your race you have to accept the challenges that go with that. (i.e. mommy why don't I look like you and daddy, neighbors. friends, and coworkers opinions, are you going to be educated enough to deal with the child that you special hygeine needs? If it's an African American child- hair and skin care? What type of community do you live in- is it a place where the child can learn it's culture? Will he/ or she be a minority in their school) A lot to think about.
It is also amazing that you are willing to open your home and heart to a child that isn't biological. All the children up for adoption need a loving home, 2 months, 2 yrs, or 7 yrs old. Remember that an older child will likely have more bagge to deal with. Are you prepared for that?
Would you be doing an open adoption, where the parents would be involved, or closed? If you decide on open- it may seem like the right thing to do but remember they gave the child up for a reason, and now you are becomming the parent. Are you willing to share the child? Maybe in the beginning but what about when he/she is a teen?
Just some food for thought. I had a boyfriend that was adopted at age 7. ( He was 23 when we dated ) He loved his adopted parents very much. He didn't know his real parents - closed adoption. He and the family were caucasion. Think of it this way, it will be like a blended family. With step parents and siblings - they take a lot of work, but it's worth it! Goodluck and you will be in my prayers!

Answer 3

I am so glad you are considering adoption. I really think what you are doing is amazing. I have not adopted but I'm caring for my cousin (who is five years old) and I have been for a year and a half. Hopefully I'll be able to adopt someday--when his mother stops choosing cocaine over the welfare of her son! Anyway--it's hard. I wasn't around much when he was younger and it was almost like taking in a person I hardly knew. (I lived over seas until he was about two years) There was a lot of reversing what had already been done. I had to potty train him, (at 4 years--we're still struggling with some aspects) get him enrolled in school, and work on his social skills. He has FAS so it's a battle with other things as well. In the end it's worth it! I'm so happy to have him in my life regardless of all the trying times we have had. I know what I'm doing is what's best by him and I'm so glad I was able to take him from the horrible situation he was born into and had to live in for such a long time. Anyway--be prepared for some major adjustment, not only for you and the child, but for your relationship with your husband. It's hard trying to pick up the pieces of a broken childhood but it's awfully rewarding. If you need anything else just contact me. Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 4

There are so many wonderful children that are out there to adopt. Bless you and your husband for wanting to open up your home to one of them. Call your local or state adoption agency and discuss it with them. You will have a long process ahead of you but it is well worth it. Adopting an older child is a wonderful investment in our future!
good luck, I'm sorry I can't offer any advice, I just wanted you to know that I think you are a wonderful person and you will be a wonderful parent.

Answer 5

Go for it I am sure that you will do a great job.
My brother lives in NC and the orphanages in his are are over crowded with young children. Their you can pretty much go in and pick what child you want to take home with you. Of course there is paperwork and background checks and all that but the over crowding is a shame. If you are finding it hard to adopt then be a foster parent. My cousin is and has adopted two of her foster children and yes both are minorities although she is not.
Good luck to you.

Answer 6

I know it would be harder because an older child has some amount of baggage with them from whatever their life has been up to that point (and most likely it hasn't been that great). But if you have the time and desire, I think it is a very kind thing to do. You would be giving that child such a great gift by caring for them!

Answer 7

I am in the process of doing this very same thing. We actually chose to do re-unification with children this age in the hopes of getting a child to adopt. What happens with us, is that the children / goal is to actually send them home with parenting classes / AA or whatever they (the parents) need, but one of our children who we have had for a while now is not going to go home, they are going to term parental rights in the early part of November...then we will be offered to adopt him. We went through our home state and the adoption process / attorneys...etc is free. You can go to other countries and adopt babies, but I have heard that it's a small fortune to do this. But, if you are looking to just adopt and not foster (re-unification), then call your local Health and Human Service office and inquire about it...they have so many children...about 4000 in NE who are in need of parents and yes, depending on where you live...minorities seem to be the bulk of the children. God bless you for wanting and unwanted child...Good luck and God Bless...

Answer 8

your idea of adopting is good .you r very kind type of person as ur question says.
one advice ,it will be good for you and for child too.to adopt only one years of age child .5 to 7 years child has his own history and so many memories he will carry with him,also some prejudice.so he shoud not have the knowledge that u r not his or her real parents.let him behave naturally with you.
wish you all the best and have a very good and affectionate child.

Answer 9

Older children are also cheaper to adopt than and infant. I think it has to do with supply and demand. It's unfortunate, but that's the way it is.

Informationon adpopting and older child: http://older-child.adoption.com/
Search for a Child: http://www.adoptuskids.org/ Or your state probably has its own website.

Good Luck!

Answer 10

5-7 IS NOT TOO OLD TO ADOPT. THEY ARE STILL YOUNG AND CAN BE TAUGHT HOW TO DO RIGHT. NOW, ADOPTING A TEENAGER IS A BIG ISSUE. A 5-7 YEAR OLD IS FRESH INTO SCHOOL AND EVERYTHING. I SAY GO FOR IT.