I feel used by my sister.?

Question

I have always been there for my sister. I work full time but on the weekends when she's needed a babysitter I have been there.When her marriage broke down she expected me to live with her to give her support which I did.I have always paid out financially too as she thinks as I have no dependents and work full time I have lots of money.I babysat for her last weekend & I have to babysit for her on sunday even though I dont want to go back out to her house but instead want the kids to come into me for a change. Is that so wrong. She has hurt me recently with spiteful comments and I feel very upset, confused and unhappy and just want to do my own thing this weekend even though I dont mind looking after the kids in my own home. She lives 2 hrs away from me yet she expects me to come out to her. Help.

Answer 1

She clearly has no consideration for you. Let her look after them herself and she'll see what she's missing. You don't know what you've got until it's gone.

Answer 2

Hi you need to tell her, as this is not appropriate and no wonder you are feeling used. You have been there for her so long she thinks she can get away with you doing stuff for her. Just tell her your having the children at your place from now on. I wouldnt hold back your feelings. It doesnt need to get into an argument. Just tell her you want to look after her children but you would prefer to be at home as basiclly on your days off you want to spend sometime at home as you work full time. She shouldnt expect you to do this for her all the time whilst she goes out to where ever she goes. She should be grateful that you look after her children for free in your spare time and also you going to her house to babysit. These spitefull comments are they only made when you refuse to do something for her. If they are i would walk away and let her find someone else to look after the kids. It sound like it is making you unhappy, and you dont want to make yourself ill do you. She is your sister and she should respect your feeling after all you have done for her and if she doesnt she is clearly taking you for a mug. Stand up for yourself. Before it goes to far,

Answer 3

You obviously love and support your sister dearly. Perhaps you should have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Start out by telling what a wonderful relationship you two have. Then let her know that all the babysitting and driving is wearing you out and you need a rest from it. You might even make plans for some weekend so you won't be available. She needs to know you have your own life. Its a delicate situation when its family and you don't want to ruffle feathers. Good Luck.

Answer 4

I certainly know how you are feeling. I feel the same way about doing things for my brother. I would certainly talk to your sister and let her know how you feel. Communication, communication, communication. That is the key to having and maintainning any kind of a relationship. weather it's with friends, family, or girlfriend/boyfriends, husband and wives. Maybe you could tell her that you don't mind babysitting once in a while, but you can't do it all the time. And the distance between us maybe every other time you babysit she could bring the kids to your house, and you go to their house every other time. Tell her that you want to help out as much as possible, but you feel like she is using you, and that you would like to start a life of your own. Maybe she could pay you either with cash, or if sometime you have kids down the road, she could repay you by babysitting for you, it could be maybe she could take you out and pay for dinner once in awhile, whatever. Just let her know how you have felt in the past and how you are feeling about it now. See if she won't bring the kids to your house every other time. If she won't than just tell her than I guess I can't babysit for you any more, if she loves you and will understand you than she should bring the kids to you.

Answer 5

Oh dear. You need to stand up for yourself. Tell her what you've told us. Or, since she appears to be a bully, tell her you'll only babysit if she brings the kids to you, its her choice. If she starts ranting its to get her own way. Not really to hurt you, thats a by-product.
I have to say, were I you I would be very tempted to tell her ALL services are withdrawn until you get an apology and she starts appreciating what you HAVE already done.
Tell her you have a hot date, the next time she asks you to babysit even, her life will still be more important than yours... that is why you must be pig-headedly strong. Don't buckle to her bullying and she will come around.
Good luck. Find your confidence anywhere you can

Answer 6

oh man, i have a sister and sometimes i feel exactly the same way about her! i live in a different country now but she didn't even sent me a text message or an e-mail to say if my birthday presents for her kids arrived!! i ask you!!

it's really difficult because you don't want to seem selfish to the rest of the family. you think they're gonna look at you and go 'wow, she won't even babysit for her sister!'. but if your sister's really the kind of person who's taking advantage of you, your family probaby knows this about her. you might even find that it's not just you who feels like that about her.

i dunno about you but my sister's kind of emotional about stuff. you have to be real careful not to criticise her cause she tends to take it personally.

if that's the case with your sister, then you probably don't know how to say to her that you're feeling a bit used. my advice is, take the opportunity when you're babysitting on sunday. when she comes home, make a cup of coffee / tea / whatever you drink and tell her you want to talk to her about something. the important thing in a conflict situation is not using the word 'YOU'. as soon as you say that, it puts people on the defensive. so you need to say that 'i don't feel i can say no to you, even though sometimes i'd like to. while i don't have dependents like you do, i have other financial responsibilities and sometimes helping you out leaves me in a bad position financially.' as for bringing the kids to your house, if it's really a problem for her, strike up a compromise, like you'll go get the kids and bring them to your place, but she has to come collect them afterwards. or vice versa.

if she's said stuff that hurt you (which my sister does without even thinking sometimes and i could just KICK her but of course i can't), then you could put it like this 'when someone calls me a XXX or says XXX about me, it makes me feel really small/useless/it really hurts.' Maybe it sounds a bit wishy washy but honestly, when it's family, you don't want to start flinging accusations because you've got a whole LIFE of accusations to start throwing around! and really, that doesn't solve anything. stay calm, remember that even though you're sisters you're different people and she might see the world in a different way to you. hope this helps, good luck :)

Answer 7

Start telling your sister no. She's more of a taker than she is a giver. You did whatever you could to help her out and she's taking advantage of you. Talk to your sister and tell it like it is. A boundary line has to be drawn somewhere. Your sister also has to keep in mind that you have a life of your own as well and you shouldn't have to keep baby-sitting her kids every weekend. Tell her "no" and she'll realize that she's missing a wonderful sister that will help her out whenever she needs it. I hope my advice helps you. Best of luck.

Answer 8

Tell her the way it is you have just done it here, there is no reason why you should not say it to her.

Just keep calm and unemotional you are willing to help her which is more than most people would do but she has to meet you half way or find another solution to HER problems.

If she cannot bring them on Sunday can she bring them Saturday night an dlet them stay over?

Don't be used be in control.

Answer 9

Do your own thing. Tell her you need some time and space to sort out the things she said to you and why. She'll apologize in short time. Then, tell her you'll watch the kids every other weekend or whatever you think is fair. Tell her that you will still support her within limits. Specify those limits. She needs to learn to live by herself eventually......

Answer 10

2 hours away? Geez that's a lot of driving. Here's what I suggest Help her find a daycare. I don't know how old her kids are or if there's a boys & Girls of america Club in her area, but that could be a possibility. I don't know you religious denominatio, but your Preist/bishop/pastor will help her & you find a baybsitter closer to home. You aren't wrong you love your Nieces and/or Nephews but I know personally if I had to drive a 4 hour round trip drive everyday it would start wearing on my nerves too. I understand about family assuming your loaded my sister acts that way too. :)

Answer 11

Just stop being a bloody door mat.

Your being used because your such a soft touch.

Stand up for yourself, tell her it's unreasonable for you to be looking after her children all the time.

If you want to have them sometimes, make an agreement that you will have them once every two weeks or once a month, or not at all if that's what YOU want.

Tell her that she HAS to bring them to you or your not going to look after them.

Don't give her a penny more money from NOW!

Stop coming here moaning, stand up for yourself and do something about it for christs sake.