my partner hasnt seen his oldest son for 20 years. he knows nothing about this son. then out of the blue, the son calls and wants to talk to his dad. now, within 4 days, the son wants to come up to missouri from texas with his mother to meet his dad and get to know him. from what i gather, he wants to stay with us, but his mother is going to need a place to stay too. how would you handle this situation?
2006-10-04 04:01:12 · 18 answers · asked by lodeemae 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
let him get to know his son if they coming from Texas they have money to take of them self to a motel ask how long they plan on staying to integrate that you all have no intention of them staying long or with you but be nice about it
2006-10-04 04:09:13 · answer #1 · answered by Summer G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Granted, it is a very delicate situation. My friend was in a similar sitation when he was 18. I went along as moral support when he saw his dad for the first time. It was very emotional but it was good that they met as a lot of misunderstandings got cleared up. They are now best of friends.
I think you will have to put yourself in the son's shoes - his dad is a very important part of his identity. You should welcome him to come and stay and hear his side of the story.
Worst thing that can happen is it doesn't work out and you're no worse off than if you say no. Anything other than that would be a real bonus to you all. Don't worry about increased 'affection competition' from the son, after all a happy dad is a happy partner right?
I think the mother would be quite alright with staying in a hotel, she would probably be as relieved as you not to stay under the same roof. Offer to pay for the room.
2006-10-04 04:13:03 · answer #2 · answered by fiddefura 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend who I live with has a son that is 22 years old and he has not seen him since he was 3 years old. About 3 weeks ago he called because he was in town visiting with his mother. He came to our house and they had a wonderful conversation, they talked about things that needed to be discussed years ago. Now they have a relationship with each other he still doesn't call him dad but one step at a time. If your partner wants this visit, then in the best interest for you is to stand by his side and always be there for him. He will need the support from you and someone there to lean on and wouldn't you want that person to be you!!!
2006-10-04 04:06:53 · answer #3 · answered by */-Puss-n-Boots-/* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe ur partner needs to talk to his son and ask where he and his mother will be staying...then if he says with u he can say well i live with my partner so its not really appropriate and may be uncomfortable for all concerned. But i cant wait to see u and get to know u. I dont mind if u stay with us but obviously your mother would prefer some company while shes up here.
2006-10-04 04:07:02 · answer #4 · answered by nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know the right advice to give you but let me tell you my situation. I would not wish even my worst enemy to have my father as their own! He ignored me my entire life and when I did talk to him, he was verbally and mentally abusive. He told me a million times that I was a mistake and he never wanted me. Throughout my childhood and teenage years my father was in and out and finally I hated him so much that I told him to never talk to me again. It has really messed me up (I have to go to therapy) and now I don't trust anyone, especially men...I have a hard time in relationships and have even noticed my anger is out of control. If I were in your situation, I would tell your husband that if he plans on seeing his son again, he better make sure he sticks around this time. It could affect his son in a very big way!
2006-10-04 04:28:43 · answer #5 · answered by italiana2683 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband didn't see his daughter for 15 years. When she moved here from Ohio it was hard, very hard, but it filled a hole in my husbands heart that I never knew was there.
No, the mother should not stay there, she's had him to herself for 20 years, it's Dad's turn now.
Do you have children? Just imagine if you lost one for that length of time. People often think Dads can handle being away from their kids better than Moms but that isn't true, they just bury it deep inside. They act tough.
2006-10-04 04:10:34 · answer #6 · answered by dream girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would support your partner's wishes, whatever they may be. I know this may be very difficult if your partner's son and mother end up visiting, but I believe it would be the best choice for your relationship with your partner. And that's the important thing here, right?
Good luck.
2006-10-04 04:08:47 · answer #7 · answered by lovejam05 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Direct them to a nearby hotel / motel. and if it has been 20 years I can only assume that the kid is an adult. So why on earth would he need his mommy to travel with him in the first place. As to the sudden interest in knowing dad he's growing up he might just want to know where his roots lie.
2006-10-04 04:07:33 · answer #8 · answered by SUPERSTAR X 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I expect there's been some communication leading up to this visit. DAD needs to make it perfectly clear, that he would meet his son. But as with any 'stranger' he and his mom need to stay someplace else. Not in your home. Unless of course, you dont mind. I dont know about anyone else, but my home is definitely my castle. I prefer it not to be used as a hotel/motel. No one should invite themselves, whatever the circumstance.
2006-10-04 04:07:03 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome the son to come and meet his father. But, I wouldn't allow them to stay at your home, find some decent accomodations close to your home, and offer those as suggestions. Oh, and btw, you're under no obligation to foot the bill for those accomodations. Of course, discuss this plan with your partner first...but don't forget, it's your home too, and I wouldn't compromise your needs and wishes. Good Luck!
2006-10-04 04:06:45 · answer #10 · answered by Legs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋