Two years ago I hurt my husband very deeply. I compaired the size of his penis to that of my ex husband, before I even thought. I said it was smaller. I didn't mean it in a bad way by no means. I LOVE the size of his penis. I enjoy it way more than I ever did my ex. The problem is that as the two years have passed he gets hurt worse by the day. His ego is crushed and I HAVE TO find a way to fix it. I love him so much and it hurts me to see the pain in his eyes. I am at a loss. Nothing I try seems to help. PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My husband deserves it.
2006-10-04 03:43:55 · 13 answers · asked by SO_wife 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Sounds like you have done what you can (apologizing, discussing, justifying and exlpaining your comments to him). However, some things you just can't get over. I can see most men always having trouble with a statement such as that..and getting worse as time goes on. Most men have fragile egos, especially in regards to their "members." He wants to be Your Hero,to have your adoration and once probably thought he was. One little slip of the tounge and all that has been uprooted in his mind. The initial comment might of been about his penis, but the problem is now deep inside his head (the one on his shoulders). He dwells, he stews and he hurts. Embarrasingly enough, I posed a similiar question to my wife once regarding her past size. I foolishly asked in a joking manner. She didn't answer...which gave me my answer. I never brought it up again, but it messed with my head. Messed with my sex life too. It took 18 months to iron it all out, but one day it dawned on me that she could have found someone better looking (me too.) She could have found someone smarter (me too.) She could have found someone richer, nicer, taller , whatever (me too.) And she could have found someone with a larger penis. She didn't. She chose me! I suspect you knew what you were getting before you married, and liked it. He needs to be lovingly told this. He needs to be reassured that you chose him/he chose you and everything before "I Do" is a nonissue.
2006-10-05 08:43:12 · answer #1 · answered by Jake 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have all the answers, but I suggest this. First, tell your husband only "one" more time, that when you said "his" penis was smaller than your ex's, you didn't mean it in a bad way, he took it that way, and you're sorry for that. Don't continue to apologize for the same thing over & over. What's done, is done. Then slowly, over time, compliment him for different things that he does, (sexual or otherwise). But don't "over do it" because then he'll think you're kissing up to him over the insult. Okay? You can't undo what you've said, but you "can" start making him feel better by being naturally
complimentery. Also? If he wants to know how your words were not meant to insult him, try telling him that your ex's penis was "too" large, and it hurt to "have" sex! And that you're glad his penis is smaller, because you can actually "enjoy" him. Okay? Good luck.
2006-10-04 11:38:03 · answer #2 · answered by Republican!!! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your damn right he is insecure now, and he has every right to be, even after 2 years. You hurt him deeply.
How silly of you to say something so heartless, even if it was unintentional. You should NEVER compare one love to another. Your ex is an ex for a reason. Words cut deeper than any knife and leave scars that are hard to heal. Imagine if he had said his ex was smaller than you... OUCH... every time you had sex from then on you would remember those words and feel as if you did not measure up in some way.
Sit down with him and have an honest heart to heart talk.
Tell him how much you regret saying that and how much it hurts you to know that YOU have caused him such pain. How you wish you could take back your insensitive words.
Let him know how much you enjoy making love with him, how much more your body reacts to him, more than it has ever reacted to anyone before.
Tell him that you can't see a future with out him in it and how proud you are to be his wife.
Lady , spill your guts to him, tell him your heart. But leave "sizes" out of it unless he brings it up. Why repeat the same words that will only reinforce his insecurities.
2006-10-04 11:26:26 · answer #3 · answered by mommakaye 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There's GOT to be something more going on here than a little insult over his penis. I can tell from the information in your question that you are caring, & loving with your husband, & have been about as reassuring to him as anyone can get.
Is the penis size the ONLY comparison you make with him & your ex? He may be fostering some kind of resentment toward your ex, & no matter how well intended, any kind of comparison to your husband by you could be taken by him as saying that he isn't as good. (I'm just guessing here)
The point I'm trying to make is that you & your husband need to talk honestly & openly, & don't confine it to just his penis, because I am sure that there is something deeper going on here.
If you guys are having great sex & he KNOWS FOR SURE that you are enjoying it, then I can't understand how he can be overly concerned about his penis size.
Talk to him again.
2006-10-04 11:10:12 · answer #4 · answered by No More 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't have a good advice, I just find it ironic that most of your "help" comes from females who have no freaking clue of how a man could possibly feel about his penis, or for that matter, himself.
This is serious. A man's image of his body, and particularly of his penis, operates on such a primal level that no amount of rationalizing will help change it. In my view, you shouldn't bring it up directly but make it clear to him to that you find him IRRESISTABLE sexually.
2006-10-04 11:00:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You messed up big time ,things are different now an you have yourself to thank. You can't fix this
2014-05-19 08:17:28 · answer #6 · answered by Tom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you don't have to say sorry for what you said few yrs back, as it will just remind him of it over and over again....Try to let him know that the size of it really doesn't matter to you...Try to be more loving and caring to him this time...Shower him love and try to cure the little spot in his heart.Maybe make him feel special once again.
2006-10-04 10:55:48 · answer #7 · answered by msshy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try explaining to him that men with larger equipment usually hurt you and that it isnt at all pleasurable. Explain to him that his size is a perfect match for you, and that youve never had better. Most men do not realize that larger isn't necessarily better.
2006-10-04 10:55:22 · answer #8 · answered by susan w 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I did the same thing. Although, I didn't bring it to his attention on my own, he asked me. And I was truthful with him. This was also about 2 years ago. He still brings it up. Time heals all wounds, just treat him (& his little guy) good and eventually he won't care about it anymore.
If you are happy with it, then he should be happy. Unless he is worried about other women thinking it's small.
2006-10-04 10:52:45 · answer #9 · answered by StarrLee 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He needs to grow up. If you've apologized, and stopped the comparisons, he needs to get over it. It's a fact that his penis is smaller; nothing can be done to change that. Until he accepts this FACT, he will continue to fester.
2006-10-04 10:46:20 · answer #10 · answered by Katyana 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋