Just got out of a really bad relationship and my girlfriend told me she was two months pregnant and having my baby. Said I would be allowed access but she wanted to veto my future girlfriends and if i got back together with my ex before her my access would be denied...Walked away cos i'm scared she'll use the baby to manipulate my life... I would love to see my daughter but i don't want to confuse her and i think she'll just inherit my ex's negative feelings towards me and my ex will always try to make an example of me... also i think i'll be so far down the pecking-order that i won't be able to be a proper father to her... answer without prejudice please...
2006-10-04 03:26:38 · 48 answers · asked by 0000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My daughter was born in May and i still havent seen her. I have to admit its a self-confidence thing. The relation ship i had with the mother was damaging and left me with real bad low self-esteem. Every time i spoke to her she dragged me back there with insults so i just gave up. My confidence is coming back now i havent spoke to her but i don't think my ex is interested in me being a father in my own right and will stop at nothing to f**k me up...
2006-10-04 04:06:16 · update #1
...also it takes just as much balls to walk away and accept she'll never know you... There is no easy answer to this one.
2006-10-04 04:09:24 · update #2
hallo olly,are you man,I don't think so bcoz you are a father of your child do you know you how much happy movent for you this and you think about your past time, hei man just go there where your baby now and take on your hand and give a lot of pyar bcoz you are the father of your new baby ok .ya this is true when you arrive there you ex girl friend may be angry on you and I think she tell you some miswords for his angriness but don't hear any words of her 1st you love with your new baby after then if you want to take some decision then you can talk with your exgirl friend no problem I think when you touch your baby according to that situation if you feel sad then don't break your eyes this is my solution,hei be chearup you are a father of missworld baby so don't worry.be a father yar.and hallo don't say she is your exgirl friend now she is your baby's mother yar
2006-10-04 18:32:38 · answer #1 · answered by aryan s 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you can be a father to your child then by all means be one- if you are however having issues that will make it impossible to be father and a positive role model then please walk away. It will be easier on the child to have you missing from the start than to have you in and out of her life.
Keep in mind that in order to have a positive relationship with your child you will need to have a positive relationship with your ex- the child's mom. No you do not have to get back together but you do need to agree that both of you were wrong for each other and you both ahve the best interest of the child at heart. Once you establish that then the rest will fall into place. It will not be easy but it can be done.
You have the right to be a father and the child has a right to know you but with that comes the responsibilities of child support and child rearing so if you are not ready for those two then by all means bow out and let your ex raise the baby and find someone to be father to it.
2006-10-04 03:41:01 · answer #2 · answered by bootsjeansnpearls 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Olly,
I know you are in a very scarry situation, but don't allow yourself to succumb to the fear. I was a child born from an affair. My father had the same fears you do and he walked away from me and my mom. The pain of not having my dad around and being able to know himw as the most awful, lasting pain I've ever endured (even worse than a blown up fiancee - tragic loss).
A little girls relationship with her father is a very special one. Girls get their self esteem and self worth from the realtionship they have with their daddy's. She will need you to be there for father daughter dances and if you are not there, every fathers day will be a sorrow for her.
I understand you're fear of your ex making your child think ill of you, but honestly, your best chance of your daughter knowing the truth is for you to be there to show her that you love her and let her know that you're always there for her no matter what her mommy and daddy feel about each other.
There is no "pecking" order when it comes to parental rights. There's a mom and a dad. TWO people in the equation. If you keep your nose clean and always put the needs of that child first, then you will always have the high ground to stand on where your daughter is concerned.
I've never known my father, but I long for him everyday.....you have an opportunity to be the king of a childs world, no matter what the queen says or feels! You are her father and no one can ever take that from you......but if you walk away, then that's a different story and it will send a different message to your child and her mom.
Good Luck to you and your new baby. I can tell that you are really torn, but want to do the right thing. Blessings and Peace!
2006-10-04 03:38:05 · answer #3 · answered by brookebjpl 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If she's only two months, how do you know it's a girl already? Are you even sure she's pregnant? Could be a game she's playing - she sounds the manipulative type. Okay - here's the legal stuff YOU need to know. 1> if that is indeed your child, she can NOT tell you who you can & cannot see when you get your visitation.
2> you can go to court & have visitation laid out & she will HAVE to agree to it, like it or not. 3> your baby deserves every chance to know you - & yes, I suspect she'll try to make your child dislike you but you can overcome that. 4> No judge in the land will keep you out of the child's life simply because she doesn't like your ex; it doesn't work that way. 5> the court can appoint a guardian ad litem for the child & that person will see to it that the best interests of the child are served - & that will include visitation with the paternal unit. I hope for your sake that she isn't playing a sick & twisted game of saying she's pregnant when she isn't - if there is a baby, you need to have it tested to make 100% positive that it's yours. If it is indeed yours, please don't walk away from it. That child will need you in its life, if only to counter her craziness & immaturity & spite. Your child will need to know that Dad loves him/her & will be there whenever needed, for whatever you can give. The paternity test will seal it - if it's your baby then you have EVERY right to be a part of that child's life & she has to suck it up & get over it. Good luck my dear - & for the baby, please hang in there.
2006-10-04 03:52:40 · answer #4 · answered by pumpkin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her bully you out of having anything to do with your daughter. You should get access rights - especially if she wants you to pay maintenance - and once awarded you can use those wiithout her being able to veto anything. You can't stop her poisoning your daughter's mind, but if you're always kind and considerate to your child (and try to avoid arguing with her mother in front of her) then as soon as she's able to make up her own mind, she'll see the truth.
The lack of a parent is a real psychological void in a child's life, and it would be much better for her to know you. And hopefully, once she's got a new relationship of her own, your ex will lose some of her vitriol and you can normalise your relationship a bit.
2006-10-04 03:41:29 · answer #5 · answered by gvih2g2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i hate mums or dads that use the kids as an excuse or try and turn the kids against the none resident parent. go to a solicitor and apply for parental responsibility which if granted by a judge means you have a right to know about your child i.e school reports what play school she goes to her doctors any hospital visits she as etc ect you basically have the same rights has the mother unless you where violent to your ex then she can say she is fearful of you and doesn`t want you to have this information. i hope you have been to the c.s.a? if you do this of your own back it will show you are committed to seeing your daughter and if you pay the c.s.a. direct your ex can`t say you haven`t payed towards your daughters costs. or if you buy your daughter clothes keep the receipts has prove. just make sure any money that you provide for your daughter goes on your daughter and doesn`t pay for the ex to have her nails and hair done. good luck mate hope you get to see her don`t give up has kids are precious they change your life forever
2006-10-04 03:41:26 · answer #6 · answered by shayney boy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first off. is your ex really pregnant or just using that as a pawn to get you back.. First make sure she is pregnant..
There is already to much dram ma. so going back to her, would not be healthy for anyone. you would only keep fighting an in the end would end up breaking up again...
as for any future gf you have. Your ex has no right to keep your away from your child. If you share custody or the such.. she can not say who can or cant see your daughter....
but i can see her point, if you have a revolving door... and your ex does not want the child exposed to a new women every other week or the such.
she has no right to use the baby as a pawn in your life to control you.... You also need to make it perfectly clear that she not allowed to share her negative feelings about you with the child...
how can you say you wont be a propper father, you have not even tried....
here is my advice..... it is obviously there is to much dramma for the two of you to work things out....
you need to sit down with her, and tell her it is over between the two of you, and that for the childs well being, it is best that it remains this way.
tell her you will support your child and be there... take her to court if you have to. she can not keep you from seeing your child.
Only you can make the choice if you will be propper father or not....
but remember if you want to be a dad, it is for a lifetime.. and not an on and off thing that fits your schedule....
imagine being a child who sits and waits and waits for daddy to show up and he never shows up....
you need to find away to be friends with your ex. or at least cival..
you need to tell her that your personal life and who you date is no concern of hers. and you will not tolerate her making judegment on your gf....
she can denie you from seeing your child, but all you have to do is take her to court....if I were you, I would go for joint custady. Then she can not use the child as a pawn...
You could start off by signing up for parenting classes.. show the court that you are a good person and do care about your child...
you need to stop letting your ex threaten you, if you do not get back together with her...
I think your ex is pretty messed up now and I can see why... But you need to find out if she is really pregnant.
2006-10-04 03:38:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree don't give up on seeing your daughter. She can threatened you with all that bull crap and that's exactly what it is. Regardless of who you date does not have anything to do with you seeing your daughter. You could get a court order so that you can have legal visitations. And you know of course, you will probably have to pay child support. You could also pursue custody yourself. The reason why I say do everything you can to get legal rights to your baby because in the end she will need to know that at least you tried. The bottom line is that the child did not ask for this mess so now that's she's here you do right by her. You might need to get some legal advice regarding your rights. Good luck.
2006-10-04 03:33:15 · answer #8 · answered by kitcat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter needs to know her father - that is best for her. Knowing you includes meeting your girlfriends - this is part of life and is not damaging your daughter. Your ex sounds like a negative person with alot of personal problems. If you are paying child support, you have every right to visitation. This should be worked out in a court of law since your ex doesn't think rationally.
2006-10-04 03:49:22 · answer #9 · answered by farahwonderland2005 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
there was a situation like this a few months ago in my life. my ex-boyfriend was having a child with his ex and she didnt want us together. so she would threaten him with seeing his child, or make him feel bad b/c he was with me and she would say that hes not doin his job as a father. which wasnt true b/c he did everything in his power to make sure that the child and i were happy. it jus was hard b/c he also had to make his baby's mother happy.
trust me, it will be hard to have outside relationships when u have a child with an exgirlfriend. but if u ever find someone that u love, u could make it work. do everything u can in order to get some sort of custody of ur daughter b/c when she finds out later in life she will wonder why u never tried.
2006-10-04 03:37:36 · answer #10 · answered by quietstorm2686 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a difficult situation. If you really want to be a part of your child's life - there is nothing she can do legally without going to family court. So first, make sure the child is yours and then take her to court for visitation rights. She has no right to dictate who you can have in your life (but she can contest visitations while the new girlfriend is around in court if the new girlfriend has a questionable character).
Good luck. I am sure you have the capability of being a great dad! Don't miss out on such a blessed opportunity.
2006-10-04 03:32:16 · answer #11 · answered by Marmek1210 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋