Who will believe me?

Question

I'm sixty two years old and I have been married forthirty five of those years. For the last twenty one years I have been the loneliest man I know.
When the life in my marriage died she insisted on single beds. A year later it was separate rooms and finally three years age she refused to speak to me and silence has reigned ever since.
There's only one person to blame foe all this and that is me.
I gave her too much.
My pay was handed to her.
Now that I am retired my pension is handed to her (by direct debit) and because I am still of working age I receive Incapacity Benefit. This is paid directly to her(through the Post Office)
I had a stroke five years ago and I get Disability Living Allowance. This is paid through the P.O. directly to her.
My wife is considered an angel outside my home. She works as Home Help and frequently does errands for neighbours - nothing is too much trouble for her.
Meanwhile all that I can do is wait until I die which, mercifully won't be very long.

Answer 1

You should sort out getting your own money paid into your own bank, and maybe talk to someone who doesnt know either of you for an unbiased opinion of what you should do with your relationship

Answer 2

You are still young enough to change your life - 62 is not old these days, and you certainly shouldn't be thinking about just waiting to die. The first thing you need to do is get your benefits paid into your account - just ring the benefits office and tell them that they are now to be paid into your account - as the benefits are for you, you wife cannot insist that they are paid into her account.

Do you have any friends or relatives that can help you? It sounds like your marriage was over a long time ago, and surely you would be better off living on your own rather than living with someone who refuses to even talk to you.

Please please do something to change your situation. Why sit around and wait to die when you still have so much life to live?

Answer 3

I am so sorry for how you are feeling. My own father suffered multiple strokes and along with that came depression which had a major impact on how he felt about life and living his life.

I cant say whats going on with your wife and maybe there is no love lost between you two but maybe you need to talk to a professional like your GP and they will be able to help you get out and start thinking about getting on with what you can do and give you a place to go where you can talk to others. Mercifully you are still here and able to communicate so dont waste your time waiting to die, take back some control.

Answer 4

First of all, despite being on incapacity benefit and disability you are very coherent verbally and mentally. Your benefits are in your name, not your wife's. If your relationship with her has irretrievably broken down then you are still able to decide what is best for you. Take more control. have your money come straight to YOU, contact the benefits people to arrange this with them. Also contact them and speak directly to someone regarding your home situation. people don't have to believe you they just have to do what YOU want in relation to your benefits and your quality of life. Sixty two is not old in this day and age, take your life back.pay for a carer or home-help to aid you with your daily life and to do for you what your wife doesn't yet will do for strangers. You are largely to blame for how things are, but it's never too late. I suspect your disaility probably has more to do with your spiritual sickness as much as anything physical. Don't let anyone treat you as an invalid.. it's a self fulfilling prophecy. If your wife doesn't want to be with you, then you go it alone..do what's best for you. Good Luck !! x

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your situation, and wish I could help you directly. I can only suggest "this." Tell your wife you need to talk, and to please not interupt or speak untill you are finished. Then tell her you want a double bed in the same room, so the two of you can sleep together once again. Then tell her you are going to change the paper work, as far as banking, and your rights to the money if you decide to withdrawl any from it, as you would like to take her out once in awhile, and don't want to have to ask "her" for "your" money to do this. If however she is
stuck on keeping things the way they are, honestly? I would separate from her and get a life while you "still" have life in you. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 6

You are putting yourself up as a victim here, even if you put the blame of 'giving her too much' on your shoulders.
Why don't you take control, and leave?
You are not only allowing her to make your life miserable, you are both miserable in this situation. What's there to win in staying?
Seems to me that you want some pitty from others, and you mention not for nothing that 'your wife is considered an angel to others'. You are putting the blame on her. Don't. You are choosing to stay, and that's what you did for the last 20 years.
You can do a lot more then stay in this selfpittiness complaining and 'waiting to die'.
Get out of this. It is not too late. Get your life back. You are the only one who can do that. Move out!
That would make both of your lifes better. Or do you stay to punish her?

Answer 7

I really feel for you, You could try getting your finances paid into an account of your own but most of all, you need to have this out with her. Life seems just a bit too easy for her if you ask me. There are people and organisations out there that can help you.
It is no way to live. I understand a marriage can be hard work but she is wrong to give up and abandon you. If that is how she feels she should of moved on and left you to your life. I really hope you manage to sort something out. Best of luck

Answer 8

Marriage is a love exchanging reality and not a money based one!

My neighbour has 61yo, has married last year, has a 1yo son and is the happier man Ive ever seen!

You still have a lot of time to improve your life and love the right person!

Good Luck!

Answer 9

1. Seek legal advice on leaving her.

2. Leave her with as little financial damage as you can manage.

3. To stop the loneliness join a bingo club, start up a new hobby like bowling or something, catch up with old friends or if you are still healthy do some travelling.

Answer 10

you know, there are younger people that have the same kind of problems as you are having. This really is not the right place to seek a solution or advice, it sounds like you need someone to listen to you more than advice anyway,, go and see your doctor,, they can put you intouch with the someone who will listen to you,, life can seem very lonely if you have no one that seems to care,, but life is to short to be wishing it away, no matter how old, or how ill you,, are is no barrier,, only 'ourselfs' are!!