mom in desperate need of help!!?

Question

Im a stay at home mom of a 4yr old son will be 5yrs soon. He has just started preschool this year and was doing fine the first couple of weeks,amd then it all went down hill from there! He cries when I drop him off, and he doesnt want to go at all. He has never had a problem socializing, or seperating from me up until this point. I do believe he has seperation anxiety, but the question is is how to make it easier on both of us? I have tried bribeing him with fun things and everything I can possibly think of and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier! Please Help Me! For anyone who has ever had this problem it is a very dificult situation for a mom that so loves her child dearly, please help!

Answer 1

My two year old daugther stayed with grandmother for 2 years, before going to a playgroup during the mornings. It took her 7 months to stop crying when I dropped her off. She did however enjoy her days there (kept on communicating with teacher) so that made it a little better. If he doesn't like it all (not enjoying it the whole day) then maybe it will be beter to look for a more suitable school?

Answer 2

I would dig deeper. Have you spoken to his teacher? There may have been a situation at school you are not aware of. The first place to check for a problem would be there. You said he was doing fine for a couple weeks. What doesn't he like about school? A five year old should be able to answer that. Try to work the problem out either verbally or through coloring pictures of what he does at school. It could come down to something as simple as a look someone at school gave him. He may have a child in his class that is bullying him too. Don't give up. I really think it is more then separation anxiety or he won't have been fine from the start. I have a child who can get along with anyone who wants to be nice to her. She is very kind, open and accepting, but we too, have had days when children who are just plain mean will ruin her day. Wishing you and your son well, hope you can resolve the problem soon.

Answer 3

Talk with him and see if there's a problem at school. My four year old has been going to preschool for about two years and every so often she will have anxiety attacks when I drop her off. Since I usually stay for 10-15 minutes and read a book with her, we would talk a bit when she would have these episodes and she would feel much better. It's a phase he's going through. The important thing is not to freak out or get upset, remain calm (and believe me, I know how difficult that can be). Kids pick up on your vibes. Don't start bribing him, that's a slippery slope.

Good luck!

Answer 4

My daughter had problems that were very much the same. I sat down with her and asked her(at her level, mind you)about school and what she does and all that. I found out that the teacher was being more or less mean to her. She was scared to go. After talking to her and the teacher, things went alot better. It may be that your child has had an event at the school that scared him, and while it may not be a big deal to you or I, it is HUGE to him. At this age they cannot rationalize and put into words what is going on. It's really hard. Be patient, talk alot, and I can tell you that kids usually don't respond well to bribing. They know when they are being bribed. Try hanging out with him a few days(tell the teacher what you are doing)and be a class "helper". This helped my daughter alot. Get to know his classmates a little, and his teacher. Even if you have to take a few hours off work if you work. Good luck!

Answer 5

I am a mom of 4 kids who are now 27, 25, 21, and 9. I also have been a daycare provider for 20 years. It is quite common for children to experience seperation anxiety during their first experience being away from mom for a regular time period. I would suggest that you stop bribing him. This only gives him the idea that you think preschool is such a bad thing that he needs a reward after going there. Next, speak privately with his preschool teacher. See how he does at preschool as a whole picture. If he cries when you drop him off, how long before he settles in? Once he is settled does he interact with the other kids and participate with the class? If so, then you may want to consider devloping a very consistent good-bye routine. Our favorite kindergarten teacher always told us to "give just one kiss and one hug and say good bye". It works wonders. If you are worried or concerned or upset by his response to preschool, he will pick up on that. Consider his personality as well. Does he like to know ahead of time about what is going on or does he do better without a lot of preparation time? Some kids like to know ahead of time when they go to school what will happen, who will be there, what will they have to do? Other kids don't do well knowing too far ahead because it gives them too much time to think and worry. Let your son lead you in how much information he needs to know. Speak positively about preschool. Talk about the things you know he enjoys doing, mention the other children and his teacher by name. Something very cute that has worked sometimes is give him a tissue when you drop him off. Kiss the tissue (if you wear lipstick, he'll be able to see the kiss mark on it) and have him put it in his pocket or his back pack. When he misses you, he can take the tissue out and place it against his check to get the kiss off of it. It is hard on moms to let their kids go. I cried just as much when my last child went to kindergarten as I did when my first one went. Sending them off to college (I've done this 3 times already) is heart-wrenching. But, we smile, give them a hug and a kiss and say good-bye.

Answer 6

My son did the EXACT same thing when he started preschool when he was 4. He loved it for a while and then a boy hit him and he never wanted to go back. He would cry and just dreaded school. It's a hard decision because he doesn't HAVE to go. I talked to his teacher and told her what was going on. She told me the best thing for me to do was to drop him and go. VERY hard.....My son has been with me all day everyday since the day he was born. She thought at least some of it was him testing his control over me. I think his teacher can help alot if you talk to her (I called my son's so I could talk to her without him hearing anything.) If you make his teacher aware, she may be able to help. My son's teacher kept him really close to her and made sure he was entertained so I could slip out and he was always fine after I was gone. When he started back this year, he was really apprehensive but now we're a few weeks into it and he is looking forward to the days he gets to go now. I know it's very hard, it breaks your heart to walk away and leave when they want you to stay so badly, I think if you talk to his teacher, she can make you feel alot better about the situation. Chances are, he's fine when you're gone, it's just so hard to leave them! Good luck!

Answer 7

I had the exact same problem with my daughter. There are strategies that are supposed to help, but they are heart-breaking:
"they" say to: 1. be honest - tell your child where he is going and why, and that you and he will be together again later today.
2. the drop-off should not be long and drawn-out: kiss him goodbye and go- don't linger around trying to get him to get him to be "okay" with staying there. Short and sweet drop off, then when you come to pick him up, THEN MAKE A BIG DEAL AB OUT THAT. Sometimes if a bright child feels he squawks enough, he won't have to go and can stay with mom instead.
After a week or so, they say he'll get used to the fact that he is going and won't make a fuss anymore.
Okay - thats what they say. However, I had the same problem and got this same advice, but as it turned out, the people there weren't being so nice after the parents left. My child felt unimportant and neglected so it was a natural, human response for her to begin crying when she had to go (after only 1-1/2 wks after starting) If we as adults go to a club or whatever, and after giving it a fair try just hate it after a few weeks or if the place just makes us feel uncomfortable (maybe we're not even sure why) , certainly we are probably going to start to complain about it and not want to return - esspecially if we get a vibe so negatively different than the atmosphere we are used to, right? Well your child is a human being too, with those same reponses built-in.
Don't sell him short. Maybe theres a REASON he feels the way he does. I would talk immediately with the director of the facility. Then, if you are satisfied that the director or owner is giving you a fair assessment, try some strategies that you and the director come up with. The Director should be very willing and helpful with this - you should not have to go through this alone. She should be checking in on him throughout the day,
making notes on how he does in certain activities, whether he cried all day, is he able to interact with the other kids, etc. So that you can have an accurate "record" of whats going on. Also,
find out who is actually interacting with your son - do they have a degree, or is it a 16 year old in a summer job?? If you cannot get a whole lotta assistance and special attention and care for your son with this problem from the daycare, GET HIM OUT OF THERE. Life is too precious to allow this sweet child from being sad most of the hours of his little life. Just go ahead and try some of the stategies first, just in case he's just trying to get mommy to feel bad for him and keep him with her- hey, kids are really bright, and yep, they do think up ways to have to keep from being away from the mom they adore. You sound like a really great mom: I would probably prefer staying with you, too, but are you willing to take that chance ? What if a staff member or another child is scaring or upseting him in some way? get on this problem fast. Do not wait. My problem with this is: He was fine for a few weeks, THEN he didn't want to go anymore. This tells me its not separation anxiety, because he waited 2 weeks to have a problem with it. It seems like the little fellow was giving them a fair chance, and they blew it. Who? Why? Find out.

Answer 8

Sit down and have a good talk with him. Ask him why he doesn't want to go. Is it his teacher, the other kids, maybe someone made fun of his shoelaces and he feels rejected? It could be amillion little things, but in the mind of someone so little, little things ARE big things! The best way to find out what's bothering him is to ask. Keep him calm by holding him in your lap while you talk and praise him for successfully communicating like the big boy he is by using word to express his feelings. It will go a long way for him to know that even if he isn't home with you anymore, you're still going to be there to support him. Make a big deal out of art he brings home and he'll want to make more. Only way to make more is to go, right? Teach him to tell time and buy him a little watch. Then he can count of the hours until he can come home, empowering him with something he can teach the other kids. If all else fails, ask the teacher for suggestions. They've all seen it before. He'll come around.

I was a painfully shy little preschooler myself, back in the day. I would do exactly what your son is doing, but add that I would cry in the corner until my mom would come get me. I'm sure I drove my teachers nuts. I don't know what my mom did, but I did grow out of it once I saw other kids having fun.

Don't get too frustrated. This is very common in kids. It mostly stems from being afraid that they're being abandoned, so once he sees this isn't the case, he'll be ok. Once you see that you aren't being a bad parent, you'll feel better too. :)

Answer 9

I really wish I had some good advice for you. My youngest daughter did the same thing when she started pre-school and I wish I could say it got better, but it didn't. She cried Every day for the whole entire school year. Her teacher even had to go get her older sister out of class sometimes to try and calm her down. It broke my heart everyday, but I knew if I gave in, it was only going to get worse. Talk to his teacher, feel her out. If she seems like she is annoyed by this, I'd be concerned. If she seems ok, then I'd ask her about how long does it take for him to get calmed down. If it's no more than 15 or 20 mins, just roll w/ it. Ask her if there is anything she could recommend. Undoubtly other parents have dealt w/ this too. Maybe she will remember some clever idea another mother had. My daughter is in 1st grade now and her crying did not persist into Kindergarten. It was just that first year of preschool. I have a little girl in my carpool this year, a pre-schooler, that is crying on me too. It's tough, but you just have to be gentle but firm. Hang in there. It does get better, I promise.

Answer 10

If your child has never had this problem before, maybe it is not separation anxiety, maybe there is something or someone at pre-school that he doesn't like, talk to him and find out.
if it is because he Misses you, maybe it would be best if you went with him for a while, say a hour a day or half the day, then as he gets used to it cut the time down, until u are no longer going in with him, maybe he is just sacred and needs you there for a bit. try it, it might help, good luck.