Anyone out there think this is just bullshit?? I am engaged and have a wedding date of September 29th of 2007. When my fiance proposed his older sister, who has been in a relationship for 6 years, was happy for us but not because this happened to her little brother before her. In her eyes this was something that she had been waiting for and thought should go in order! She never showed her disappointment but anyone could see evern her family was afraid to say anything to her for fear that she'd be mad! Well over this weekend she too became engaged, she now plans to wed in May 2007, yes thats right 4 months before me. Its a race to the alter in my opionion and I think its just crap! Not only does it stress the family but the same guests that will be asked to attend both weddings and out of town guests as well. I'm not unhappy that she is engaged, I think its well over due however I believe doing this in the same year takes away from her brother and I'm very pissed off about that!
2006-10-04 01:41:18 · 40 answers · asked by face9202004 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Your right it is bull **** and you have every right to be mad. I think it does take away from your wedding being so close and everything. If the same people coming to hers and yours what if they can't make it? I would call them and make sure they will still make it to your wedding anyways your wedding was planned first so i'm sure people will take that into consederation. Let her have her wedding first and then in September when it's your day blow her wedding out of the water! That would piss her off even more and make your year. Having more time to plan your wedding i'm sure it will be more beautiful anyway. It seems to me the only reason she bacame engaged anyway was she was probably driving her fiance crazy over jealousy. Good luck and don't let her see you upset it may just make her feel even better.
2006-10-04 01:51:53 · answer #1 · answered by Curious J. 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
cool off
even though this is a big day, and you will remember it as a big day, on the other hand it is just one day, and you'll find out later on that what will count will be the happy (hopefully ;-) married life.
if the older sister feels that she HAS to do it that way, and given that she is older than you (probably by at least 6-7 years), I think you should take it easy.
as for the practical side?
Well, money could be tight depending on who funds most of the cost of both weddings (or it could be fine). Should this be the case then obviously this should be discussed with all relevant parties so that there is no unequal treatment (say, one wedding superb, the other much more modest). Maybe this will imply doing slightly smaller weddings - you may find this frustrating at this stage, but later you won't care a bit. For geographical reasons my wife and I had two weddings ceremonis on two different continents, one with 80 guests, the other with 450 or so - we have fonder memories of the smaller one.
you worry about family and friends? Yes, for some people this can potentially be an issue (money, travel time). But close friends, and family, should reason that over 5 years, it is the same whether the two weddings are the same year, or not, right? The nice thing about this is that, where guests will be the same, they'll get a second chance to see each other. Who knows, maybe these two people meet at the older sister's wedding, don't live in the same region, think that maybe, who knows - and bang!, there is your wedding, they see each other again, and the miracle happens!
don't be pissed. Wedding is an important day for sure. But marriage is not about a one-day contest.
good luck
2006-10-04 01:55:57 · answer #2 · answered by AntoineBachmann 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please remember that when you become engaged, you are entitled to a wedding DAY, not a wedding YEAR.
It is perfectly acceptible for her to get married four months before you do. That will not put a strain on out-of-town guests, unless these guests are coming from very, very far away (like another country or another coast).
More than likely, the news of your engagement reminded her of how much she herself wants to be married, especially if her engagement is well overdue. When she became engaged, she had two choices about the date: either before your wedding or after it. Because your wedding is in September, she'd have to wait until 2008 if she wanted a warmer-weather wedding. That just might be too long for her wait, since she's waited this long already. So she had to choose a date that is before your wedding. Frankly, I think she was being considerate in choosing a date that is 4 months before. It could have been a week!
Having her wedding in the same year will not at all detract from your wedding. And again, remember that you are not entitled to the whole year of 2007. Other people want to get married too, and it isn't fair for you to lay claim to 12 months when all you need is one day.
Please don't be one of those paranoid women who believe that other people's plans are put in place just to mess with them. She is not planning her wedding just to spite you or steal her thunder. She has just as much right to get married as you do.
2006-10-04 02:46:57 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know of a similar situation. I had three friends that were all sisters. The middle one got engaged and set her wedding date for May 30 (this was a few years ago), the older sister demanded her boyfriend to proposem, so he did and she set the date for May 29th.
The older sister thought that it should go by age, but I don't agree with it. Her planning a wedding the day before her younger sisters was pretty crappy of her, but the middle sister got over it.
Oh and the little sister got engaged the following year and married within a year of that. Not that this applies though.
I say just deal with it, she could've done what my friends did and got married a day apart. I don't think the guests will care if they go to two weddings- they're supposed to be happy occasions you know.
2006-10-04 03:50:13 · answer #4 · answered by Phoenixsong 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Calm down. I realize this is a slap in your face but you need to get yourself above it or you are going to simply appear jealous and envious. 4 months is plenty of time between weddings, and frankly it gives you an opportunity to see what goes wrong at hers and not repeat the mistakes. The weddings will be at different times of the year, different themes, colors and should be completely different guests as your will be focused on your friends and family.
And there is the very real chance that she may not make it to the wedding part if she's simply gotten engaged to upstage you.
Your future husband will either remember you as being a graceful generous partner who isn't threatened by his sisters games, or a whining complaining child who isn't going to have the strength to handle the real stuff life throws at you.
You are better than that, aren't you? Isn't that why your wonderful man is marrying you? Good luck and always take the high road, you won't regret it.
2006-10-04 02:12:38 · answer #5 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you have several choices here. You can move the wedding date up and "screw up her wedding", or you can just have a small private ceremony or you can just go ahead as planned. Some people will be able to make it and others won't regardless.
Have the wedding that you want and get over the fact that the sister-in-law is getting married 4 months before you.
My sister has a phrase that I love and I use it all the time, "Don't let it ruin your day". She says it if she accidentally cuts someone off in traffic or anything like that. So that is my advice to you.
2006-10-04 01:56:25 · answer #6 · answered by nana4dakids 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my sister did the same type of thing. i got engaged and set a date. when she got engaged she picked a date before ours by 3 months. at first i was kind of mad, but then i realized that we are two totally different people. our weddings were totally different. don't worry about out of town guests. they will still come. make sure they know about the wedding in advance so they are prepared to come out if they can. don't let the sister get you down. just think when she is done with her wedding all the focus will go to your wedding for those last few months.
just because she wanted to be first to get married doesn't mean it will last either. my sister got divorced 10 months after getting married while i have stayed happily married
2006-10-04 02:12:20 · answer #7 · answered by Jenn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My step-cousins did the same thing. The oldest got enaged so the younger aslo got engaged and married before the oldest. I thought it was messed up and it seemed like a jealousy issue. It was hard on everyone that had to attend 2 weddings in the same year. Don't stress about it and make your wedding the best day ever! Congrats and I hope everything goes well!
2006-10-04 01:52:00 · answer #8 · answered by Ashley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh, could you just be happy for the girl? You set your wedding date according to what the two of you wanted - and a year away is a lot. So you shouldn't be surprised that something like this has happened in a family. The two weddings are far enough apart that it will not cause "hardship" for family and friends who need to travel, so that shouldn't be a problem. I think you just have to get over your "anger" because you are just not wanting to share the limelight. Don't worry, there is enough attention for both of you!!! Just enjoy your time preparing for the wedding, and don't waste energy on negative feelings.
2006-10-04 04:07:37 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Make the most the situation. Other peoples weddings are a fantastic tool to see what will and wont work for you and your partner on the day! You will have friends and maybe family that will be married after you and will base things on your wedding! Go to the sister in laws wedding, be happy and enjoy yourself. Weddings are always the best fun and just think soon it will be you enjoying your big day and so will your sister in law as hers will already be over!
2006-10-04 03:55:15 · answer #10 · answered by lazy lady 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋