my sister has just disclosed she was sexually abused by my moms partner that she is no longer with when we were about 10yrs old, i have spoken to my sister about it and she does not want to tell my mother becuase she does not want to destroy the relationship she has with her but i am so angry i feel like i want to tell my mom, should i?
2006-10-04 00:22:29 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
that's a difficult one! basically I think you are going to have to respect your sister's wishes for now. perhaps in a while she will be willing to disclose this to your mom. she obviuosly thinks that your mom had no idea about it, and is worrying about upsetting her and their relationship.
the fact that she has eventually confided in you is a great step , as many people donot disclose this, and carefully choose who they evntually trust with the information. to help her go forward , you can be there for her , in what ever way she will allow you. if she is not receiving counselling for this already , you need to encourage her to do so. undoubtably a trained counsellor will ask about your mother's awareness , when the time is right. he/she will lead her into deciding what to do next. remember that they have expereince of many victims . they will also possibly bring up ,whether she wants to lay charges against the man, if he is still alive. it may be a difficult decision as your mom will obvioulsy find out then, but at the same time he needs to be put on an offenders list before he finds new victims.
the best thing you can do , is acknowledge that she is telling the truth and stay beside her along the next journey. remeber it has taken her years to get here, so let her do things her way and in her time.
2006-10-04 00:37:37 · answer #1 · answered by saywot? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no reason why this should destroy the relationship that your sister has with your mother. My mother was abusive and my father had done this to me. When I did tell someone she was upset but got over being angry and after that we got along and the abuse she gave me stopped too. Your sister probably has unresolved issues about this and may need to talk about it with your mom or a therapist. I think that your mom should be aware of what took place. It was not either or there faults.
2006-10-04 00:28:20 · answer #2 · answered by country girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She won't destroy the relationship. Mum will just feel guilty and angry (like you do) that she didn't realise and protect your sister. You can encourage your sister to talk to her or get professional counselling but it's not for you to decide who knows. The whole thing has been about being controlled by another so you must let her take things at her own pace. Remember it took her a lot of guts to make the step and tell you so don't break her trust.
2006-10-04 00:31:41 · answer #3 · answered by annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be better to convince your sister first for the benefit of your relationship.
If you break it to your mum slowly then maybe she will understand rather than just bursting into the room and declaring that her ex partner abused your sister.
Being a woman hopefully she will understand what your sister has gone through and will want to involve the police to make sure he doesn't do it again to another little girl.
Recent events such as the Amish shootings show that it can lay dormant for a long time before coming to the surface again with terrible endings.
2006-10-04 00:28:57 · answer #4 · answered by joe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should sit down with your sister and your mom and discuss this ugly matter. Your sister is afraid your MOM will hate her and blame her for what was done. Your sister shouldn't be blamed for anything. Your sister was the victim of a perverted man. This man should be punished because he is probably doing this to some other little girl. Press charges.....seek out a lawyer and do something....Your sister will need to do this!!! This creepo should be locked up and the key thrown away!!!!
2006-10-04 01:02:09 · answer #5 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi no i know you will be feeling happy but your sister has told you because she trusts you with her heart and if you tell your mum she will feel like she cant trust you to tell anything to. You yourself doesnt know how your mum will react so i would just do what your sister wants for now. She maybe will tell her sometime but dont force her to. Just support her and tell her she doesnt have to tell her on her own that you will be there no matter what. Only you nows how your mum will react and do you think yourself that it would ruin your sister and your moms relationship as she isnt with the guy anymore.
2006-10-04 06:33:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how long ago this abuse happened but even if it was many years ago this should be reported, not just to your mother but to the appropriate authorities as well because this needs to be stopped so all of our children are safe from these B******S! I have two stepchildren, 13-years old twins, a boy and a girl and if anybody done anything to them there would be no need for courts or suchlike cos i'd kill whoever had hurt them. You need to act straight away to stop him preying on another innocent victim.
2006-10-04 00:59:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you both go to your doctor and ask to see a therapist together, then ask the therapist to help you work out how to tell your mum if your sister decides to and also how to deal with both your feelings and hers too. Whatever happens you have to respect your sisters decision, she has been through hell and maybe with some therapy and your support she will feel strong enough to deal with it, but she told you in confidence because you are the one person she can still trust. Dont break that trust, its all she has left. This is about her feelings, not yours at the moment. Be strong for her, you can get help for your feelings too.
2006-10-04 00:28:39 · answer #8 · answered by michelle a 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No NO NO No NO, dont tell your mother, it is up to your sister and she has opened up to you as she feels she can trust you with this information, you going to tell your mum is only going to distroy the relationship that you have with your sister. If you do that then she has no one to confide in and she will end up blocking it out and living with problems for the rest of her life. What you need to do is to talk and listen to her, try and help her as much as you can. Try to get her to go and talk to a councollor about her experiance, dont worry they are bound by confidentiality laws they wont be able to take it any further than your sister wants it to go. I really do wish your sister luck!
2006-10-04 00:29:00 · answer #9 · answered by Jo. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depends on how old your sister is as to whether you tell your mum - if you go ahead and tell her anyway you may lose a sister as she wont trust you anymore. She obviously needed to tell someone and chose you. If I were you I would be as supportive as possible to your sister and let her decide in her own time. If your sister is still a minor then try to persuade her to talk to your mum and promise to support her no matter what. Good luck.
2006-10-04 00:28:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋