i got together with my girlfriend about six months ago and it's been great ever since. i told her, i was honest with her, that i smoke on occasion. not cigarettes. she didn't like it, but she kinda accepted it. it was all good until last night when we went to visit with my cousin who smokes on the regular. see i like to hang with my cousin, but i don't smoke like he does. i smoke maybe once every two or three months. but since we were over there, she's gotten really suspicious. i told her that so she could be sure, i would throw all my paraphenalia out, and i did, but she doesn't believe me. she doesn't live with me, and she doesn't know where i keep stuff, so she doesn't know any better. see she dated this alcoholic for years before me, and she gave him chance after chance to get his sh#t together, but he never did. so how do i get her to give me ONE chance to prove i'm done with this stuff for good? somebody help. i love her.
2006-10-03 22:46:46 · 11 answers · asked by That Guy Drew 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I must say that the responses are very interesting & varied in opinion and I agree that there is a WAY BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A '24/7 ALCOHOLIC' & 'OCCASIONAL POTHEAD' . Unfortunately for you mr o.p. , your girlfriend has been through hell and it IS understandable that she has a trust issue, which she keeps nourishing by harvesting it with her lack of compassion & respect for others - no one is perfect - and she definitely should know that by now....however, she is not even doing herself any good by going crazy about an occasional smoke...she needs some counseling and the al-anon suggestion is a good one but the only problem with that in regard to your girlfriend seeking some kind of help is that seeing how she is just willing to let go of a possible, worthwhile relationship over the occasional social smoke out shows that she is mentally unstable to sustain open 'communication' skills which include: an open mind to hearing your side of the story & how you two, if you both are really 'in love' or feel deeply about one another i.e. mutual respect, tolerance for the minute details....not only does she have trust issues but it sounds like she wants and is a 'controlling' personality type. As for you, if you enjoy your smoke time for whatever reason : you are on this earth as a free creature with free will! One of your answerers mentioned that 'don't let her change you because she will bring / blame you later on....' HE'S RIGHT....controlling partners are dangerous and if there is love NOTHING WILL SEPARATE YOU....IF THERE IS LOVE she would/or will listen & both of you can work together on a resolution/compromise without selling yourselves short or out of 'living', hey, you have nothing to be ashamed of and it is admirable that you have volunteered to give up the smoke, what a gentlemen and for that alone she should be cool with you and present the open mind you have shown her to keep your love going! .....good luck to the both of you.
2006-10-03 23:19:06 · answer #1 · answered by Susan 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
She has good reason to be cautious if she was with an alcoholic then she has been told nothing but lies in the past. The only thing you can do to prove that you don't smoke is not too. She will eventually trust you. If she doesn't then there is nothing you can do to change her mind. Her past relationship may have done alot of damage to her ability to trust anyone. If she wants to get over it she may need to go some meetings at Al-anon. It's a group for people who have or have had alcoholics in their lives. If you truly love her then be honest with her and support her. Good luck to both of you.
2006-10-03 22:54:06 · answer #2 · answered by shelshe 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
well u said she dated a alcoholic for years so she had bad expirience. she knows people who does this kind of things,do a lot bullsh"§.i really think she is just afraid.and im shure the memories she has doesnt make this situation easier.u need to give her time.and it might take more time then u think..and its maybe not wrong to talk to her about it,also if u already did.but let her know that u care and that u are interested on her feelings!!
2006-10-03 23:06:33 · answer #3 · answered by starlight 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You could first off not take her to cousins house any more.
It's her trust issues, and you can't blame her for that, she's been there and done that.
Let her feel free to search when ever she wants and where ever she wants.
If you love her that much and did get rid of ****, it's your time and place to prove it.
2006-10-03 22:51:34 · answer #4 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honesty is always your best policy. Tell her you gave the sh*t up for her and that you promise not to use it any more no matter who you are with. But only if you mean it.
2006-10-03 22:52:43 · answer #5 · answered by up2sumpthun 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Theres a big difference between a full-blown alcoholic and an occasional "pot-head". (she should know that). If you want to quit, then quit. But don't try to do it 'cause she wants to change you, that doesn't work and you'll hold it against her someday.....
2006-10-03 22:53:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
She will accept it in time. She has had a bad experience just let time heal old wounds
2006-10-03 22:50:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You dont, move on sheis not worth it. Find someone who loves you for what you are, they usually do better anla too xx God Bless YOU
2006-10-03 22:49:27 · answer #8 · answered by JoyDivision 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Go to Walgreens by a drug test and take it with her there!!!
2006-10-03 22:49:08 · answer #9 · answered by dumpllin 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't trust a druggie either. She deserves better that you.
2006-10-03 22:49:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋