Big personal dillemma. I found a girl with an absolutely wonderful personality. We've been spending a lot of time together in the last week or so, and I don't know that I could invent a personality I enjoy more if I tried. But the truth of the matter is, I am not at all physically attracted to her and I feel SO GUILTY for it. On a scale of 1-10 I find her to be a 2 or 3. I just feel like a terrible person and have absoutely no idea how to handle the situation.
She really is a great person, and I don't want to hurt her. I know she likes me a lot -- and I really do like her too. But I don't know how to handle that I am very very turned off by her physically. I've been trying so hard to change my mind about it - looking at pictures of her and trying get myself to feel some sort of attraction.
What do I do? Is it right to ignore my feelings and persue a relationship based on personality alone? Or should I just let this one go as gently as I can?
2006-10-03 21:36:18 · 18 answers · asked by Jason M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You dont have to force yourself in doing something you dont want to. Just tell her that you really like her but you are not ready to get into a sexual relationship. You need time. When you spend time with a person you like, the relationship grows, you might find yourself being more attracted to her in ways you previously thought were not possible. All you need to do is spend time with her and soon you will find her attractive. If this doesnt work this way, you need to tell her the truth and she will have to accept it but I suggest that you give yourself and her more time.
2006-10-03 21:50:06 · answer #1 · answered by ash_m_79 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it looks like this is the typical case of infactuation. At least that is the impression that you are giving off. Yes you can get past the lack of physical attraction the only thing is that it takes a bit of time to get past it. The more time you spend with her the more attracted you will be. Or you are with this loving person for the wrong reason and you have to look deep within you and ask yourself is this really a person that you see you spending the rest of your life with? If you can't answer that question then my man there is no one on this planet that can help you but yourself as only you know what your heart wants and needs. So think about it. Do you love her?
2006-10-03 21:42:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go watch the movie shallow hal.
If you want a meaningful relationship then this is the perfect opportunity. I think you'll find that the closer you get to someone the more you see the inner beauty.
You can also jab your eyes out and that would make things a lot simpler.
2006-10-03 21:44:46 · answer #3 · answered by To Be Free 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you because I went through the same thing a few years ago. I chose to not pursue a relationship and we stayed friends for a few years and now I am out of contact with her. One piece of advice: If you can't connect with her physically, you are going to hurt her more than telling her you want to be friends. It will show; don't think you can hide it or wait for it to show up. Good luck!
2006-10-03 21:43:27 · answer #4 · answered by safully1 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
is she overweight? bad teeth? i believe one can get over the lack of physical attraction, but it takes a lot of tlc to do so. maybe you can take her shopping and help her pick out clothes that make her look better. maybe you can take her to do a light workout with you and see how she reacts. they always seem to have makeup ladies who come into dept stores and help women with their makeup if thats the problem. there are a lot of things to try first before you give up. i got my wife to change quite a bit from the time we were married to this day (17 yrs) by being loving and supporting.....good luck!
2006-10-03 21:46:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well u do feel only not attracted by the way she looks..but that can change after a while.but i would just be a friend for this while.maybe she will turn in to the most beatuyfull women to u.i know it can happen.but like i said,i would wait,maybe you will see things in her u havent seen before,things that makes u see her with different eyes!!
2006-10-03 21:49:28 · answer #6 · answered by starlight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Over time, I hove found myself to "see" my SO more as of how thier personality is, rather than what thier "shell" is.
If given time, I bet you could get over it and even began to see them in a better light and more as a 6-8 rather than a 2-3.
2006-10-03 21:39:33 · answer #7 · answered by foreverbean 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think well about it . Everyones appearance changes. A matter of weeks enjoy the friendship
2006-10-03 21:41:50 · answer #8 · answered by Eric C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men love the person they are attracted to. Women are attracted to the person they love.. So no just keep her as a friend.
2006-10-03 21:40:00 · answer #9 · answered by setter505 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should just be friends. If you let this go too far and then you walk away, she will have more difficulty accepting your feelings. It could be devastating for her to hear that she doesn't appeal to you physically.
2006-10-03 21:43:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋