Polygamy in Islam?

Question

This topic has been posted before by Eggnostik & some others. I wouldn't have reposted a new topic but it wouldn't let me comment over 300 characters, so I couldn't get my thoughts in. Love to hear all your comments. Thanks!
Quoted from Huda_Alee: "Allah know's men's nature that he can love more than one woman in his life.." (she received best answer)
I understand why Mohammed did it but I don't understand its acceptance for all other Muslims. Are women only capable of loving one man but a man can love more than one woman? It doesn't seem to make any sense. I can at least understand its need, for example, if there was a shortage of male adults after a war or something. However, if a man's excuse is "Well, would you rather me have an affair?" and just because he wants more sex... it is not acceptable. I think some have twisted this very limited circumstance of polygamy in Islam and have turned it into an excuse to have more women.
Thoughts?

Here's the link to the particular post I'm referring to...
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aq6eCt4WGiOA5x8xXh4pkzJIzKIX?qid=20060926233900AA96HXo

"abelkhouc" I think you need another go at the Bible there buddy.

"aa_mohamm" I have analyzed but that's just my point. Men seem to think that polygamy is an excuse for "not having an affair" but its not. It is only regulated for extreme measures, ie. war with many women left behind, not an excuse for a man to enjoy another woman intimately. Your answer is just the kind of thing that I'm trying to get at.

"shadowofe" That is the the most asinine thing I've ever heard. Try not to get your information from "Catholicismsucks.com", okay? I'm not looking for excuses or reasoning from other religions. I'm asking about Islam. If you want to talk about polygamy in Christianity, then post your own question.

"MariaG" Yes, I know it's permitted. Did you not read my question? But it is not permitted as an excuse for "illicit affairs", only in extreme circumstances and that's my point. Do you understand? Read my question again!

"marissa" I AM TALKING ABOUT EXCUSING EXTRA-MARITAL AFFIARS. NOT OTHER REASONINGS! Please read the quote that I provided, which is the reason why I posted this in the 1st place.

"marissa" Please do not patronize me with the "how many Muslims do you know?" question. You know nothing about me. I'm not here to insult Islam, I'm trying to get a clear cut answer as to why it's accepted to have polygamy as an excuse for deferring extra-marital affairs.

Don't any of you read the questions before answering? I know what the Quran says, I know what the hadith says! I've read it myself, I do not need verses. I want your reasonings for this popular thought.

"Lady In Red" No, I'm certainly not making the case for women having more than 1 husband. I was just using at as an example.

"MariaG" Quoted from you: "So 6 y o is figure from your imagination.
Tomorrow somebody will say 4 or 3??"
What on earth are you talking about? I never EVER said that! Who are you talking to?

"marissa" Are you slow or something? I said I've read the Quran myself and that I did not need verses. You're only wasting space. Also, you still have not answered my question. I'll post it in really simple terms for you, okay?
*****Why is it generally accepted in Islam for men to marry more than 1 wife, as an excuse for extra-marital affairs?*****
What you just added, was just my point. Famine, wars, orphans, etc... all legitamite excuses for polygamy. HOWEVER, nowhere in the Quran is it stated that Polygamy is an excuse for an "illicit affair". Do you get it now?

"Kuji" You all are about to give me a bloddy migrane! I'm not saying that this is the reason for marriage. But this woman that I quoted (see above!) said that this is an acceptable reason for polygamy. THAT IS MY QUESTION!

"qualittee" God bless you! You're pretty much the only one to actually read my question thoroughly and address it. Thank you so much. You answer in this sea of misunderstandings, gives me hope that people are actually on here for more than just the 2 points. Thank you!

"CONSCIOUS" I do not care about polygamy in Christianity or Hinduism or whatever. I'm asking about Islam. You've wasted my time and yours.

"Earn^Resp" Becareful what you assume. You don't know who I am or what I believe or who I'm married to or who my family is... so don't tell me it's none of my business. In fact, it is very much my business but you assume that just because I question small, often misunderstood, aspect of Islam that it has nothing to do with my life. Assumptions, assumptions.... they can get you in a lot of trouble.

"marissa" quoted from you: "u know what -- maybe widows dont have the right to remarry as per U, isnt it?." I'm not a widow, I'm happily married. I'm not saying that having famine, epidemics, etc. are not excuses for polygamy, because I feel that they are. HOWEVER, I'm trying to get at the popular thought that polygamy is OK in using the excuse of having an illicit affairs. And by the way, SWEETHEART, you are wasting your time by constantly NOT answering my question. You're saying it is for women's rights... I KNOW THAT. You should thouroughly read a question before you answer, because you are wasting your time by posting an answer, that DOES NOT address my specific question. My question is not about all polygamy in Islam, my question is very specific. Something that seems to keep going right over your head.

"syeda" wa Alaykum As-Salam. Ramadan Mubarak. Thank you very much for your kind words. It seems as some on here are going off about what they think I'm saying but they don't understand that I'm not putting down all polygamy in Islam, just a very small specific issue, which seems to be quite a popular thought. I'm glad you understood what I'm trying to get at. Thank you for responding!

"marissa" I'm not being rude. However, it is frustrating that you and some others, don't seem to want to understand my question. I never mentioned anything about widowers in my original question. You brought it up, so I responded to it. You have not now, nor ever, have responded to my specific question. You constantly go around it... I'm not sure if it's on purpose or sheerly an accident, but it is irritating nonetheless. I don't have hate for Islam, you don't know my background and my relation to Islam, so don't make assumptions. Again I will tell you that my issue is not will all of polygamy in Islam, it is with a very specific minute popular thought that involves polygamy but you keep telling me about everything else... which I already know, which is why I did not ask for a lesson in polygamy in Islam. It's such an easy question to address, yet you keep sidestepping it. Check out "qualittee" answer. That is what I was looking for. Maybe then you can understand what my question was.

"marissa" And I don't have an issue with people disagreeing with me. Yes, lots of people responded but hardly anyone on here actually answered my question, so of course I'm going to comment back and ask them to address my specific question. Take it as rude if you like, I want an answer to my question, which I never received from you. Re-read my original question real slow, twice if you have to and maybe you'll see what my question really was.

"marissa" You tell me to look around and see how many Muslims I see with 4 wives. Do you assue that I live in the West because I don't, so why don't you find out what country I'm from and then ask me that question again, okay? If this question didn't affect me, do you think that I would bother asking it? Have a nice day!

Answer 1

Huda_Alee presented his/ her own views and they are not necessarily endorsed by the scriptures. It is a totally erroneous concept that men are capable of loving more. It is not mentioned in either the holy book (Quran) or the sayings of the prophet (pbuh). Love is essentially a woman's force. That is why a mother is a woman. Islam is nearest to nature and its commandments are there as guidelines. The first and basic pre requisite for having a second wife is that a man MUST share everything (including love) equally among his wives. Which is practically impossible hence the whole idea of polygamy gets a big setback according to the word of God. The prophet married when he was 25 and his wife, Khadija (pbuh) was then 40. Till her demise the prophet never married again. Later the political and clan-associated reasons of that society necessitated more marriages and it is on record that he said this arrangement is not for the believers to follow. Early marriages in Islam obviate the problems of sex abuse, rape, dating, fear of rejection, and so many other sex related crimes. One has to be faithful husband or wife in Islam. There is no second opinion in the holy book about the holiness and sacredness of matrimony. Divorce, though allowed for men and women equally is not considered a commendable act in ones life. The modern science is unable to explain that why in a paediatric ward there are always more female deaths than male. Similarly if we see the demographic data of the word, we see women to men ratio in general is 2:1. What about those excess ladies? Would they like to become legal wives or sell themselves for their physical needs? Islam only offers a solution to the basic human problems. If someone takes the path of excess and deviates from the principles laid down by God it is his/ her fault and not the flaw of the code of belief.

Answer 2

I think it's a mistake to look on a second marriage as primarily a means of having more sex. There are many reasons a man may marry and most of them have little to do with his libido. He may want children but have a wife who cannot bear them (any more) and it is more fair to provide for both the mother of the children and the first wife. He may be trying to create a bond between two families. Americans tend to act shocked about that but look at history. It wasn't at all unheard of for a man to divorce one wife on a slim pretext and marry another for money or other gain. A man may simply take pity on a widow or a woman without family. There is no provision for an unrelated woman to join the household so it's possible that a kind hearted man might marry an older woman and never consummate the marriage. A woman may even prefer that her husband take another wife so that she will have help with housework and childrearing and some company. If you really think it's just about sex, consider that often he has never met the prospective bride and she is sometimes outside of what most men would consider optimal, i.e. too young, too old, already has kids, ugly.

I'm not Muslim but I've been asked to marry for several reasons that had nothing to do with sex.

Answer 3

My only question is, why aren't women allowed the same? What if she wants to marry a more than one man?


But of course, I'm sure you've brainwashed your women to believe that don't even WANT to do that. Fair, isn't it?

All Muslim men get their way by making their women feel this is exactly what they wanted.

If my husband wanted to marry another woman for financial support, I'd never be okay with sharing my partner. I would however let him help the woman without being married to her. And I don't think this gesture of helping that woman would be seen as any sort of romantic or sexual relationship between them by the world.

Answer 4

Polygamy is solely one more illustration of the way Islam treats ladies worse than guys. Just in view that a few historic guide says it used to be allowed again then, it cannot nonetheless be practised. There is no use for it this present day. If a girl is single she will get a role or declare advantages. No first rate individual will have to count on their partner to proportion them. It could be very unfair and have got to intent the ladies a excellent deal of heartache and jealousy. A lot of men and women do cheat on their companions, however that is no excuse for polygamy. One night time stands and affairs are mainly over with speedily and mystery from society. I might typically forgive my boyfriend having a one night time stand. I might no longer tolerate him having one more spouse that everybody knew approximately, that might be there ceaselessly, flaunted in entrance of me and who used to be identical to me. That might be very merciless. And I do not know the way kids might deal with this main issue, having to proportion their father with different households. I think it might be very complicated and provoking for them.

Answer 5

Muslims life style is predicted and described in Qur`an. if it is said you CAN marry 4. Muslims do not ask WHY.
If somebody wants to have second wife he can take. But at the same time should be done certain CONDITIONS.
-He has to treat wifed equally financially and physically
-He has to ask permission of the first wife
-It should be really a reason for doing this ( sickness of the wife,non ability to bring kids etc)

Many muslims DO NOT take more than one wife. Not only coz they can not afford, but coz they do not see they have reason to do it. But if they take more than one- so it is approved by God . whats wrong with this?

Prophet Mohammed had many wifes during his life, but he NEVER was married more than 4 at the same time...
He engaged Ayesha when she was 9 and married officially when she was 12.... So 6 y o is figure from your imagination.
Tomorrow somebody will say 4 or 3??

Answer 6

Muslims who practice polygamy are under strict guidelines - lust is forbidden whether he takes one of many wives or stays single. He can marry all that he can spiritually, financially, emotionally support and protect.

Would you like to practice polyandry - women having more husbands? Would you think it fair? I, for one would not want more than one husband, nor have my husband have more than one wife, regardless, of custom or religion.

Probably the reason that polygamy exists, is that the Middle Eastern men belong to a martial race and their profession is fighting and hunting. Just as Europeans often discouraged the marriage of the soldiers in Europe so that it may not interfere with their profession of fighting, the Middle Eastern tribes have also decided that, as far as possible, the male tribe members should be excused from shouldering family responsibilities.

I really do not think that polygamy exists solely for the purpose of subjugating women. I know a few wives who have been that type of marriage and they report that they are very happy and that it works for them and for everyone involved. They do not feel like second class citizens and ar treated very well. I know far too many tradtional wives that cannot say that they are happy and contented in theirs.

Answer 7

1st of all how many muslims have u seen having 4 wifes?. and how many muslims from across the globe have u met?. in Islam a man cannot marry just for fun. there is a procedure and one should have VALID REASONS. the first most important point is -- a man in Islam CANNOT REMARRY WITHOUT THE PERMISSION OF HIS 1ST WIFE. only if the 1st wife permits , should that man marry or else the marraige is null and void. since most women do work today, money isnt a problem. couples should help each other out -- in all ways.

the reasons for men to remarry are:
1. in case where the 1st wife cannot have a child, in those days there was no IVF or Artificial Insemination. so instead of having a temporary marraige or Muta, the verse was revealed that said that a man can remarry. and in this case, only if the wife disagrees to have an adoption.

2. in case of wars, where a lot of men die and there are many women who are left behind. so instead of such widows who have to live their life alone, the prophet and Holy Quran agreed for the man to remarry. NOTE: in christianity the women were shaved bald so that they would not remarry. in Hinduism, they practised a religious Ritual of Sati, where the widow was burned alive with the dead husband. but it was Islam that said that widows should have equal rights to widowers.

3. during epidemics, where in cae if men die and there are a lot of women left back as widows.

4. when there is poor and orphan girl with no one to take care of, and when no man agrees to marry her -- then with the permission of his first wife the man can accept the poor woman. for even today in some conservative societies, they dont accept an orphan as a dauther-in-law.

5. in ISLAM on the day of marraige, the preist solemnizing the wedding will ask both the bride and groom (bride first then groom) THRICE and only if the bride accepts, the marraige is VALID. also a girl is asked first so that she will not be under the presure from the groom's answer. so the preist asks the girl first and then the groom and if the accepts, the marraige goes on. if the girl refuses, the marraige is null and void.

6. MUSLIM MEN CANNOT REMARRY IF THEY CANT SUPPORT THE WIVES AND THEIR CHILDREN FINANCIALLY AND DEAL WITH ALL OF THEM JUSTLY.

EDIT : well what do u think should be done with people who use everything in a religion as an excuse for their intentions. are they right and are they following their religion?. when a person breaks the covenant of descency and humanity with religion as an excuse -- by then u should be clear of one thing -- that the person has gone far away from the teachings of the religion. if a man or a woman use it as an excuse for carrying out their personal intentions -- then how can they be religious or following the teachings of a religion?. it is Haram in Islam. well i 'll give u some Verses.

An-Nisa | 176 verses | The Women سورة النساء
Sura #4 | Madina

20 And if ye wish to exchange one wife for another and ye have given unto one of them a sum of money (however great),TAKE NOTHING FROM IT. Would ye take it by the way of calumny and open wrong?
21 How can ye take it (back) after one of you hath gone in unto the other, and they have taken a strong pledge from you?

(The Noble Quran, 33:52)
"It is NOT LAWFUL for thee (to marry more) women after this, NOR TO CHANGE THEM for (other) wives, even though their beauty attract thee, except any thy right hand should possess (as handmaidens): and God doth watch over all things. "

(The Noble Quran, 4:3)
"If YE FEAR that ye shall NOT BE ABLE TO DEAL JUSTLY with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but IF YE FEAR that ye SHALL NOT BE ABLE TO DEAL JUSLTLY(with them), then ONLY ONE, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to PREVENT you from DOING INJUSTICE."

An-Nisa | 176 verses | The Women سورة النساء
Sura #4 | Madina

19 O ye who believe! It is NOT LAWFUL for you FORCIBLY TO INHERIT THE WOMEN (of your deceased kinsmen), NOR (that) YE SHOULD PUT CONSTRAINT UPON THEM that ye may take away a part of that which ye have given them, unless they be guilty of flagrant lewdness. But CONSORT with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may happen that ye hate a thing wherein Allah hath placed much good.

these are the guidelines --- if someone doesnt care about the guidelines and does accd to his wish -- then the person has gone far away from Islam.

Answer 8

If you analyze very carefully a woman would like to have physical relationship with the man she loves -(1at a time) but men it is noticed can love someone and sleep with 10 others at the same time.

To avoid man from having unlawful sexual relationship it is permited for him to marry 4 wives.

But remember he has to fulfil some criteria before he can marry 4.

But i think it is better to marry more than 1 rather than having illicit relationship behind the wife's back

Answer 9

A funny thing to mention, In England, there was a conference in 1409 AD for priests (assaaqifat Al-Injeel) and a big discussion took place about polygamy, many of them totally rejected that issue and said that this is one thing they use against Islam, but they faced the problem that if they didn't allow polygamy they will lose their campaigns in Africa, after realizing that, they allowed it. There are catholic priest in Africa with 40 wives or more.

Answer 10

we cannot deny that Prophet Mohammad (PBUH) had many wives. He married some because they were orpahned or had to face a bad time. So he made it easier. AND.. a man in Islam cannot marry another woman without the permission of the first wife, or its considered sinful. oh and marissa's stuff are more into detail.. so read that.. im too lazy